(and not for the squeamish, either).
Is everyone's morning like this? OK, so it's now 09.13 in the morning and so far things have run as follows:
2.45 woken by wailing from dd2 (15 months). Doesn't stop even when I go in and tuck her up again. Worry she's cold. Finally subsides.
3.10 wailing resumes, in that horribly familiar blade-inserted-in-brain way. Mumble to DP about whether I should b/feed her in manner absolutely not recommended. Decide against.
3.15 Feed her.
3.25 DD2 consents to be tucked back in bed, albeit with bit of wailing. Feel guilty, still, that she's cold. Go back to bed myself.
6.10 woken by wailing from both Inferiorettes in normal morning manner. Eventually DD1 (three)consents to go downstairs and eat breakfast (don't even ask about breakfast, given that DP believes that if it's organic it doesn't matter that it is, basically, CocoPops) in front of CBeebies while DD2 remains - uncharacteristically grumpy - with me. Feed her again. Finally concede that no way can I even pretend to be resting, and get her dressed. GEt me dressed. Hand her to DP when he returns from shower (lucky bugger, a whole 20 minutes' peace in hot water
7.20 flaming row with DD1 who refuses point-blank to come upstairs and get dressed. DP loses it and shouts. I remonstrate feebly. DP shouts at me for doing nothing. I carry DD1 upstairs and get her dressed, albeit with minor outburst when I put on a top she says is an 'outdoor' one.
7.30 manage to get own breakfast down me. DP finishes breakfasting DD2. Who is still grumpy.
7.35 another flaming row with DD1 who refuses to come upstairs for our morning 'fur fangs and faces' (teeth, hair and flannel) routine. Manage in the end, although she refuses to do a pre-departure wee.
7.40 another flaming row with DD1 who refuses to put her shoes on. Manage in the end. Put DD2 in buggy. Get us out of the door, DD1 trailing her raincoat.
7.50 put raincoat on DD1. Realise that - horror - she has trailed it in some animal sht. And that it's on my hand, now. Go back to house. Get grumpy DP to take charge of DD2 (and clean the front path where sht is located) while DD1 and I wash frantically. Put a new coat on DD1. We race off, because we need to get to the childminder's before 8.30 at the latest and it's getting pretty damn late.
8.10 Cheery walk along proves too good to be true. DD1 announces, as we're about half-way along, that she needs a wee after all. Decide not to knock on the door of friends we're passing, on basis they'll be equally frenzied. Suggest weeing in park on grass (sorry, I know lots of you find this revolting, needs must). DD1 agrees, on condition she removes shoes, socks, trousers and pants. I get frantic suggesting a quicker/less cold method of weeing. Notice sht on my jacket sleeve. Lose temper. Shout. Friend emerges from her house as I am in full termagent mode, calms us both down, says please come in next time. Dress DD1 again, noting sht on the knee of her trousers.
8.25 run like mad to childminder's. Drop kids off. Realise that I never strapped DD2 in.
8.45 leg it home. Realise that a Very Important Fax DP collected for me yesterday, under great protest (I don't have a fax machine at home) is still in his briefcase and he's gone to work and is out late tonight...
8.50 in through our door. Get up to office. Trip over enormous basket of washing I'd carefully stashed in here away from DD2's careless paws.
Things can only get better, can't they? I'm off to sort the washing now...