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Original poster

Lending money to family members

16 replies

dejags · 07/08/2002 12:16

I hope you can help me with my dillemma.

My younger brother (24) has asked me to lend him some money (£300) and in short I can't afford to lend it to him. However circumstances are really difficult for him at the moment as he has just broken up with his long term partner and is in a real financial pickle. (He recently bought a car he could ill-afford and had to pay £2000 for insurance for the year because he is under 25 and the car is a fuel injected blah-blah-blah).

On the one hand I would really like to help him out but would have to rob my overdraft or credit on my credit card to loan him money which I will probably never get back. On the other hand I am a bit irritated that he has let himself get into this situation whilst still footing the ex-girlfriends bills and those of her mother.

What would you do in this situation?

Thanks
Dejags

OP posts:
nics1stbaby · 07/08/2002 12:27

If you had the money, then that would be a little different (maybe!), but I would not suggest getting into debt to bail your younger brother out... he has to learn to stand on his own two feet, and that entails dealing with ex-girlfriends and her mother..?!

Bozza · 07/08/2002 12:33

I understand your dilemma Dejags, but looking at it simply. Either he gets into debt or you get into debt - so why should it be you. Also you've got your DS to consider so have to be a bit more selfish these days. Hard I know.

mears · 07/08/2002 12:52

Sorry - he has put himself in that situation buying that car. You can't afford to give him the money so he has a perfectly good option - sell the car !

bossykate · 07/08/2002 12:54

dejags

it doesn't sound like you can afford to lend him the money, if even you were totally sure you wanted to do it. don't feel guilty - you have your own dh/p and children to think of.

perhaps he could sell the car?

Tissy · 07/08/2002 13:29

Just what I was thinking, bossykate. Dejags, I doubt your brother got himself into this financial state overnight, so I expect he knew that things were rocky when he bought a car requiring such a ridiculous insurance premium. It is not your responsibility to bale him out. Say no and stick to your guns. Tell him he'll have to sell his car, I'm sure that's what his bank manager would say!

Tissy · 07/08/2002 13:31

Sorry, mears didn't see your post

Tetley · 07/08/2002 13:40

I agree with everything said so far. It may seem harsh to you when it's your brother, but he'll never learn financial control if he thinks he can rely on you to bail him out. Why should you struggle for money when he's spent it? He didn't need to get a flash car and pay so much for insurance. Another vote for him to sell the car!

jodee · 07/08/2002 13:53

Dejags, sounds just like my brother used to be, spending money on a whim then needing someone to bail him out. He has since learned the hard way.

I've just heard that DH's younger brother has received an eviction notice from the council as he is 2 months behind with rent, so he asked his mother (who has hardly two pennies to rub together herself) to help out - she took out a loan for him! We are all really annoyed at him for putting his Mother in such a difficult position. PLUS he recently spent £6k on a THIRD motorbike.

I agree with the others that the car has to go, and there's no way you should put yourself into debt to help him.

SueDonim · 07/08/2002 18:14

And another vote here that the car goes. Don't get into financial trouble on your DB's account, Dejags. You've your own family to think of. Maybe a stern talk to him about responsibilities is required?

Rhiannon · 07/08/2002 18:44

If he can afford £2000 car insurance then he can't be that badly off. I suggest he downgrades his car and therfore his insurance and he can get his £300 that way.

My BIL borrowed money from us (few thousand can't remember exactly) after DH had sold a car. He repaid it quickly then asked to borrow £6000 for double glazing which we let him borrow as there was no problem with the other money. It turned out he spent the money on a BMW and not double glazing. We needed that money for the deposit on our new house and couldn't believe he could be such a complete bas**rd. He then gave us our money back after he sold the car to a friend, some weeks and after a lot of phone calls later.

Don't let money £300 may be the tip of the iceberg. R

Rhiannon · 07/08/2002 18:45

Sorry, that was meant to say don't lend money not don't let. R

threeangels · 07/08/2002 21:48

Maybe he should get a side job to get the money. If you cant possibly afford it then you should not feel guilty. Why does or did he have to worry about the ex-girlfriends mothers bills?

WideWebWitch · 07/08/2002 21:49

Agree with everyone. Just say NO, you haven't got it (which is true).

bloss · 08/08/2002 01:55

Message withdrawn

Original poster
dejags · 08/08/2002 10:23

Thanks for your advice, I did end up saying no and explaining as nicely as I could why, but didn't have the bottle to suggest that he sells his car. I can only assume that if things are bad enough that will be the only avenue open to him.

Doesn't make me feel any less bad though

Dejags

OP posts:
SueDonim · 08/08/2002 16:53

Well done, Dejags. If you find it hard to suggest he sells the car you could always let him read this thread!!

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