Doing what you want to do vs what you feel you ought to do - where is the balance?

[TheBlonde]

How much time to you spend doing what you want to do vs what you feel you ought to do?

I am finding too much is in the "ought to" category

How do you strike the balance?

Most mums probably feel like this.

bump

Its bloody hard. I don't think you ever can strike a real balance when you're a parent. I try very hard to do what I want to do now and then and sod what anyone else thinks, as I suffered from quite bad PND a while ago and I know from experience that if the balance tips too much in the other direction I start to feel very low.

thanks

I don't even know what I want to do any more I've been doing ought to do so much

Make a list of all the "ought to" things. Go through them one by one and ask yourself "what will happen if I don't do this" and prioritise them according to the impact of not doing them. Then make a list of "want to"s and prioritise them (how important they are to you, which will give you the biggest "feel good" factor afterwards.) Then see if you can get rid of some of the ought tos in favour of the want tos. I've done that with a couple of things, but reading your post reminds me I really ought to do it again!!

Nearly all ought here.
I have no balance!

im with groggymama - i dont even know what i want anymore!
(except to be able to type a coherent post without the use of exclamation marks )

What sort of things do you want to do?

I guess there are all sorts of things I'd like to do but I'm constrained by lack of flexible childcare and the huge list of things to do - most of which are ought

I rarely get any free time, but when I do I try to do things that I want to do. I don't succeed doing this as much as I'd like.
It's difficult for women to put their needs first sometimes, but it's important.
ATM I'm treating myself to nice perfume and clothes and it's my way of giving myself something.

actually i am v lucky in that i get a disporportionate amount of free time given ther number and ages of my dc and i get to do all sorts of stuff i want, and have always wanted to do...

What I find is that my whole life revolves around dcs so that even when I get a chance to go shopping on my own for example I end up spending all my time getting presents for dcs. Think it might be better to plan me-time each week as part of a routine. So Saturday morning gym or whatever.

too much in the ought list is seriously counterproductive as it leaves you feeling unhappy and worse resentful (despite yourself really).

very very important to really look after yourself as a mother (or any other human being) as only then can you look after others with joy...which is the way to do it isn't it?

think the list idea is a good one.

also think that 'I ought to feed my children supper otherwise they will starve' is one thing, but 'I ought to make sure they look immaculate at all times otherwise people will think badly of me' is quite another iyswim.

actually hurricane, i do that too. i really do not make the most of the opportunities for freedom that i have... i have not, for eg, had a night out in so long i no longer know what to order at a bar any more. i MUST be more organised about arranging 'real' time off.

good point sophable. v good point.