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Upset by friend

16 replies

jampot · 10/09/2004 18:25

I have been good friends with X since secondary school. We swap birthday pressies, xmas pressies for ourselves and our children ever since. Generally speaking I have always done the phoning (she lives in USA) even though her calls are cheaper and her dh is on a fortune. She tends to ring me at school times or really late into the night when its obviously earlier there so I invariably end up returning call when I get in/next day. My dh goes mad at me because we can't afford for me to have an hour long conversation to friend in USA but she has never understood why he's like that. Anyway I sent over bday presents for her and 2 of her children who have bdays in the early part of the year (admittedly wouldn't have got to the kids in time but it is all part of my charm). I had an email from her a couple of weeks ago which said she was sending my bday present back here with her mum who was visiting. Now I don;t have a problem with any presents being late etc and fully appreciate a hand delivered parcel is less likely to go missing. Anyway no parcel has yet turned up - still not a problem. Just had an email from her literally saying "just to let you know im not doing xmas presents this year" sent to me and another friend whom she has bitched about to me for not making an effort. I have since about March not called her because I am fed up of doing all the calling and being there for her and it not being reciprocated and then getting in the shit from my dh for running up large bills. I do know that she is happy to run email friendships with other friends but seems to think I should be at her beck and call on the end of a phone. I really feel choked by this email as I feel she no longer wants to know me as I have not called (she has not either but she is particularly moody and stubborn). Part of me still wants to send her children presents as I don't give to receive but not sure if she is snubbing me....I do feel sad

OP posts:
Flossam · 10/09/2004 18:42

Could you not email her and explain all of the above to her? If she is snubbing you, perhaps she would better understand things from your point of view? If she is going to be moody and stubborn then you don't have much to loose IMO. Sorry she has upset you.

fuzzywuzzy · 10/09/2004 18:47

You could send your gifts and email back saying you've done so in a bright and breezy way, that's if you still want to.

JanH · 10/09/2004 18:49

jampot, if you do really want to keep in touch even though it's you making all the running, sign up with 18866 - 1p a min to US. At least your DH can't grumble about the cost then. (All UK calls now free and calls to mobiles v cheap too, highly recommended.)

Does she email you at all or not? If you email her does she reply? Maybe she does prefer to actually talk to you rather than write (though agree she is being mean about the timing of the calls). Maybe it just doesn't occur to her that you can't afford the calls, but she can?

It sounds as if you would like to give her at least one more chance though so give 18866 a go and see if you can salvage your friendship!

coppertop · 10/09/2004 18:51

Is it possible that she's having money problems? It might explain the lack of calls as well as the lack of presents. Or is she just being a general pain in the @rse?

coddychops · 10/09/2004 19:15

tbh jampot ( as i was going to say before pc crashed) i cant see whether its worthwhile maintaining this friednship
sh e lives so far away it seems more hassle than its worth
may be its just time to call time?

Tinker · 10/09/2004 19:32

Maybe she thinks it's easier to say no xmas presenst to everyone because hse is pissed off with other firend who doesn't make the effort but can't be arsed explaining that to her. Does that make sense, am typing in teh dark

JanH · 10/09/2004 19:59

why are you typing in the dark, Tinker?

Tinker · 10/09/2004 20:00

sleepin gscik chold next to me

JanH · 10/09/2004 20:03

oh, poor dd, hope it's nothing serious and she'll be better soon

Tinker · 10/09/2004 20:04

hs slept all day

Flossam · 10/09/2004 20:05

JanH, well done you for figuring that out! I don't know that I'd of got it if it wasn't for your post

JanH · 10/09/2004 20:06

well I have read a lot of coddy's so have got used to figuring out gibberish posts, flossam!

Tinker, glad she has the weekend to get better in (and for you to look after her with a clear conscience - must be hard when you're at work!)

SenoraPostrophe · 10/09/2004 20:18

Back to the thread...

I think you should give Janh's super cheap phone thingy a go. There are lots of reasons why she could be being abit off-ish at the moment - give her the benefit of the doubt on this occasion at least.

Batters · 11/09/2004 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 11/09/2004 16:02

i have people i know like this. they arnt friends just people you know for a long time an share memories with. friends dont treat each other like this.

jampot · 12/09/2004 00:13

thanks for your advice ladies - i have emailed her just to say that her decision is fine with me but I will still be sending over to her at xmas if this is okay. haven;t heard any more but presume if its not she'll let me know - i don't feel able to get into a verbal discussion with her but will look into your cheap calls janh

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