Guilt - how many of you feel guilty for not contributing financially to the home?

[tigerlil]

Just thought I'd post this to see what the response would be?

I do feel guilty sometimes as i have always worked,more hours than he did before i had my ds but i still feel that bringing our son up and looking after our home is more than enough.However it would be nice to have my own money again but we have always shared our money.

Not one little bit. I contribute by looking after the kids, and organising our lives, which leaves dh free to concentrate on his v. stressful job. I think it helps that I used to work in the same industry, so can still help his career by being a sounding board for ideas and do some of the crappy admin that he brings home. I do sometimes feel bad that after he has come home and we have eaten and jointly put the kids to bed, he will often be working until 11pm, whilst I just tidy the kitchen and can then collapse in front of the TV. But it is his choiceto put so much into his job - I would be happy with more of him and less of a bonus.
I organise all our finances as well, so by sorting out all the 0% deal/savings accounts, and by earning no money therefore enabling us to only pay 20% rather than 40% tax on our savings income, I am actually contributing financially.

I'm with tangerinecath. I don't feel guilty, but I've only very recently started to become comfortable with the the loss of my financial independence, and I've been a SAHM for over 2 years.

It wouldn't have occurred to me to feel guilty when I was a SAHM. It's a HUGE contribution, being at home with kids! Now dp does it instead of me, I consider all the money (I work, he's a sahd) ours, not mine. He is contributing, big time, by being at home with the children. Anyone who doesn't feel valued could try ringing round a few agencies to find out the going rate for a full time nanny + cook + cleaner + housekeeper. Even if you only do one of those jobs (and as a sahm I only did childcare really, not the other stuff), your contribution is huge and valuable IMO. Financially and otherwise.

I know he works too, I should have said "I work outside the home, he's a sahd"

No. I always look at it this way; if I were killed in a road accident tomorrow, aside from it being terrible for my family, my dh would have to employ staff to cover the childcare and housekeeping roles. My current job is unpaid voluntary work and very meaningful and important it is too!

I would not earn enough to make it worthwhile to return to work currently. Dh and I will review this when our eldest child goes to school. There's no point in feeling guilty - it would create far more stress if I did go back to work at the moment.

I'm quite shocked at the idea of feeling guilty about that. Why would I? We're married. We decided that he'd earn the money and I'd stay home and do the really important stuff . Its our money, not his. He couldn't earn it if I wasn't doing my part.

On the other hand, I do feel (slightly) guilty about the amount of housework that I don't do. Not guilty enough to get me off Mumsnet though.

nope, no sense of guilt, not sure why as I generally am good at feeling guilty!!!!!!!!!!! However, def not on this subject, just spent some of his hard earned cash on dvds!

No, but I wonder if that is because we have always had joint accounts etc since we got married - so it is always "our money". I guess at the back of my mind I am aware that I have the same earning power as dh, and so there was (theoretically) a choice as to which of us stayed at home (and for a while we both worked part-time).

well I do now but when I had dd and ds's I was a SAHM and IN NO WAY did I feel guilty - why on earth should I? and dh never made me feel guilty either. I just look at my three and think - what a fantastic result for no financial gain!

Not at all - we have three children and I look after them and it's bl**dy hard work!
Like fruitful I feel the odd pang or three of guilt about the amount of time spent on Mumsnet/drinking tea with friends whilst watching said children rampaging with other small beings/reading home improvement magazines on the couch. Not enough to turn into Martha Stewart though...

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