Toddler on a lead, would you treat your child as a dog?

[Chandra]

I perfectly understand that babies' harness are great specially in crowded areas where the potential of getting a little one lost are high, but today I saw something at Boots who leave me fuming.

There was this woman with an 18m old with reins, everytime the child pulled she pulled back very hard, once she pulled him so hard that the poor child's head hit the wooden wall at the side of the till, toddler cried and mother rised him up by the reins (ouch!) and throw him in to the push chair, child went down and she continued pulling him so hard and telling him off in not the nicest manner that I was about to say something, but I thought it wil make the problem worse and she would take it onto her child.

Is this normal? I don't mean pulling but pulling so hard so often that the child can barely keep the balance, and isn't it painful to raise a boy by the harness? I think even my dog would complain if I do something like that...

it doesn't matter what the child had been doing to wind her up, it wasn't acceptable behaviour.

I'm not saying it was acceptable, but it's very easy to judge when you don't know all the facts. Didn't want to start a scrap or anything...

What is there to judge though? A toddler shouldnt be treated that way no matter what.

Slinky - I got a little lump in my throat at the toddler being told to shut up for singing. My ds sings all the time, especially when he is tired or stressed and we always congrtulate him on his "pretty singing".

I do use reins so that my ds can walk in town and we don't need to take a pushchair. The boy can walk for miles at 18 months, but it's better for both of us if he can use his arms for balance and pace than have one suspended in the air with the blood running out of it with me holding his wrist. I don't ever feel like I am walking a dog I still point when I want him to turn a corner and crouch down at the side of the road when we are waiting to cross. I do pick him up using the reigns when he falls over though, it's an instinctive thing, and surely he would cry out if it hurt.

i never used reins i didn't see the point. either the kid can walk well enough without being tired around town or it cant. why mess about with reins and a buggy and shopping? dont tell me its rhetorical! easy life for me all the way buggy until you can walk unaided and are of an age where you will follow instruction.

that being said i haave to agree with scamp. we do not know anything more than this snapshot.

supposing this mum came on mumsnet posting" i had a crappy day today, i was in boots and my kid was playing me up. i havent slept for 3 days . he is hyperactive and i get no help. anyway when we werein town today he was on reins he was pulling away from me and i pulled him back and when i did he hit his head. all these people were looking at me as though i was dirt. they dont know what i have had to put up with for the past year. i bundled him quickly into the buggy as he was crying - i just wanted to get out of there and go home. i feel like such a failure"

ive seen threads along these lines where fellow mumsnetters rally round and say "am sorry you had a bad day etc hope it gets better tomorrow" and all kinds of good advice where other mnetters cite examples of when dreadful situations happened to them.

we just dont know and we mnetters ( all ghandis on the political compass )are ever so quick to judge. i have said this many times

Have to agree about the not knowing everything. DS2 (age 2) doesn't go on reins. I go for the easy- in the buggy - if i need him contained, or he walks holding my hand.

However I do have a harness for ds1 (age 5- size appropriate- it's a belt with a strap- kindof as thick as a seatbelt). Because he runs off, has no road sense and is now very strong it is a necessity when I have to walk along a road with him and ds2 (eg to the car). Or when we go into a shop- very rarely I have to say. I resisted using one for ages- and it was only when we had a very close shave with a main road that his SALT gave me a bit of a talking to and said sod what it looks like he needed them or chances are he would end up dead.

It often looks dreadful- as I tend to use then when I am holding bags, ds2's hand and him. He does sometimes pull to get away. HOwever a big plus with them is that he is learning not to run away. He rarely runs away with me now- although he still does with others and I think that's because of the reins.

Sorry if it looks bad- but in my case you would only be seeing a snapshot- and its less child abuse then knowing that he was dangerous near roads and not doing anything about it.

I don't normally post but I have just bought today one of those wrist straps for ds who is 2 in a couple of weeks. He loves to walk but won't hold hands for long and we have a battle of "hold my hands or I'll carry you/put you in the buggy". He then gets carried and screams. This just repeats itself every outing now. I never had to use reins or a wrist strap with my dd. I was worried people may think I was treating him like a dog but it is purely for his safety and as we are going on holiday to Spain in a few weeks I thought it would be good to have for the airport.