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Original poster

Have you all got a Will and appointed Guardians?

79 replies

unicorn · 11/09/2004 21:57

After our near death experience on the M6 (tyre blowout)it has woken us up to the fact that we have neither.
So, we know we must get a Will sorted pronto.. but as for guardians for the kids, we really can't think of anyone who would either be suitable, or would want to take on the responsibility.
Just wondering what everyone else has done?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 11/09/2004 23:00

With tax planning, DH charges around £300 (plus VAT). But often it depends where you are int he country for costs.

ladymuck · 11/09/2004 23:04

Yep we-re London/Surrey borders, so seem to pay more for everything! But actually that price is fairly midrange round here. First solicitor was going to charge £575 for same scheme....

hercules · 11/09/2004 23:04

Are the ones you can buy from WHsmiths okay?

Hulababy · 11/09/2004 23:06

Not really herculkes in DH's opinion. He makes more money from dealing with and sorting out homemade wills, than preparing and executing professional wills made out by properly qualified solicitors. May save you money now, but it could well cost your estate and benefactors a lot more later

hercules · 11/09/2004 23:07

What if it's fairly straightforward ie all left to each other and if both die kids to go to sister? Life insurance and pensions are already done with the companies.

Hulababy · 11/09/2004 23:12

It is things like wording that can cause problems hercules. Legal wills, for example, use key phrases and terms and very linited (if any) punctuation that can only be taken one way and one way only. Whereas home-made wills can often be written in such a way that they become unclear.

Dh certainly doesn't recommend them at all - as I said before they can cause more prolems than they solve.

If it was very simple, and your family circumstances were very simple then I suppose chances are it would be okay. But then you haave to consider various situation to ensure it'd still stand up.

What happens if you went first?
What happens if DH/P went first?
What happens if you both go together?
Heaven frbid, but what happens if one child passes away during will lifetime or at same time as yourselves?

All horrible things to consider I know but they have to be taken into account and the will needs to do that too.

jampot · 11/09/2004 23:14

I personally second using only solicitors for legal things - conveyancing included

Hulababy · 11/09/2004 23:15

I have to say it does make sense. Solicitors and barristers have trained a long time to do this stuff.

hercules · 11/09/2004 23:16

Thanks Hulababy- the whsmith ones do take into account what you said eg ir one child dies before 18 etc. It is already worded iyswim.
However I didnt realise drawing an individual one up was so cheap so might do that anyway.

Thanks again.

Original poster
unicorn · 11/09/2004 23:32

re appointing guardians, has everyone asked their appointees in advance? ( sorry to be so morbid, but what happens if no one is appointed, and God forbid no one wants to take on the responsibility?)

Also- do you legally have to ask for their permission in advance, or can you just appoint them?

OP posts:
hercules · 11/09/2004 23:33

I think it would be daft not to check with them first! If there is no one then it's ss.

woodstock · 12/09/2004 01:14

I guess I am really paranoid but we asked my nephew (who is 28) even before dh was born! . We changed our wills to include guardianship, trusts, the whole bit when he was a couple of months old.

tex111 · 12/09/2004 05:37

We both have wills and have named a guardian (my sister) plus an alternate (my best friend) and set up trustees, etc. Choosing a guardian was really difficult. My sister would give DS a different life to the one we're providing for him (she's lesbian and quite bohemian compared to us) but I know that she would love him more than anything else in the world and give him the kind of support and encouragement in life that I would wish for him. Our problem is that sis lives in the US and my English inlaws have made it very clear that they would fight for custody which would be awful (FIL has a history of physical abuse, completely different approach to child raising, etc, etc) so we've had to add a clause to our wills saying that we do not want for that to ever happen.

It's really hard making these decisions but it's so important to make your wishes clear.

edam · 12/09/2004 07:50

No, but I know we MUST get round to it. Only I know my mother and sister expect me to name my sister... and I don't want to. She's not a bad person or anything, I love her very much, but I didn't like her ex-boyfriend and current one hasn't been around long enough for me to be sure (he seems fine, but who knows?). But the thought of causing so much upset, at a time when people would be in shock and grief is hard to face. We've been through several very distressing bereavements ourselves and I don't want to cause any extra stress... but I guess we are going to have to do it. Only problem then is choosing between two sets of best friends, both of whom would be really great adoptive parents and give ds the life we want for him. One set have three kids of their own including one just a few months younger than ds; other set live in the same town as us and have two kids, one same age as ds. Guess we are lucky to have two couples to choose from but just can't make our minds up...

Twiglett · 12/09/2004 07:53

message withdrawn

pixiefish · 12/09/2004 08:09

as i want my parents to look after dd if anything happens to me i made a will a few weeks after she was born- asked my parents first and went to see a solicitor- very simple really.

Hulababy · 12/09/2004 08:21

If you don't make guardianship then in the extreme cases SS and the Courts can decide. But generally the families would sort it out themselves. The problem copmes if you have parents/famlies who do not get along at all I guess.

mieow · 12/09/2004 08:33

Dunno if anyone can help with this, but me and DH discussed this and decided that as two of our kids are disabled, it would be unfair to put upon the parents as MIL is disabled and my dad is disabled, so we came up with DH's Sister and BIL, they agreed to do this if the worse happened, but I was chatting to my mum and she said that she wouldn't let her grandkids go anywhere, she would want to have them, and TBH I would like that too, but DH is refusing to change his mind. My parents are great and do a lot for us, babysitting when needed, helping with the house, and picking up the kids from school when we can't for different reasons. My mum will take DS to school if required, and even looked after all three while we went away for 3 nights. I know SIL would be great and loves the kids to bit, but I would prefer my parents to take them. As it is, MIL won't have them now, even for a short time, when we ask, she just says "can't M's mum do it? (my parents!), so wouldn't ask her to take them on anyway.
HELP

Hulababy · 12/09/2004 08:36

You really do need to thrash this out between you and your DH, as that is the best way to deal with the issue. In the event of your deaths if the family couldn't agree between themselves, knowing your wishes, then SS and the Courts can take over and make the decision instead.

NomDePlume · 12/09/2004 09:11

This is such an awful thought but I agree that it must be done, although DH and I are yet to do it.

It's made a little more difficult by the fact that DH has 2 sons from his first marriage who we have 50% of the time. Obviously if something awful did happen to DH and I then the boys would live with their mother, I would like to think that our 2yr old DD would live with my Mum and stepdad. This is great in theory until you remember that my folks live 100 miles away in Wales, and the DS's mother is not very 'accommodating'. So it would mean splitting the kids up and the possibility that DD would lose her relationship with her brothers and vice-versa, which is just too awful to contemplate. I know that my Mum would drive DD to see her brothers and take all 3 of them out for the day etc, she'd also gladly have them to stay at her house for weekends etc, but I just don't know how receptive their BM would be to that. I can see her refusing to see why the kids need to keep a close relationship. It's a tough one.

NomDePlume · 12/09/2004 09:14

Forgot to say that DH has a Will, but I don't.

blossom2 · 12/09/2004 10:25

we have just organised our wills. it was quite a straightforward process and done through DH's bank - barclays.

We decided to leave everything to each other & DD. and DD goes to my sister-in-law.

It was tough having to decide who would best take care of DD...

tallulah · 12/09/2004 12:02

This is something we have always meant to do & not got around to.

My mum always said she'd take them, even after she lost my dad. But with the best will in the world, she's 65 & really starting to seem old, plus she's ended up with full responsibility for her 92 year old mother... She couldn't leave grandma & she lives 200 miles away so that would mean the boys leaving their (good) school & their friends to move across country..

Taking head-in-sand approach ATM, hoping the question won't arise

blossomhill · 12/09/2004 12:05

Ni, I haven't but def. should. Although do have good life and health cover.

artyjoe · 12/09/2004 12:18

We did our wills three days ago. I haven't had the baby yet but DP also has a DD so it was quite complicated as we had to go through every eventuality right down to if me and DP and my mum and Ex wife and sister all died, who would have SD and DD/DS...it was very complicated but feel much better for having done it, especailly as we are not married...I also felt very good about having a proper 'exclusion' so that people who aren't in the will can't contest it by saying they were 'forgotten'.