Relationship expectations at 19

[mum21xo]

19, mother to a one year old. Never had a relationship other than the one I've been in now, was all good at the start, sex all the time maybe 3 times a day, everyday always doing stuff etc, had a baby, got a bit less (obviously) but now ds is older, it's easier to do things with each other when we went really, but our sex life is just gone. Not sure if I'm allowed to post this? But what the hell can I do to get some spark back in our relationship in general too? Is it always like this now once you have a child? (I love my child so I don't mind) but the relationship has gone really boring. We argue more. And more. And more. (Not in front of my child) and when we do do anything. It's over and done with before I know it 😖😅 I look after ds all day and night (yes he is lazy) but we've been together so long I'd rather make each other feel wanted again than give up, or is this going to go on until we decide enough is enough?

Does he work ?

Sorry to hear this but it sounds like you maybe became pregnant when you were still in the first throes of passion.

If you'd not had a child do you think you'd have split up? Ie do you think the relationship would have run it's course.... arguing is fairly normal now you've got a baby, there's so much more decisions to be made = stuff to fall out about.

Can you talk to someone in RL about this eg older sister, your mum?

He did. Doesn't now. Addicted to gaming

I became pregnant about a year in maybe a bit longer

sell whatever consoles he's gaming on, tell him the money you get for them is for your child as he isn't providing for his son by working

You either tell him that you and your child come before gaming, any time he has for gaming got taken away when he had a child, now that time needs to be used by parenting. talk to him about the issues and tell him you want to work on them together, if he doesn't take the chance and make effort to move forward then it's not going to improve.

I think your ages are irrelevant op. The facts are that there is a child to care for , you've stepped up and he hasn't.

This thread sounds no different to that of a 30+ woman speaking about their gaming partner.

Also , you'll see an awful lot of posts telling you to dispose of the tech that he's gaming on...I don't think that's the wisest thing to do and will just cause more arguments (to be had Infront of the baby).

If he isn't ready to grow up then unfortunately , you can't make him. You might have to go it alone if things don't change.

I think he'd have a bitch fit and definitely wouldn't do anything if I sold his console. You would think it's a life support machine And yes I read that thread I think maybe earlier or it might be completely different.

@GlossyTaco yeah I was just thinking and saying that. It'd definitely cause a argument which I definitely don't want

We live together in a 3 bedroom house so it's difficult to just throw that away. Even though I basically paid for everything deposit etc and do now. And I don't even work this is from savings of 7 years from little jobs and normal jobs and a inheritance.

Look after yourself op. I was a mum at your age and (20 years down the line) I wish that I'd gone back to my family for support and ended my relationship with the dad. He was also lazy and immature.

@GlossyTaco I feel like I wouldn't be able to walk away. He's on bc and says sometimes if we argue u leave all you like but ds is to stay with him and he will stop me leaving with him

He can't stop you leaving with him. He's lazy and work shy.

Maybe when he says that you should remind him that he would struggle like fuck if he had your child on his own because he doesn't even help out now! So how would he manage doing it all on his own, he'd have to cut down on the gaming that's for sure. He also wouldn't have a chance to be lazy with a child to care for.

As I said, talk to him honestly, tell him your problems and the issues you have with your relationship, tell him what you want to change. See if he takes this as a chance to keep his family together and work on things, or if he sees this as something he can sweep under the carpet

In that case , talk to women's aid , tell to your family. His threats are not okay.

We haven't ever set and spoke about Problems and I haven't really told him how he makes me feel even tho he can probably see how it does. I want to try and make it work and not give up for the sake of my child. But I know it is not healthy to stay in a "unhealthy" relationship to benefit a child. But I would be the same if he told me he's leaving with my child. I wouldn't allow it.

Thats anothed problem then isn't it. You don't sit down and communicate about problems. That's not healthy for a relationship

Yeah I suppose that's right Just feel
Lost