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Original poster

Please help with my SAHM financial confusion!!!

19 replies

chocoholicfrog · 07/08/2007 09:53

I've been a SAHM for 19mths now & have been supporting myself with maternity pay and then my savings.
These have now dried up so my income is a big fat zero.
My DP takes home around £4k a month and all bills, mortgage, food comes out of this plus his car and maintenence for his other children. Then he is left with about £1k which I am guessing goes on his loans etc.

I have the chance to earn about £400 this month working a couple of weekends and we had quite a heated discussion last night about the fact that he thinks he should have half of this money.

I have already said that I am wanting to earn it so we have some money to spend on holiday so I don't have a problem with us both spending it, it is more the fact that he thinks I am wrong in not immediately offering it to him.

Am I missing something? Should I be paying bills with it? Should I be allowed to keep any money I make in a month or is that being selfish when he pays for everything else?

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/08/2007 10:00

Do you have a joint account ? 1k seems a lot to disappear into the ether.

deegward · 07/08/2007 10:01

If he gets to keep the 1k after bill etc, then you should keep the money. Does he give you no money???

EscapeFrom · 07/08/2007 10:03

How much disposable income is left after you have paid all your bills? Between you?

because that is what you should be splitting down the middle. You are contributing by keeping his house and allowing him to go back to work without paying for childcare. You have equal right to the househole disposable income - and that INCLUDES his wages.

Cappuccino · 07/08/2007 10:06

the only way ahead imo is to have a joint account

everything comes out of same and you both have exactly same amount of disposable income regardless of individual earnings

if you want to save for holiday that comes out before you start dividing the disposable up

'you are guessing' what his £1k goes on?

oh dear no

Original poster
chocoholicfrog · 07/08/2007 10:08

The household bills come out of the joint account which we both used to contribute about half each to. They total about 2k then he pays for his car, loans & maintenance out of the rest of his money.
I feel silly for not pushing about what everything else went on but it is him earning the money not me so I started to back off a bit.
I don't think he has anything left but I was a little confused by him telling me that I should be offering him what I earn when I assumed he at least had something to live off.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 07/08/2007 10:10

if he is paying a grand on loans he may need a financial review imo.
(used to be a personal bank account manager before becoming a sahm!)

Original poster
chocoholicfrog · 07/08/2007 10:13

Sorry, I sound a bit pathetic with my 'guessing' don't I.
Sounds like I need to push for including everything in the joint account then. I just didn't want to come across as money grabbing when he is the one doing the 'paid' work.
It is all still a bit new to me to not be contributing financially so it takes a bit of getting used to.

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 07/08/2007 10:13

'it is him earning the money not me'

yes but you are a family unit now it has changed

all money shared

including yours

but everything out on the table

it is not your responsibility to save your money for holiday

it is your joint responsibility

kslatts · 07/08/2007 10:14

I think a joint account would be a good idea. Dh and I have a joint account, my wages are paid monthly and cover all the direct debits, dh gets paid each week on a friday, we do the weekly food shopping and then have the rest to spend as a family.

tracyk · 07/08/2007 10:15

How do you mean he should have half the money - ie you physically give him £200? or does it just go in the joint account and get used up with the rest of the stuff.
I guess it depends on how the rest of the money is spent eg does he still use his wages for socialising or his hobbies and you feel that you don't use the money for treats ie facials etc as its not really 'your' money? If so - then if you've earnt it you deserve to treat yourself.
Anyhoo - sounds as if you both need to sit down and discuss finances esp if you are going to get more work in the future.

Original poster
chocoholicfrog · 07/08/2007 10:22

I think you are right about us having to look at things from a 'family unit' point of view Cappuchino. We are both quite independant so are used to having our own disposable incomes and now that they have gone we are floundering a bit.

I will speak to him today about the suggestion of putting everything into one account (including my earnings) and looking at it together.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoholicfrog · 07/08/2007 10:23

Ladyoftheflowers - might need some help from you on getting these loans down then

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Cappuccino · 07/08/2007 10:29

we have it all on a spreadsheet so is easy to sort out

bills and everything come out first

then saving

then us

Ladymuck · 07/08/2007 10:32

I note that he is a dp rather than a dh. Whilst it is common (though by no means universal) for married couples to have a joint income/property model, it is also common for unmarried couples to operate under a different set of assumptions. Some people want a degree of separation from each other for example which is one of the reasons why they don't get married in the first place.

In some respects I'm not sure that it is really that easy to give an answer without understanding how the rest of your finances/relationship work. Eg how does your accommodation work - do you have a joint house/mortgage, or a joint tenancy? What about life insurance/wills? In terms of the decision for you to become a SAHM, was it a joint decision, and is it one that he still supports?

Original poster
chocoholicfrog · 07/08/2007 10:39

Our mortgage / house is in joint names and we both made the decision for me to be a SAHM (although it doesn't feel like it sometimes!) He made me feel like it wasn't fair me being a SAHM and earning money last night and even said well you might as well go back to work then.

OP posts:
oranges · 07/08/2007 10:50

I actually would go back to work in your position - it doesn't sound as if you have much financial security, or that your dh will treat you with much respect, till you do.

oranges · 07/08/2007 10:51

I;ve alos just looked at how much he earns. You have 4,000 a month income, and he wants your 200??

tribpot · 07/08/2007 10:54

I can't believe you had to use up your own savings when he's bringing in 4 grand a month - which, in case not blindingly obvious, is a lot. And he wants 200 quid off you? In which month did you get 2000 off him?!

Original poster
chocoholicfrog · 08/08/2007 20:52

Spoke to DP and he apologised for being a bit off. He has agreed to a joint account for everything so hopefully that will sort the issues out.
Thanks for all the help. It looks like it was something that really needed sorting before it caused a major rift.

Grr to money.

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