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Original poster

Don't know what title to put tbh

16 replies

alcoholandchoc · 30/03/2019 20:18

So it's Mother's Day tomorrow and my darling Fiancé has just walked out on me.
He parents my daughter (we run our own businesses and I work 60 hours a week), he’s not her dad but stepped up to the mark 5 years ago and he does everything for her during the week, I hardly see her. But I always ensure I’m home to tuck her into bed and give her a cuddle.

He’s shouted at me today for being her friend instead of her mum, and told me she’s a spoilt madam, I never tell her off and I need to grow up, and he’s done with raising her, to which I said we came together, and if he’s done with a 7 year old, then he’s done with me too. His response as he walked out of the door was “I’m walking away from you, just like everyone else has” (my mum walked away from me years ago, she’s an alcoholic that decided she didn’t wanna be a parent).

I’m heartbroken. I adore him and we’re marrying 4 months tomorrow. But he’s called me a terrible mum today and implied I was too young to have a kid (I was 19). I’m not sure I can forgive the things he’s said, he was so angry with me over next to nothing!

I raise her as best as I can. I came from nothing and now run successful companies all off my own back, everything I do is for my girl, I’m just so anxious and sad tonight. Tomorrow is a special day and he’s just left us 😢

OP posts:
ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 30/03/2019 20:20

Does he have a point or is it best he stays gone do you think?

SoyDora · 30/03/2019 20:21

Sounds like he’s very very stressed. Does he work for the business as well as looking after your daughter full time?
Being a SAHP can be intense, especially as you say you barely see your daughter.

elephantoverthehill · 30/03/2019 20:22

If the relationship is as strong as you describe he will let off steam and be back. Flowers

IncrediblySadToo · 30/03/2019 20:22

Has he talked to you about the situation before now?

EggysMom · 30/03/2019 20:23

Maybe he's resentful that you give so much time to the business and not to your child, relying on him to do the majority parenting (in his eyes)? It sounds as though you need to have the discussion about who should be doing what,.

Original poster
alcoholandchoc · 30/03/2019 20:26

I've offered to do less hours and let him do as many as he chooses but he insists I work and he can handle the days at home but I'm starting to think he's lying and not wanting to sound rude to me and tell me he needs a break? But it seems like he doesn't want to work more hours either?

OP posts:
Original poster
alcoholandchoc · 30/03/2019 20:26

He hasn't spoken to me about it before no

OP posts:
Original poster
alcoholandchoc · 30/03/2019 20:27

I only work as he'd prefer to do less of it if that makes sense but then he's just gone nuts over it all x

OP posts:
sayithowitisx · 30/03/2019 20:53

This reply has been deleted

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sighrollseyes · 30/03/2019 20:56

Work a bit less, not for him, not for you, but for your DD. You'll regret missing out on time with her - life is short.

yumimumixox · 30/03/2019 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DpWm · 30/03/2019 21:00

Yea must say it's a bit harsh on your DD to work so much and leave someone who isn't her bio dad to basically raise her.
Kids don't care that you make money "for them" that means nothing really.
They need you there.

Sorry but maybe you need to address your work/life balance?

NoTNoShade · 30/03/2019 21:05

To me, it sounds like he’s got far too much control over you. He’s decided it’s best for him that you work 60 hours a week while he parents your child. Then uses that as a weapon against you.

What he said to you was utterly deplorable and I am not sure I could get past it either. I definitely wouldn’t be marrying him in four months.

For what it’s worth, your mother didn’t walk away from you. She’s an alcoholic. It’s not about you or anything you’ve done.

Original poster
alcoholandchoc · 30/03/2019 21:09

I've offered to do less hours and he just work if he prefers and it's like he doesn't want either of them he doesn't give me a straight answer I'm sort of confused but I can't exactly ask as he's left. I don't no where either as he isn't with his mum. She text asking what we're up to tonight and I couldn't reply. Also I didn't think I was a shit girlfriend? Why would he be bored of me, all men do this? I didn't think that?

OP posts:
OKBobble · 30/03/2019 21:09

It can be a problem when mums who work overcompensate by trying to be a friend rather than the mum, similar to disney dads. Maybe he has a point if he is doing all the childcare and you swan in to tuck her in, probably don't discipline her and allow her to do things that he doesn't as her main carer. If this happens you can see why he thinks she is being spoilt especially if she perhaps plays you off against each other.

Maybe he has gone for good but maybe he will be back. If so then time to reassess how things will work going forward.

YouBumder · 30/03/2019 21:22

Ignore the troll, it’s been banned now anyway

Hope you can work it out x

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