Partners ex is taking him to court.

[threeprincesses]

Hello,

Me and my partner have been together for 10 months now, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with our daughter. I have two other daughters from a previous relationship and he has his daughter with his ex. My partner and his ex have had a very sour break up, she really resents him for leaving and when they bicker she is constantly stating how he made the choice to leave her and their daughter. She was absolutely furious when she found out about me and that has made the situation between them very bitter. In February I met their daughter for the first time, we took her to the sea life centre and a few weeks later my partner uploaded a photo of us all. We've both blocked her on all our social media but she somehow had seen the photo and left work early, drove to their daughters nursery picked her up and took her home. This was in my partners time with their daughter, she text him telling him not to bother picking the child up as she already had, he wouldn't be having her as she wasn't allowing him to play happy families, use her child as pawn and upload pictures of her child with me. She stopped contact for two weeks. In this time my partner contacted their mediator who wrote a court order for him and applied to court. They went to court and he was granted every other weekend and every other Tuesday he would have their child over night and his mum would look after her on Wednesday whilst he worked, then he would have dinner with his daughter and drop her back home for 6.30pm that evening. At the time he was living at his parents house and this was all going smoothly. My partner moved into my home on May 11th so informed his ex about this a week later when he had his daughter for their weekend together. He told her that she was spending her first weekend at my home. His ex hit the roof saying she was calling the police and they will be coming to remove the child and bring her home. This all had happened late that evening so it was left until the next day. The next day my partner went to his parents house and called his ex, his parents recorded the phone call and she was screaming down the phone about how he's a liar, she's been looking on my social media, she's seen that I've been looking to swap homes on housing exchange groups etc she asked where her daughters sleeping. He told her that his daughter was sleeping in my two little girls bedroom with them, she was in a toddler bed. (She stated in their last court hearing that she wanted her child in a toddler bed and not a travel cot or anything else other than a toddler bed) and that their child was happy and had nothing to worry about. He said he will write my address down in their contact handover book and he would send her a photograph of the bedroom. It's a huge double bedroom with more than enough room, space and toys. She declined his offer of the photograph and asked what was going to be happening with the Tuesday contact. He told her it would be unfair to have their daughter stay at my house on the Tuesday as that would mean waking her up at 5.30am to take her to his parents house before he left for work. So she was staying at his parents (her grandparents) house on the Tuesday evening, he would have dinner with her, bath her and put her to bed there before he came home, then after work on the Wednesday he would go straight over have dinner with her, spend some time and drop her home at 6.30pm like normal. She wasn't happy with this as he wouldn't be caring for the child overnight and threatened to stop the midweek contact. By this point he was exhausted of arguing so his father text her asking her not to stop the midweek contact as that would be breaching the court order. Well nothing has been said since, we have been having his daughter like normal. Until yesterday, a letter turned up for him from the courts saying she has applied to go back to court. She made the application the following Monday after the weekend she was told about all of this. In her summary she's written that my partner has breached their contact order by making the agreement under false pretences, she said that he is not living at the address he stated and that her daughter is sharing a bedroom with two other children under 5 and she would like the court to review the court order and put more detailed guidelines in place and she also wants minimal contact from her child's father to reduce the conflict. My partner did not make their agreement under false pretences. The court asked where he lived at the time of the court hearing and he stated his parents house because that is where he was living! Their court date is in July and we honestly just can't believe she's dragging them back to court over this. Has anyone been through similar or could offer any advice?

I have absolutely no knowledge of how this would work but does the original contract say what he has to do if he moves eg provide notice/ move within a certain area etc? Because I would think there would be something like that. It's not like anyone would expect a person to live in the same place forever.

Personally, while I see the point about not waking her early to take her to her grandparents, I do see her point about the child not spending the night with her father. But sometimes practically is more important so I imagine it depends now hat the judge thinks.

Nope. It doesn't say anything about where he was living/currently living. It just says "father to have the child alternating weekends to when the mothers working". When they had the hearing the judge asked him where he was living and he stated his mums house and she said that he needs to be staying with the child there then when he has her. His ex had told caffcass that she believed his parents were having their daughter and he was staying at my house. Which wasn't true, he's never put me before that little girl ever. But in the court order it doesn't say anything about living arrangements or moving out.

I can see why it's going back to court, it should if they can't agree. He's been awarded an overnight that he can't do.
Imagine yourself in her shoes, being 4 months pregnant 10 months into a relationship you might find yourself in her shoes before long anyway. Obviously hopefully not, but I mean don't encourage him to treat his ex in any way that you wouldn't want to be treated.

Honestly? No wonder she’s salty. He presumably left her when their child was a baby and then got you pregnant after five months.

In that situation I would object to her staying over at your house playing happy families too.

It does sound like having her at yours is a breach of the court order.

When they had the hearing the judge asked him where he was living and he stated his mums house and she said that he needs to be staying with the child there then when he has her.

But he isn't staying with the child at his mum's house is he? So he's not doing what the judge said he had to do.

They broke up in January 2018. She fell pregnant with their daughter before they were officially in a relationship, it was thrown into the deep end suddenly just like ours. These things happen! She has another boyfriend now too, who's met her child might I add. I just find it very unfair

DecomposingComposers

She said that because his ex had told caffcass that she believed his parents were having their daughter and he was staying at my house. Which wasn't true! Hence why the judge asked where he lives and said he needs to be staying with his daughter. We understand this is no longer the case on the Tuesday overnight but surely the judge would prefer her to be staying at her grandparents rather than woken up at 5.30am to be taken there.

Why can't he stay at his parents house on the weed day contact?
It seems a habit that his gf's seem to get pregnant incredible fast before the relationship has developed now he's moving in with you already.
Sounds like a lot of growing up to be done all round.

Or week day contact even!

@threeprincesses

I've got no idea how it works. To me though, if a judge says that you have to do something, and particularly if you agree to do it, then you can't really be surprised if the case goes back to court when you don't do what the judge told you to do.

Ah, lovey, I think you need to try not to get too involved between them. He’s a big boy, he can sort it out. It’s a messy situation, she clearly resents you, and you sticking your oar in isn’t going to help.

Concentrate on keeping things calm and reassuring for your own two. They’re going to be feeling unsettled by all the changes. They don’t need their mum getting het up about this.

I think he needs to learn to use a condom in very early days relationships.

Good grief how many kids with different parents, bring back jeremy Kyle, someone.
You are having a baby with someone you don't know, a relative stranger. You have more problems than his x you don't know him.
Why not take precautions and set a good example to the existing children.

If I found out my ex was leaving our child somewhere else on his overnights, I would take him to court too. Court is also warranted for being expected to share a room with unrelated children.

He didn’t have to move in with you. That is a choice he made that is clearly impractical with his parenting responsibilities.

So she fell pregnant very early, and you have too There’s a pattern here...

@RomanyQueen 😂😂 how rude!! There's four children in total my love. Two of mine with the same father, one of mine with him and he has one with someone else. It's really not that shocking, and I'm sure most of the population has similar situations. Very judgemental, sorry we can't all have black and white lives like you Romany.

@Purpleartichoke

I'm pregnant with his child's sister. Soooo what was he expected to do? Live at his parents forever and be without both??

if I found out my ex was leaving our child somewhere else on his overnights, I would take him to court too

you probably wouldn't get very far, its up to him to decide what he does with her on his overnights, I can see any judge getting shitty about a child staying with their grandparents, at the same address that all contact used to take place at.

Do you never leave your child at home with a relative/babysitter whilst you have a night off? would your ex take you to court for that? Christ.

Op, all you can do is let her and be ready with answers to the questions they might ask. I think it would be unusual for a court to only allow contact at a grandparents house, which is not the address of the NRP. This only tends to happen in cases where someone else in the NRPs household cant have contact with the child AFAIK.

I would stay out of it personally and let him deal with his ex, and court etc and just be there if he needs you.

He didn’t have to move in with you. That is a choice he made that is clearly impractical with his parenting responsibilities

somehow I think living at his parents, and having 2 children visit separately would be quite a bit more impractical, don't you?

I think you need to remember that you only know one side to the story about their relationship and be mindful that it could just as easily be you in this situation one day.
If his situation has changed since the court order was put in place then the mum had every right to ask for it to be reviewed.

Most mums would prefer to have the child at home rather than the Dad palming off the child to his parents regularly. I think a lot of mums would look to getting the order changed to dinner with Dad then dropped home. His parents shouldn't have to be in charge overnight when mum is available.

If the relationship is not good why on earth did he not inform her of his change of address as soon as he had a moving in date? Informing his ex afterwards would obviously have anyone on their back foot. Did it take him a week because you were worried the dd would dob him in? It sounds like she has good reason to be annoyed at your partner (but not at his parents)

In all honesty, if my ex was having our DS whilst at the house of a woman I didn't know, I would be extremely concerned. That's no reflection of you BTW, just of the situation. You've only met his DD 3 -4 months ago, and now she's staying at your house. Your relationship with your partner is still very new, and after only a matter of months since you started dating, you will still be getting to know each other. There also hasn't been much time for all the DC to get to know each other, before they are now starting to share a room together during contact.

To reiterate, none of this is a criticism of you and your DDs, but looking at it from the other perspective, I would want my DC to spend a lot longer getting to know my ex's partner before staying at her house was even considered.

I don't think you can say "most of the population" have similar circumstances.

@pikapikachu what is the dd? People make a lot of assumptions on here don't they. It took him a week because he's used to her blowing her shit at anything and everything.

Most mums would prefer to have the child at home rather than the Dad palming off the child to his parents regularly. I think a lot of mums would look to getting the order changed to dinner with Dad then dropped home. His parents shouldn't have to be in charge overnight when mum is available

fortunately for children, mums are not in charge and cannot just request what they think is best from court and expect to have it improved. Courts want what is best for the child, and they promote children having a relationship with both parents. Parents can do what they like with their child in their own time.