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Original poster

Wedding dilemma - what would you do?

16 replies

Skate · 20/09/2004 10:15

Just need advice/support on this one.

SIL having wedding on Friday - registry office followed by private dinner in restaurant for family.

Having 'do' Saturday night in a hall (not sure what this means) from 7.30pm onwards for family plus friends, work colleagues etc.

We are travelling down from Manchester to London for this with DS1 (3.5 yrs), DS2 (2 years) and DS3 (3 weeks). I have no objection to the wedding day itself - it would be rude not to go but I'm really not up for this 'do' the following evening. I've got a 3 week old baby who I'm lucky enough to have in a good routine and he feeds at 7pm goes down to bed straight after and is down for the night (except for 10.30 and 3am feeds of course!). On top of this DS1 and DS2 also go to bed at 7.30pm.

Therefore I really don't want to be taking any of them out to this do when I could have them in bed, still in their routine.

If I keep them in their routine, I'll know where I'm to, keep my sanity and I can plan the car journey home on Sunday around their predictable nap times.

Anyone think I'm out of order for not wanting to do to this? SIL will hate me but I do I just deal with that and do what's best for me and kids??

OP posts:
MeanBean · 20/09/2004 10:18

What does DH say about it?

Twiglett · 20/09/2004 10:18

message withdrawn

littlemissbossy · 20/09/2004 10:23

IMO the wedding is the most important part and you're all going to the that. I wouldn't bother with the Saturday 'do' just have a word "hope you're not offended but..." and explain the situation, if you've got a 3wk old baby they'll understand

vict17 · 20/09/2004 10:45

I think you should do what feels right for you and the kids. Perhaps if you have a word they might confess to not wanting kids there anyway? Or do dh's parents live near by to babysit?

Original poster
Skate · 20/09/2004 10:59

DH doesn't particularly want to go either - he hates family parties!

I feel that going to the wedding and wedding day reception is the important part and we'll see all the family there. We'll also spend all day Saturday with them but while I agree that taking DS1 and DS2 to the evening do wouldn't be too much of an issue, I feel uncomfortable about taking a 3 week old baby. I still feel a bit 'strange' and emotional and don't think I could handle him being passed round to all and sundry when he should be tucked up in his cot.

Added to that, I don't particularly feel up to a big party myself.

OP posts:
Angeliz · 20/09/2004 11:01

Personally i wouldn't do the do

With 3 kids under the age of 4 she can hardly blame you for not wanting to disrupt their routine.

You're making the effort to go to the Wedding, that's enough+

Angeliz · 20/09/2004 11:02

Didn't read how young the baby was, yes i agree on that point too.
EVERYONE will want a hold!!!

006 · 20/09/2004 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeanBean · 20/09/2004 11:04

Skate, I would just be honest and say to them that you would love to come, but that you are exhausted with a new baby and simply don't feel up to a big party - exactly what you've said here. Don't talk about routines, people who haven't had children quite often don't understand why routine is so important, but they do understand tiredness. They may also understand that a big noisy party is an unsuitable and possibly frightening place for a three week old baby.

cab · 20/09/2004 11:04

Skate I'm sure they'll understand - unless of course they've already organised babysitters etc for you? I think they would be amazed if you did go. (And perhaps relieved if you don't - a 3 week old baby might steal the limelight after all!!!)

soapbox · 20/09/2004 11:05

I think you should do what you want to do, but if you are in the mood to compromise, why don't you let DH take the two elder children to the party for a couple of hours only. This will give you a couple of hours with your baby and let you get him off to bed on time. The family will get to see the older two again and DH has a perfectly valid excuse to leave as soon as he's had enough!

aloha · 20/09/2004 11:06

You had a baby three weeks ago? And you are travelling many miles to go to a wedding with two toddlers and aforementioned baby? Then you are a heroine. Bugger the party. If women who have just given birth aren't allowed to miss a party then who is???

twogorgeousboys · 20/09/2004 11:12

Skate, I thing you are being brilliant by going to the ceremony itself. I would also feel the party was too much if I were in your shoes.

I can't see how your sil will hate you. If she is offish about it, that's very rude and unreasonable of her.

binker · 20/09/2004 12:01

Skate - stick to your routine with the kids is what I'd do !

Original poster
Skate · 20/09/2004 15:10

Thanks for all your support. I think DH will go and maybe take older child with him for just a while but I just can't face it myself with a baby.

I'm glad you all agree that I'm doing the best I can by going down to the wedding itself anyway.

OP posts:
Tartegnin · 20/09/2004 18:14

... and then just wait until SIL has a three week old baby and then invite her to some big family "do"!

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