Dam you Spider

[FuckFacePlatapus]

Well sat armed with a tin of insect spray, a snooker cue and a coffee to try calm my nerves after the run in of all run ins i have just had with the bastard spider. I mean who seriously wakes up needing a poo in the middle of the night? Of yes that would be me because of bloody shift work.

Well sat doing the deed when this massive spider ran from under the door next to my foot then just stopped dead. Im mid business screaming at my sons to get up. It edged towards me when that was it, i had to run out the bathroom screaming mid shit!!!

Not even a rugby playing lad armed with a box and his foot could get this fucker gone. Just why do they do this?

How can i stop them getting in the house?

My 2 fucking cats are useless

I need something stronger than coffee.

Both DH and I have been woken up this week by a Big Fella who likes to cuddle up in bed with us at night.

We're pretty happy to have spiders in and around the house. But even I draw the line at finding them in bed!

It ran down my arm yesterday, I grabbed it and launched it across the room in the dark. The absence of a carcass suggests I managed not to kill the gigantic fucker, so presumably it's still somewhere in the room.

No spider cuddles last night though, so maybe some etiquette is being learned.

Maybe you just need to have a talk with yours like you did with your kids when they were small and you just wanted a shit in peace?

🕷

@General0rgana it’s probably made itself at home in your knicker drawer ready to leap out at you in the morning

Or crawled into dh ear.

Aww the spider loves you. If you stop rejecting it he’ll need less tlc

I don't mind spiders because they kill flies and other insects which I don't like. However we had a large huntsman spider in the bath and it was impossible to catch so I had to trap him in a duster and throw him out the window.

@OrangeJustice that's happened before! Except work trousers, not knickers (thankfully). And that one didn't make itself known for several hours. I've never run to the loo so fast in my life!

@Jesaminecollins wtf? Are you actually trying to kill me with that video ?🙀

@General0rgana i would burn my house down if it was in my bed!

As for my cats, they both rang up the stairs when they heard me screaming like a banshee, took one look at my eldest doing his best battle in the bathroom, then disappeared off onto his empty bed whilst he was doing there job for them!

As for my other 2 boys, the one who normally follows me to the bathroom, the 8 year old, heard the noise but refused to get up, the 17 year old slept through the lot.

And i need a wee but i aint getting up. I wish i was at work, little fuckers 🕷