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Original poster

Am I disiplining my daughter in-correctly - my sister seems to think I am/

23 replies

changednameforthispost · 15/09/2004 15:03

Need some advice. I have changed my name as I know my sister looks at mumsnet, she is not a regular poster but likes to search under my name and then bring up things I have said.

I need some advice as my sister has left me feeling that I am a horrible mother and I am confused as I thought I was doing the best for my DD aged 5.

The thing is she is at the naughty stage and I am constantly having to tell her off all the time, what I do is warn her that if she does it again I will deduct 10 mins off the hours evening tv which she likes, ie if she is naughty 6 times then she has no telly, but what I do is if she behaves herself for a while I then give her 10 mins back and also if she helps with housework, I will give her another 10 mins back, she always responds to this and hates not having her evening telly and behaved and helps out.

The thing is my sister said I am not helping her as no telly, should mean no telly and I am being soft. I just wanted honest advice from you, if you think I am wrong then please tell me as I want the best for my DD.

OP posts:
Original poster
changednameforthispost · 15/09/2004 15:04

Not clear in the post that she has 1 hours tv - 6-7 pm,

OP posts:
MeanBean · 15/09/2004 15:06

I think what you're doing sounds reasonable. If you emphasise when she does watch TV, that she could have had more had she been better behaved, that's probably enough punishment. You can get more draconian if you feel it's not working, but if you are happy that your DD is learning her lesson from it, then I think that you are the best judge of that, not your sister.

catgirl · 15/09/2004 15:08

If your DD is responding to this then it sounds good to me. Don't have expereince of a 5 yr old, but I will keep this in mind for when I do! From my dealings with my 2 yr old the important thing is consistency, warning and follow through - which it sounds like you are doing.

Advice is great from people who aren't dealing with the situation isn't it!

ladywallopofcod · 15/09/2004 15:09

I think this does sound like hard work allt his adding and subtracting!

JJ · 15/09/2004 15:10

I think if it's working for you, then keep to it. In addition to being fair, it's teaching her math!

lydialemon · 15/09/2004 15:14

I think it sounds fine - you're teaching her that there are consequences for good behaviour as well as bad.

But TBH at the end of the day she's your DD, and your sister should just butt out.

Original poster
changednameforthispost · 15/09/2004 15:14

My dd sometimes would end up with no telly by about 10 am, and if she knew she was having no telly then she would be a horror for the rest of the day.

This way I get the chance of her being good.

We have 6 fruits (fridge magnets) and when she is naughty one goes to the bottom of the fridge, so she knows how many she is allowed to have.

if she has lost 20 mins telly, I tell her at 6pm that she could have been watching it now and then put the telly on at 6.20 pm.

OP posts:
Blu · 15/09/2004 15:17

I think your thinking on this sounds really good, and I certainly wouldn't change something that was working - we've got enough on our plates, haven't we? It's not your sisters business.

bundle · 15/09/2004 15:18

i think chldren need boundaries, and you are doing just that. if she understands and it's working, then what's your sister's problem? everyone does things differently and as long as your dd knows where she stands, that's fine. mixed messages are the worst thing imo. how does your sister handle it? does she want you to copy her??

Original poster
changednameforthispost · 15/09/2004 15:29

tbh I think my sister is extremely strict on her boy also aged 5. He doesn't put a foot wrong, he seems unhappy, I have him over all the time and as soon as my sister leaves he starts running about and playing. He once interupted her when she was talking to me, and she told him that she had told him too many times not to interupt and he got his tv taken out for a week.

She also feel that my DD should not ask for a drink at her house, she should wait until asked, DD always asks politely.

My sister is always one who has to be in the spotlight, when she told everyone she was pregnant (5 weeks) she was upset when 2 weeks later I announced I was 3 months pregnant, she even said oh great by the time I give birth no-one will care. I am happily married and she is not happy in her marriage, he has affairs and her also.

thanks for your replies it has made me feel a lot better, knowing that most of you think I am doing it correctly. my sister has a nack of making me bad.

OP posts:
cerys · 15/09/2004 15:35

I can't believe your DD isn't meant to ask for a drink at her auntie's house. Is she meant to dehydrate? Your sister sounds very strict!
I think I might try your method of deducting 10 minutes with my DDs, so thanks for posting this!

SoupDragon · 15/09/2004 15:36

Do you allow her to earn extra TV if she hasn't misbehaved (and therefore not lost any) but has helped you and behaved well?

Personally I think a reward/punishment scheme is good. Especially if it's visual like the fridge magnets and linked to something tangible that they enjoy - in this case TV.

bundle · 15/09/2004 15:58

changedname, I don't think there's a correct way as such, but you obviously wouldn't feel comfortable adopting your sister's way of doing things. she does sound v rigid and obviously envious re: her attitude to both your pregnancies. these are the sort of issues we never really analyse, just see what works for us. rather morbidly, we had to think about who would look after our girls if we both died, and i decided on one relative - above another one - because I didn't like the competitive nature of the parenting of another member of the family.

Original poster
changednameforthispost · 15/09/2004 16:01

Soupdragon, yes when we get to that stage I give her a gold star, she exchanges the gold star for an extra 15 mins staying up on non school nights. The most she has had was 5 and stayed up till 8.45 one friday she was so chuffed.

OP posts:
Original poster
changednameforthispost · 15/09/2004 16:02

Forgot to add that she was so chuffed she was telling people that she stayed up till the middle of the night

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 15/09/2004 16:03

sounds like a very good idea CMNFT, and if it works for you and your family, end of story IMHO. and might I suggest that you change your name permanently to avoid your sister "cyberinvestigating you"

Grommit · 15/09/2004 16:06

Sounds like a good idea to me and if it works why change it? Your sister should mind her own business

breeze · 15/09/2004 16:24

I do a similar thing with DS, he has video's in bed before he goes to sleep, I take them away and re-instate for super good behaviour, it works.

Batters · 15/09/2004 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bozza · 15/09/2004 20:50

changedname - I loved your last post. That particular reward obviously had a big impact on your DD.

jampot · 15/09/2004 20:57

i think its fundamentally a good idea but not sure I would reward good behaviour after bad - she could in fact play up for half the night then do a few good deeds and be back to where she was. However for good behaviour I would be inclined to reward her separately. the word sorry doesn't always work for me either - I am a mean mummy.

Tommy · 15/09/2004 21:22

I think it sounds good - my DSs too young for this yet but sort of thing I used in the classroom (not telly obviously!) Also think your sister sounds like mine - are you me CNFTP?

Twiglett · 15/09/2004 21:32

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