Breastfeeding at 8 years old.

[Jbr]

A woman in the US has been warned for breastfeeding an 8 year old boy.

ks that must have been a heart-rending little question. Is there another activity, eg reading a book together whilst cuddled up, which you could use as special time, to ease the weaning process?

I honestly can't see a why a child would want to breastfeed as they get older. Surely taste would change and breastmilk wouldn't appeal anymore? Of course it would vary child to child. As for it being just for "comfort" well notion of "comfort" is wide open to interpretation and misinterpretation.

I used to express and store milk. A bit dearer than feeding from the breast but more convenient. It was still cheaper (and better for want of a less judgemental word) than using powdered though.

Ks I feel so sad for your little boy. What you are doing really isn't that unusual. Hope you both come oout if it happy.

ks - I can see that I'll be you in a couple of years time. I can't see ds ever wanting to stop on his own. I guess you don't get much out of it yourself except pleasing him of course. I know just how you feel as it is so easy to do and nothing really replaces it. Is your ds at school now? Why worry and maybe just carry on for a bit longer? There is quite a bit of stuff on the Internet on extended breastfeeding - I can pull a few things out for you if you are interested.

Jbr - why do you think so many kids suck their thumbs for so long, have sucky blankets, teddy bears, dummies and the like. All comforters. The breast is just the same and in many respects more 'natural' - the other things I mentioned are substitutes.

Intersting to re-read what Dettwyler says about this. As a matter of interest ks does your son have attachements to toys or anything inanimate? My ds has a teddy he sleeps with (he stopped sleeping with me a few months ago) but it is totally ignored during the daytime).

What an interesting and enlightening thread this has turned out to be. DS (11mos) has happily given up bf except for the morning one, which he is extremely attached too. However, the other day he rolled off the bed (I know, bad mummy) and he was very, very upset, but feeding him very briefly calmed him down fast. It is great comforter. I think anything that conforts a child so profoundly has to be good, but where - age-wise - do you draw the line?

KS, I really feel for you and your little boy at the moment. My daughter breastfed until 2.5 yrs and we were treated by many as if we were freaks but I would have continued if she had wanted too. What is wrong with breastfeeding for comfort? Frankly Ks I admire you. I am sure that you and your son have a wonderfully close relationship. Best wishes Winnie x

My ds also only has the morning feed, and gave up his night one voluntarily about 3 months ago. I am a bit concerned about the comment made earlier (by someone's hv?) that b/f'ing them longer than 1 year was tantamount to 'abuse' on the part of the mother. I have never forced my ds to feed, and, although I felt a bit sad about him dropping the feed at night, I accepted it as part of him growing up.

This is surely a healthy view of b/f'ing? I would hate to think that anybody would think it unnatural to feed past this stage if the baby wants it.

I must admit that, before we had ds, my dh and I were surprised that my sil was still feeding her ds in the morning after a year, but this was merely ignorance. She was embarrassed at the time, obviously because other people had said that she should stop, and I now feel awful for adding to her embarrassment.

Personally, I think that I will stop when ds is walking and talking, because it would feel like he is no longer a baby. However, this is only how I want to be, not how I expect anyone else to be.

I think that part of the problem is that men cannot see breasts as anything other than for their amusement and regard breastfeeding as a temporary thing before the boobs in question return to their previous function. (I don't mean specifically dh/ps but men in general.) Therefore society has some really warped ideas. It's not helped by the likes of Shei;la Kitzinger who describe breastfeeding as 'coitus' with 'both parties having reached orgasm'. Excuse me? No wonder many women feel awkward about b/f.

I have no idea whether b/fing an 8 year old is abuse or not but Kate Figes in her book 'Life After Birth' says that 'subtle sexual abuse' by mothers includes 'frequently sharing a bed with a child' and 'massaging a child at an age when it is inappropriate for her to do so.' Hmn. I don't think I entirely agree with that.

Reading this thread has definitely made me think of what dd and I have missed out on.

Well, if a man shares a bed with a child in a parental sense - especially if the child isn't his own - it's seen as abusive.

We don't seem to accept men being close to children.

Good luck to you ks.

Regarding co-sleeping. I think one problem is that people worry about their child never sleeping alone. It isn't really all that long. For us ds finally moved to his own bed and slept right through just before he turned 3. This co-incided very well with the arrival of the new baby who is co-sleeping too. He did sleep with me for about a month after she was born - him on one side, her on the other, this I am sure was just for reassurance. Now it works really well as I just pull dd to me in the night to feed her and when ds wakes in the morning he may come in for 5 mins before we all get up.

For me I think co-sleeping has allowed me to give extra cuddles and comfort during the night. Useful I would have thought for working parents who don't see a lot of their child during the daytime.

I asked dh when boys start to develop sexually and he said around 9-13. Most kids are pretty independent by then and I've yet to hear of anyone breastfeeding older than 8. I am sure nature works it all out for the best. There is just a lot of ignorance about breastfeeding older children and this often leads to old wives tales.

That Kitzinger woman - sex mad!

I've found all the discussion on this very interesting, and I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has been so open about what they are doing. My ds is only 7 months, but even now seems much keener on bf than his sister was at this age. I know he will be my last baby (have been told that another baby would probably cost me a kidney) and so I know I am not going to want to stop, and that he probably wont want to either. Weaning dd was a hard shock for us both. I had hoped to continue longer as I had heard so many positive stories about feeding in pregnancy and tandem nursing, but within a week of finding I was pregnant my milk had totally gone, and my poor 14 month old dd was reeling at fast weaning. My dh is a doctor and theoretically very happy with breastfeeding (although he thinks I am 'irrational' on the subject - I chose to continue bf rather than take prescribed antidepressants and did 3 months of research to find safe anti-d's for breastfeeding - which have meant I can feed this time!), but I am sure extending it much past the 14 months could cause some problems with him, though he has always respected my choices on this. (And his surgery are sponsoring me to become a bfc and they hope I will set up a support group in the practice etc, all at his instigation, and I don't think there are a lot of male Gp's who are so into it!)
So to hear other people's stories has been helpful and quite inspiring. Thinking of you a lot ks. Remembering the look on my tiny girlies face when she realised there wasn't any more milk coming out, I can hardly imagine what it must be like for you and your ds, all the best with it!

susanmt - you say - "but I am sure extending it much past the 14 months could cause some problems with him"

What sort of problems?

ks, as you probably know I had big problems with b/feeding and gave up after only a week (dd was in intensive care, I had a g/a etc) and so anything about breastfeeding starts me off. Reading this thread just makes me think of the closeness that we've missed out on as I'd intended to breastfeed dd until she was at least a year old. Having said that I sympathise massively with your situation, in that context what I said must have sounded very odd. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. I can remember not wanting to grow up, do you think that your little lad might be trying to hang on to his younger self?

susanmt - loads of sympathy too. I wish that I could bottle the feeling that I get when I hold dd in my arms, it's going so fast.

ks, of course I'm not offended that you didn't know about our b/f difficulties. It's just that I've gone on and on about it so much on mumsnet! Thank you very much indeed for your kind comments, all I can say is that your ds is very lucky to have you for a mum.

Eulalia, Susan said that her GP was a bit funny about breastfeeding so I took that post to mean that if she breastfeeds her baby beyond 14 mths it could cause problems with him.