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Original poster

Have you all got a Will and appointed Guardians?

79 replies

unicorn · 11/09/2004 21:57

After our near death experience on the M6 (tyre blowout)it has woken us up to the fact that we have neither.
So, we know we must get a Will sorted pronto.. but as for guardians for the kids, we really can't think of anyone who would either be suitable, or would want to take on the responsibility.
Just wondering what everyone else has done?

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 12/09/2004 12:25

Oh God, artyjoe. I've no idea what would happen if me, DH, my Mum, ex-wife all snuffed it ! Horribly, I think that the DSs would end up with their maternal grandparents (paternal are no longer with us), who are the most abhorrent a*seholes on the face of the earth - DH would HATE that.

Goodness knows who would have DD, I'm in very distant contact with my brother and he has 5 kids already and lives in Germany, a complete no-no. I've honestly no idea what would happen to her. God I'm welling up just thinking about it . Thank goodness it's a damn unlikely scenario...

artyjoe · 12/09/2004 12:36

Hi Nomdeplume

It's ever such an unlikely scenario but best to have all avenues covered. We have had to do it because I wouldn't want any child of mine or DP's to have to live with my father so we have appointed my best friend as guardian for all the horrid scenarios where no family members are left other than my father.

It was hard to do and very sad but we can now get on with living our lives without worrying about what happens later.

Joe

carla · 12/09/2004 12:44

We visited a solicitor last year ... FFS .. we still haven't resolved it. I own the house we live in, plus another one that I let out. That's the effer and a year down the line we're still in the same position

pixiefish · 12/09/2004 13:36

Did you know... apparently if both of you died in an accident or at the same time and you had no wills- all goods etc plus responsibility for children etc would go to family of the eldest of you. As my h is 2 years older than me I DID NOT want his mother to look after dd if something happened to both of us.

mckenzie · 12/09/2004 13:45

we did ours about 6 months ago and asked my sister and her husband to take our DS and we've made provision for them in our will obviously. We also asked DS's godfather to be an executor and he was a candidate for being Ds's guardian. Thinking about it, from reading some of your posts, we were obviously very priviledged as we had 5 people who we thought would be good and suitable guardians and it was difficult to pick the right one.

roisin · 12/09/2004 14:07

Did you know, you don't have to necessarily appoint guardians who will take your children on. The guardians you appoint will be responsible for their wellbeing ... so you don't need to worry about appointing someone who may, for example, have 4 children of their own ten years on and no longer be in a position to take on yours as well. Agreeing to be guardian means they would at that point take the responsibility for finding the best placement for your children given the prevailing circumstances.

HTH

Original poster
unicorn · 12/09/2004 14:38

roisin, thanks for that, that may be the best way to plan ahead re guardians.. ie not thinking that guardian will necessarily look after my kids, but that he/she will help decide what should happen etc.

In which case my sister might not be so bad in that respect.

OP posts:
tallulah · 12/09/2004 15:46

pixiefish- no I didn't know that & my DH is 2 years older than me! NO Way do I want them to go to MIL!!

Interesting though that guardians are responsible rather than having to actually take on the children. Gives us a little more scope.

Only good thing is that as DD is 18 she's now an adult, & the DSs are old enough to have an opinion. Perhaps I should ask them? (Tho I mentioned it to DS3 this morning when I first read the thread & he was horrified at the thought of both of us going in an accident..)

ladymuck · 12/09/2004 16:44

Pixiefish - not sure that that is entirely correct! Also the position is complicated as to whether you are married or not. But as I understand it, if you die at the same time (or it cannot be worked out as to who died first), then it is assumed that the eldest person died first - so their estate is divided up first. But they don't automatically get all of the 2nd person's estate (though this depends on how you have purchased various assets etc).

Article in Good Housekeeping this month - one of Libby Purves or Jenni Murray (think it was the latter, but can't remember) has just got married to her partner of 20+ years just because the position in event of death was so financially discriminating. If you're not married and haven't got a will (or even worse if your dp hasn't got a will), then I hope that you are on VERY good terms with your dp's family!

acnebride · 12/09/2004 17:13

like your thinking ladymuck (from your original post!)

edam - just a thought but it's the hardest time in the world to make decisions immediately after a death?

we did wills when i was pregnant, which was especially important because we weren't married and hadn't been together long. Dh's brother and his girlfriend are named - they've been together ages and i really like both of them, plus she was a nanny and ran a nursery at one point, plus they have 2 dogs so they should be able to keep ds alive!

also important as ds has same religion as dh, different from me. his brother is complete atheist but they might be willing at least to keep him in touch with his own religion.

edam · 12/09/2004 17:38

Acnebride, did your will 'anticipate' your marriage? I'm pretty sure marriage revokes all prior wills and testaments unless you made a will shortly before getting married and specifically said that it was in anticipation of the wedding. Might be worth checking your position.

Tortington · 12/09/2004 22:30

we havent got a will - we dont own 'owt! i dont have any family young enough - so if we both pop our clogs it would have to be our in laws - its just an assumpion - am gonna ask!

nikkim · 12/09/2004 22:59

I don't have a will, all I hvae to leave is an overdraft and overdue water bill! Although I do have some lovely shoes and handbags, hence the overdraft and overdue bills.

I haven't appointed a guardian although I have throught about it although not quite sure who I would choose, choosing godparents caused arguments in my family!

Being divorced wouldn't ex dh get custody ( or whatever it is called) automatically?

triplets · 13/09/2004 09:32

Hi,
We both made our wills last week, now I am worried as one of you said not to use a will writing company which we did! They advertise often in our local papers so I phoned them and they sent me a very good info pack, there was no pressure from them to make an appointment. When we had decided on our wishes I phoned and they came out. He was very good, took about 90mins to do the draft and explained several things to us we hadn`t really thought enough about. I had also researched them on the internet to make sure they were who they said they were. We appointed my brother and sil as guardians, they had always agreed to that. We paid £50 for both wills as this month they were doing a half price offer, but we also paid £100 for storage, he said they are stored in the archive storage centre in Plymouth I think. For that he said that the executors will get free advice, as we do at anytime, plus that fee incs changing our will up to 5 times. Oh please don1t say we have been conned?

Hausfrau · 13/09/2004 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

triplets · 13/09/2004 15:08

Me again,
I meant to add that when we made our wills last week the solicitor said we might consider taking out guardianship insurance until the children were 18 in the event of anything happening to both of us. Has anyone done this or know about it?

Pidge · 13/09/2004 16:03

We really need to get round to doing this - went through all the motions, even filled out the forms at our solictors and asked lovely friends to be guardians for dd. Then we dithered and now we're thinking about getting married (for legal purposes), which would invalidate any will, so we need to make up our minds about that first! Plus I'm pregnant, and the friends are also planning to start a family which makes the whole guardianship issue a bit more complex. Reading this thread has made me resolve to sort this out before next baby arrives!

strawberry · 13/09/2004 17:02

We have done this recently. Worth remembering that a will can be changed at any time. So if you appoint grandparents now but then decide in a few years that they are too old you can change it. Although it is a very difficult decision it is important to make provisions for your kids. We have apponted DH's brother and wife, and although this is not perfect, we think it is the best available option. You definitley need to ask if they would be willing to take this on. One couple who are DS's Godparents said at the time that they were not prepared to be named as Guardians.

You also need to appoint separate people to help manage the financial side, perhaps someone slightly removed from the emotional aspects and good with money.

It cost us £150 to draw up joint wills and this seems to be the going-rate. HTH

artyjoe · 13/09/2004 17:48

Ours cost £270 but that was because we chose to pay £60 each for power of attourney as we are not married in case, god forbid, either one of us ends up in hospital...so it also covers us for surviving an accident as well as death.

We haven't paid for storage yet but probably will, not sure yet.

Joe

LipstickMum · 13/09/2004 18:43

Partner and I both have a will and asked my sister to be dd's appointed guardian.

Cadbury · 13/09/2004 19:07

Dh and I finally got round to doing them, spurred on by the untimely death of a dear friend (dh's age) and how his wife and unborn child weren't provided for. OUrs cost £130ish for the 2 and are stored for free in the solicitors vaults. We appointed my parents as guardians if the kids are under 18 when we die. If my folks go before us and before the kids are 18, I don't know ehat we'd do!

Slink · 13/09/2004 19:12

we have yet to decide touchy subject in our house, but heard that if you don't appoint gurdians then dd will go in to care

handlemecarefully · 13/09/2004 22:32

We've just done wills because dh and I are off to Rome for a few days solo (going this weekend) so I was suffering paranoid delusions that we might both die in a plane crash and leave our 2 littlies as orphans. My sister is guardian - downside is she lives in Australia, but she really is the best person, and would love them unreservedly.

Everything is left to our children but held in Trust as follows:

20% of our 'estate' going to them when they are 18

a further 30% of our estate going to them when they are 25

and the balance they can access when they are 30

Hulababy · 14/09/2004 18:49

Slinky - you DD doesn't not necessarily go into care. Your family will get a say. And if they can't decide/agree then the courts and SS will step in to help them. Taking your DD into care would be the last resort.

ladymuck · 16/09/2004 13:56

Triplets,

GBP50 for the wills sounds good, provided they have been drawn up properly - my experience of will-writing firms is that they are not. Does it cover the eventutality of more children for example.

As for paying for storage....I'll put in my safe for GBP90!

Is it a lifetime storage fee? What guarentees are there about the firm going under etc...