Guilt - how many of you feel guilty for not contributing financially to the home?

[tigerlil]

Just thought I'd post this to see what the response would be?

I don't really feel guilty as such but I have found it very hard to get used to, I've had to support myself since I was 18 and am naturally a very independant person. I will be going back to work when dd is 6 months old , not because I want to but because we can't manage on one salary for very long.

Prepare for the rush, tigerlil!

Very, very, VERY guilty, but we are at least in a position to be able to manage on dh's salary. We don't have a lot of disposable income and there's always too much month left over at the end of the money but we manage. I do feel bad that I can't contribute financially, but feel that my contribution to raising our daughter (almost) compensates.

It is a totally valid contribution to be at home raising kids and taking care of the house. But I do feel guilty when I see my dh falling apart with stress and having to take weeks off work. . He's a lot better now but it still feels like pressure to try and help him find an escape route. How can you help feeling like this if you love your dp or dh, you are in it together.

HMMMM Not sure really.
I have always worked but my husband pays ALL the bills from his salary and i just buy a few items of food and stuff. I do buy anything my son needs and any little extras we want so its not like i dont contribute. Problem is though is that all the bills are in dh name and not mine and sometimes it feels like because my contributions are not on paper that i dont make any!!!!! OH WELL

I don't feel guilty - my contribution to the home is just as valid. That said my dh loves his job and whilst his work can be stressful for him, its not to the point where affects him.

Anorak - your poor dh I can understand why you feel guilty in that situation.

oh god NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I do ! its my money
thats marriage!

why do you ask tigerlil?

At first i found it hard to not earn my own money. I've worked and took care of myself all my life (well since early teens) and it didn't seems natural.
However, now dd is here, i don't feel a bit guilty.
I'm looking after our child and have nothing to feel guilty for.

A bit the opposite for me. I pay all the bills and contribute much more financially to the household and dh feels guilty. I think it's a harder position for men to accept as they feel thet should be the providers and not being able to do so makes them feel inadequate.

it's our money not HIS! i dont feel at all guilty. i contributed to our account when i was working, plus what would he do if I decided i didnt want to look after the kids anymore?

I'm on the opposite end here. I work and dh stays home with ds. He is wonderful with him and I don't think it bothers him at all that I support the family. It certainly doesn't bother me as I get to concentrate much better at work knowing that ds is safe at home with his beloved dada.

I do have someone come in for 4 hours a day so that dh can do some work from home (he is a writer) but he sometimes finds it difficult to get much done with the other things that are always cropping up. So, conversely, occasionally I feel a little guilty about that!

What i dont contribute in monitary terms i more than make up with in "hard graft" at home IMHO

Not guilty, but would like to earn some money again one day, what a difference it will make to our budget!

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I think if I wasn't earning I wouldn't feel guilty but I would find it harder to buy things for me, even if it was easily affordable. If I've earned my own money then I feel easier about spending some of it on clothes say.

Nope. Not in the slightest. It would cost more than I could earn to get someone in to do all the work that I do at home. And of course, you probably wouldn't even be able to GET a person who would be willing to do the lot!

not in the least - for so long I was independant - travelled and looked after myself. Managed to buy a house - we now live in the house in Aus and have quite a small mortgage rather than if we had to buy a house now!!

Like tessiebear I make up for it in hard work - looking ater 2yo and soon to be born no2 and the house etc.

With X2b he is now fighting in the dvorce because I did'nt contribute - he paid bills and mortgage I only fed, clothed and cared for himand DD as well as giving up my nice flat stomach to bare his child (!!) I actually had 3 nmonths off work when I was not earning or getting MB but apparenlty this does not count - I don't feel guilty at all - I made a valid enough contribution (he could have paid for someone to bare his child, do all his shopping, cooking, cleaning, bought all of his clothes and do his laundry and of course he would have had to pay greatly for the sex!!). And all the solicitors I have spoken to say that the contribution I made is seen as as much as the one he hade in the eyes of the law - as well as the career I gave up!!

So no I do not feel in the last bit guilty and am going to make sure I get payment very very soon!!

I was wondering what to do when I give up this time until DP - after watching Who Rules the Roost? last night asked me if a couple of hundred quid a week would do me to buy me, DD and DS's clothes and do the good shopping each week!! I was actually very good and said we could manage on a lot less than that!!

Ah Twinkie, bless him!

Probably not as guilty as dh thinks I should! And that's despite working full-time. Unfortunately I only earn about 75% of what he does, and then I pay for ds's full-time nursery place out of my salary, so the amount which actually goes into the account in my name only looks about half his contribution.

It doesn't help that this year I'm paying a lot of extra tax this year as my company made a mess of PAYE over the last 3 years, and I now have just this one year to pay all the extra. Hopefully next year, when the tax has been paid, ds starts getting pre-school funding, and my commuting costs are lower (have just switched offices to work closer to home) the difference might not be so obvious and I might be able to justify spending something on myself, which at the moment I really can't do.

LunarSea-surely the childcare should be a joint expense!!!

i do feel awfully guilty.....DH says its our money....i say its his....that he pays for the bills and shopping. DH says that he doesnt want me to go to work anyway, that I am already doing the hardest unpaid job on the planet.....I feel guilty about having to ask him for money for things....he says I shouldnt ask for money but i do....he gives me his cheque at the end of the week and tells me to pay whatevers needed.

I think that dh feels guilty that he doesn't earn enough for me to stay at home. I always thought that I'd hate being at home all the time, but now that dd's here, I really don't want to go back to work. I'm currently looking into changing jobs as I work a long way from home, or possibly going part time.