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Talking dirty...what to say?

38 replies

dontknowhowto · 29/07/2007 00:13

Seeing as I already have an embarassing thread, I may as well add this one

So, is it really as simple as saying what you want or how good it is?

Please help

OP posts:
ktmoomoo · 29/07/2007 00:14

really easy

sallystrawberry · 29/07/2007 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontknowhowto · 29/07/2007 00:15

lol thanks Sally Strawberry. Thing is, that is just what springs to mind

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 29/07/2007 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brimfull · 29/07/2007 00:19

just tell him he's hung like a donkey
and you.ve never seen one so big

Charlottesweb · 29/07/2007 00:19

Say:

"Honey, you know that blonde girl with the big boobs from accounts?........ I think she is so hot"

Not that I've ever done that, but I hear it gets them going.........

dontknowhowto · 29/07/2007 00:24

Oh, ok, so lesbian references and the donkey one. You're about as imaginative as I am!

Where's Expat when you need her?

OP posts:
Charlottesweb · 29/07/2007 00:28

Perhaps talk about past sexual encounter you & he have had together?

We once shared a really dirty weekend once, when we weren't supposed to be together... ie: I had told my parents I was away with friends & he had told his family he was away with work (our families disapproved)

So now if I was to get dh going, all I have to do is mention the name of the B&B..or the forest, or the beach we went to

Have you any nice/horny memories??

dontknowhowto · 29/07/2007 00:34

Aaah, ok. Good idea Charlottesweb. Thing is, it's all a bit new so not many experiences to talk about but definitley a good starting point. Thank you

OP posts:
Muddytwoshoes · 29/07/2007 00:42

Is it you or DH that wants the dirty talking?

Muddytwoshoes · 29/07/2007 00:45

I usually find a bit of rhapsodising about his glorious member does the trick

TequilaMockinBird · 29/07/2007 00:46

You need to use lots of descriptive words - wet, moist, deep, big, hard, throbbing, thrusting etc....

Not that i've ever done it - I just read about it somewhere

dontknowhowto · 29/07/2007 00:47

okidoki - I can do this. He said he likes it and he says some things - I'd just like to be able to say something good back!

I need to watch the Kate Winslet episode of Extras again!

OP posts:
Charlottesweb · 29/07/2007 00:48

Would you be any good at describing fantasies to him?

TBH we didn't talk dirty until much farther into our relationship & by then I knew what he wanted to hear

dontknowhowto · 29/07/2007 00:56

fantasies...oh that's a whole other can of worms

OP posts:
Muddytwoshoes · 29/07/2007 00:58

Just connect with your inner slut - we all have one - just seen the BJ tread - combine the slutty talk with the languorously enthusiastic bj & he'll be in heaven

dontknowhowto · 29/07/2007 01:00

Oh no, this has just started a whole new slutty fanatsy

What have you started, twoshoes?

OP posts:
UCM · 29/07/2007 01:03

Just start with the usual.

Oh honey, baby, darling, that is soooo goood, do it again, please baby, yep, just there, oooooooooooooooooooI love you, gasp, then oh fuck oh fuck, hell, I will love you to sainsburys and back -ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

That type of thing.

Muddytwoshoes · 29/07/2007 01:07

A whole new world of fun dkht just unleash the beast upon him

greensleeves · 29/07/2007 01:09

congratulations on the funniest thread title this side of armafuckinggeddon

Muddytwoshoes · 29/07/2007 01:12

Am very much enjoying your profile Greensleeves - wish I was that subversive

jellyjelly · 29/07/2007 09:04

can anyone tell me where this blow job thread is, i need a laugh today.

Papillon · 29/07/2007 09:05

not my suggestions but somebodies elses tips on the matter

And now for some ?starter? suggestions:

?I like it when you ? ? feels so good. __ me again?
?Touch/stroke/lick/suck/ ? ?me harder?
?__ me there? and then show him
?Keep doing and I am going to ?
?Would you like me to touch/stroke/lick/suck? ? me hard with your dick/c*ck/penis/lovestick/big ?insert word of choice?
?I?m going to _ you until you cum?
?Give it to me harder/faster/longer/rougher/deeper.?
?Do _ again.

The trick is to avoid being vague and to say what you want and what you?re doing. Think of it as your usual sex with a voiceover where instead of feeling your way to each stage or just going with the flow, things don?t proceed until you verbalise them.

bratnav · 29/07/2007 09:43

Definitely good advice Papillon, also tell him what you thought about last time you 'double clicked your mouse' he should love the thought of you touching yourself as well as what you thought about

bananabump · 29/07/2007 10:47

If you feel uncomfortable, try turning the lights off, getting under the covers, and just whisper to him with roaming hands, rather than fumbling for words under a 60 watt bulb with him looking on expectantly. Or even try surprising him with a sexy phonecall while you're at home in bed and he can't do anything about it. This way you'll be in control the first time.

Lying on your back changes the pitch of your voice, as does projecting your voice from your navel. This may sound crazy but try it.... Say talking as if your voice is coming from your bellybutton. Instantly more sexy. Don't talk too fast, and make it a little breathy. Leave out the pornstar screaming and filthy language UNLESS that's what he likes. Breathy moans, gasps and whispers are generally sexier.

Keep on the same level of language as him, so for example if he is saying "make love" and "breasts" don't start in with the c word, and vice versa. Decide on the words you're comfortable with using and don't ever be tempted to go into "throbbing love pole" territory unless you want to ruin the mood and end up in a fit of giggles instead!

As for WHAT to say, is there any aspect of what he says that turns you on? Men like to hear their own fantasies being echoed, so say if he's talking about an illicit encounter with you where you meet as strangers in a sauna and you get wandering hands in the steam, try to get in on it as he's describing it and embellish it but carry on along his theme. Make it hotter and wetter and him more irresistable, and consider all your senses (and the fact you could get caught/someone may be watching and/or wanting to join in) etc etc...let your imagination run away with you.

Don't forget to let him know how turned on you are/how much you want him/he's driving you crazy/don't stop. You get the picture. Throw in the odd command too, and make the most of your position of power. You may find when you loosen up you begin to enjoy getting him in a state!

And as someone just said, your own fantasies are a great place to start as long as you know/suspect he would find them a turnon and not odd/scary (best leave the ones involving your sexy personal trainer/massive bullwhips at home and start off fairly conservatively) Just have a think about it next time you "indulge yourself" and try whispering the fantasy outloud to see how it sounds. Just remember to turn the two-way baby monitor off first.

Chances are he'd love to hear what goes through your mind, and love adding his own input to it. Warning: This will usually involve him, his fantastic phallus, and half the members of the pussycat dolls, ruining your milkmaid in a hayloft fantasy forever. Perhaps keep your best ones to yourself!

And no, for anyone who's wondering, I don't talk up a storm to my dp every night (I let him have the odd wednesday night off) I just used to have a summer job on a chatline so had plenty of (boring, repetitive, unsatisfying) experience with entertaining men solely with the powers of my imagination and precious little of theirs.