Can I escape the rat race?

[RatRaceEscapee]

I'm a regular poster but have changed my name for this. Please can anyone help?

I'm a single mum of 2 and I work full time on a salary of £25K. I also get about £500 a year in child tax credits and child benefit and I rent out a room in my house to a friend which covers my rent. My ex husband does not pay any child support, so this is my entire income.

I should be able to manage quite nicely on this income, but I don't because I am in so much debt (haven't dared to tot it all up, but it's about £20K in the form of a personal loan and credit cards).

At the moment I'm off work because I am depressed and I don't think I can face going back. It's a very demanding job mentally, and because of the depression I am unable to concentrate properly on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. I've been to my GP and have been prescribed ADs, but they haven't kicked in yet, so I know I will start to feel better soon. But I want to get away from this job DESPERATELY, or at least go part time, but because of my debts I really can't afford to.

I think I need to seek out debt counselling to help me work out a strategy for getting on top of my financial situation.

I want to get myself into a situation where I can change my job (which will mean a drop in pay) AND get on top of my debts. The thought of having to carry on with this job makes me feel like throwing myself off a tall building (although I would never actually do that) or doing a Reggie Perrin.

Sorry if this sounds confused, I am confused and could do with some help to sort out my muddled head. The worry of it all is making me feel lower and lower by the day.

Any advice or stories of how others managed to get themselves out of a similar situation would be most gratefully received!

well first of all RRE why does your exh not pay child support? and this is where I would begin. £20k does seem quite a bit to owe on your salary but basically will keep you working for quite a while by the sound of it. Is it worth taking a consolidation loan out to pay off existing debt and then cut your credit cards up. Can you save money by cutting down on fuel/groceries/clothes etc

Sort out your debts first before you take any other big decisions (not the time to take decisions when you are depressed). Try and take as much time off work as you can - get the doctor to sign you off. Give yourself time to get better.

Try the CAB - they have debt counsellors who can help a lot.

Hi RRE
I downshifted a couple of years ago, and it is possible but you have to plan very carefully. The first thing to look at is your assets as well as your debts. Can you afford to buy a place? Sometimes, a mortgage is much cheaper than rent and it is worth investigating. Would you consider moving to a cheaper area? Can you get a loan or credit card with a cheaper interest rate (or a 0% interest rate for a year) and do a budget to pay off the debts quicker?

I had a flat in London and I moved to a house in Kent. It has some disadvantages - I'm further away from my family support network - but overall, it was the only way I could function as a mother and a worker (getting a lower mortgage enabled me to work part time).

Get on to the CSA - every penny counts and your xp should be supporting his children.

Also, it sounds as if you need to re-think your job. Sometimes, a change of job is the answer to the getting out of the rat-race dilemma. I felt the way you did about five years ago, but had to upshift before I could downshift.

Custardo poted a brilliant post recently about dealing with huge debts - can anyone remember where?

jampot, yes, I know I need to address the child support issue. He doesn't pay child support because he doesn't think he should have to and I've let him get away with that for 5 years now. I feel really, really angry about it but have always been too scared of him to do anything about it. I've been meaning to get the CSA forms for the past week or so and keep putting it off. Not sure what I'm afraid of.

meanbean, your story is just the sort of thing I want to hear, thank you for posting. I rent my house and the rent is really cheap (and covered by letting out a room), so that is a blessing - no room to downshift on housing. I'm really lucky on that front. The loan I have is a consolidation loan I took out about 18 months ago. It has worked well in that I paid off some debts with it that were costing me a lot, but since then I've run up a load more debt on top of the loan. Partly because I had some time off work earlier this year owing to illness and I didn't qualify for SSP, so I had to live off my credit cards. I am hopeless with money, I will visit the CAB to see if I can arrange some debt counselling.

The silly thing is I know what I should do, but I don't do it. I've reached the point where I'm thinking about bankruptcy. The pressure of knowing those debts are hanging over me is getting too much to bear. I realise it probably won't be necessary for me to go bankrupt - with help I can probably negotiate a repayment plan with my creditors. I'm scared of addressing it. Writing it down here is helping.

check this previous thread for ideas and an inspiring story of getting on top of your debts

prufrock,thanks for that link

I highly recommend paying a visit to this place. Click on services at the top of the page. They have helped greatly with a few people I know (assuming you are in London )

Good luck