Letting go

[Granwen]

I spent a miserable afternoon, wandering aimlessly around the shops, unable to focus on the need to buy a birthday present for a friend! Why? My son had returned to London.
Am I the only Mum who feels this way?
I love my 'boys' dearly and always wanted the best for them. I encouraged them to move to Universities well away from home, to seek jobs that fulfilled them.
Yet I feel sad when they return to the lives they have created for themselves.
These feelings were at their worst a few years ago, when I realised that I would see much less of them as they began University studies.
I suppose it is a form of bereavement, and I'm sure many older Mums share these feelings, but no-one warns you in advance! I now tell friends in a similar position that it is OK to feel this way! Yet I continue to feel pain at parting!!!!!!

granwen im on the other side ofthe coin and have moved away to university. I feel sad sometimes when I go to uni no matter how much I enjoy it because I know I wont see my mum for ages, i bet your boys miss you. They sound like they have done really wel for themselves and are working really hard.

Is there anything you can do to keep your mind off them not being there?

bumping for granwen

Granwen I've got a few years to go (ds1 is 13.5) but I know I'll feel just the same.

Even now - if they go away for a week on a school trip I pine for them!

I felt like this when my eldest 2 left, and I'm sure I will feel the same next year when DC3 goes.

However, on the other side of the coin ATM. They are all home and I can't wait for them to go back!!!

I really worry about this. When at times I am run ragged with my 3 (boys 5,7,12)arguing I sometimes pause and think 'what will i do when they all go?' Thought about it when sat on a Cornwall beach the other week watching them playing. I know we all crave 10 mins to have a cuppa in peace, but I can't think about a time when I can do what I want... very sad really. I think I'd end up fostering!

tigi - that's exactly how I feel. I am very very conscious of how time is passing. My youngest is starting school next month and at times I am just paralysed with nostaglia and sadness. Every other mother I know seems to be looking forward to their kids gowing up in some way but parenting was such a huge unexpected joy to me that I simply can't imagine anything else matching up. In spite of the tiredness, lack of money and time to myself and all the other problems.

granwen - mum tells me she drove home in tears after she and Dad dropped me at uni for the first time. It took her a long time to get over it. I guess it's a hard return on your investment of all those years - but it's the one you have to want - be proud of your independent children. Says she who's welling up just thinking about it.....

I think I am just soft (as well as mostly stressed!). Even when I pass the hospital they were born in, it brings back the memories!
I have 3 12 yo boys playing chess in tent in garden at mo. I've fed and watered them all. An older friend told me a long time ago, make them and their friends welcome, let 'em bring their friends to sleep over after a night up town etc, and you know where they are, safe, and they'll always be a part of your life, ie not go too far if they feel so welcome. It's certainly true for her.

Thanks for your messages.
Tigi, I've done all that, woke up many a morning to find giant slugs on the floor in the lounge- all number 2 son's 'mates' after a night out,sleeping peacefully in large sleeping bags. Thrilled to make them all tea and breakfast (latter mostly politely declined!).
P.P. Have many hobbies and interests but all fly out of the window for a few days! Life does then assume some normality, and the grieving subsides. I am sure that what I feel is a kind of grief, and like all grief, time is a healer. Rationalizing my thoughts and emotions does not make parting any easier tho'.
OrmIrian, agree with your thoughts on parenting, couldn't wait for the long summer holidays, when most of my friends felt a sense of dread! There were moments when I longed to be on my own, but as the 'boys' grew up they acknowledged this and encouraged 'Mum time'.
Yes, I am fiercely proud of my sons!

Granwen, why not get involved with children/young people on a voluntary basis. I do Beavers, and really enjoy it.

Looking forward to some 'supply' teaching when I can be 'surrounded' again. Plan to read a story to end the day.....bliss!
Took the grandchildren away for a week, hence the silence, oh bliss, oh joy!