Draft mode
Yikes, today is a very special day today 3rd Feb marks the death of my mother and her Birthday is 4th Feb 2019. She passed on two decades ago... Like any one who has lost someone close or distant to them Their loss to us is still vivid, raw and extremely painful ongoing .
The brain has a clever of reminding us "about the death, loss of someone" whether we like it or not - it takes us there replaying our vivid thoughts of accounts pre-post events in the various circumstances of anyone's account of the "loss of life " - end of life.
like a video tape.
As l am typing this post , my brain is running riot with vivid thoughts of the events on that day 3rd Feb - 4th Feb and there after.. Strange feeling's come over me - in floods of tears - cant help it …. but l thought l share with anyone online here - who may be going through the same process as me..
Before, l launch into this post in details , please bear in mind , these are my personal account of my experience - so l do not want ant comments attacking me, me trolling or negative abuse of any kind - one fact is
for " Death eventually touches all our lives, for some sooner than later" and the more vivid experiences are shared on platforms like this - giving insight of personal accounts the better for everyone of us to gain some understanding of this subject matter - about death and for man - kind in general.
Today is when my ma passed away - her last day on the planet..
l woke up at 330am early in the morning as l had the feeling -
got to the hospital about 6am to sit by her bed side , back into
work and between 1pm - 1.30pm at lunch time - her ghost
tapped me on the shoulder "my mother appeared in spirit " telling me
she had left us - and l remember typing away on the computer
in an open plan office - l suddenly jumped out of my executive
chair at work like a crazy woman " yelling out loud my mum's just die
..omg..- she's gone - get me a taxi an one - l need to go to the hospital now" -
all around me - mycolleagues with jaws wide open just looked at me in utter shock - like what is going on ?
l never share accounts of my mum's dying health with my boss or any other colleagues - l felt this is a personal matter, It is not their business, l am a true pro - so l got to go through my diary nightmare of watching my mother die a very slowly and painful death all on my own with my siblings in privacy without any other external work pressures.
l would wake up early in the morning daily , go to the hospital, into work, after work - go and see her in the evenings, then back home for a few hours sleep and l repeated this process over 2-3 months, l sense the time was ticking for my mother - last few weeks - days - l needed to see as much of her alive before her pending induce coma in the last few days of her death - exhausted as l was mentally, physically - god gave me the extra strength to deal with this and still hold down a 9 to 5 corporate job .. wasn't easy but it had to be done , l was on a mission to help my mother who was hopeless and dying at this point. The impact of her death was delayed process o me and it eventually took its toll of my health many afterwards - l may share that as an additional paragraph later on this week -
"its 12.08 sunday - afternoon, l need to get off line and devoted the next hour in prays - devoted to my mum - today 3rd Feb - as a mark of respect and celebration og her life " tomorrow happens to be her birthday as well - another special day 4th Feb.....wish me luck everyone....
l think the worse part, was the death doctors were so right about the time line of events - from start to finish and that my mum just didn't know or accept she was dying inside even though she looked okayish from the outside except of course ..towards the 7 weeks she had left - things too a rather more spiritual feel and being in an hospice rather somber mode of death in the air in real - time, a horror movie could never prepare any sane or crazy human being for the raw and graphic faces of dying people lying in rows of bed - most at the final last stage of Life's cycle - they re all being prepared to die in peace - the smell of death in the air ..smells metallic - when one step' into the actual ward/s walking around - the smell hits one at the back of one's throat the first time - one's almost gagging or coughing , dry mouth and one's overcome with raw empathy - with all the dying patients harrowing sicken eyes just staring at healthy visitors like me - just wishing they could have their time of health - life reverse back many years - hopelessly staring into space defeated finally - staring death right in the face , straddled on a hospice death bed and no where to hide but to finally answer the call of death one after each other - as one person dies, the bed is cleaned up and the next dying patient is wheeled in - to endure palatine care and endure the long slow painful process of embarking on the final and last journey - the act of dying " - to repeat the same processed over again .. like clocks works . At this final phase of life - for most , it's become too painful and humane to force them , drinking, eating , going to the toilet all becomes too stressful - the decision to stop aided assistance comes from someone very senior either at the hospital or at the hospice - and preference is for nature to take its nature course to speed up the process of helping the patient to die in their sleep - sedated on morphine to lessen the pain and anguish of pain and sorrow right through the end. THE END OF LIFE IS COMPLETED AT THIS POINT .
On occasions like this , our memory serves us best and worst at the best of time through our our life history of grieving for the soul of a lost one known to us.Each passing second, minute, hour, goes by daily, weekly, monthly, yearly - their thoughts are at the back of our minds - missing and remembering their absence i.e. missing in death = R.I.P
any typical daily incidence triggers a thought, smile,crying in floods of tears indoors - outdoors but the death of someone means at that precise moment - their soul is there in spirit around us - invisible to the naked eyes - giving one a feeling of comfort and assurance they are safe where ever their soul and spirit resides ? - no one can answer this question 100 per cent.
Thanks for sharing - l wrote this off at the top of my head, my memory is as vivid as it just felt like this happened today - even though this event happened 2 decades ago, one can never forget the loss of a parent, parents, close family member, relatives or friends.. it is still reliving, recurring a very raw and vivid account of remembering the death and loss of someone die who died, passed on in real time - on the anniversary of their death or birthday as well, for one can never forget them in thoughts and in memory.
Here is some of my thoughts, about my memory in reference to the anniversary of my mother's death etc. l hope this helps others with their grieving process as well reading this .. Thanks for sharing this post with me.
today, 3rd Feb is the day when my mother finally passed away in her sleep through palliative care, after being informed by the "death doctors" that she had only a few months to live 2-3 months due to terminal illness (no more medication could help her live anymore)..
3rd Feb was her last day on the planet..
On the 3rd Feb that year, was a working day for me, l sensed it was going to be her last day on this planet, so l woke up at 330am early in the morning to the hospital about 6am to sit by her bed side , straight back into work for just before 9am and between 1pm - 1.30pm at lunch time - my mother's ghost tapped me on the shoulder "my mother appeared in spirit " telling me
she had left us - and l remembered, l was sat at my desk typing away on the computer in an open office - l suddenly jumped out of my executive chair at work like a crazy woman " yelling out loud my mum's just die ..omg..- she's gone - get me a taxi an one - l need to go to the hospital now" - someone did order a taxi for me ,l don't think l remembered getting into the taxi - my mind was racing fast
all around me - mycolleagues with jaws wide open just looked at me in utter shock - like what is going on ?
l never share accounts of my mum's dying with my boss or any other colleagues - one,its not their business, l am a true pro - so l dealt with the daily nightmare of watching my mum die a very slowly and painful death all on my own with my siblings only - its a private matter..
l think the worse part, was the death doctors (were so right about the time line of events - from start to finish) and that my mum just didn't know or accept she was dying inside even though she looked okayish from the outside except of course ..towards the 3 weeks she had left - things took a rather more spiritual feel and being in an hospice rather sober mode of death in the air in real - time,(feels like one was in a real life a horror movie ) for death can never prepare any sane or crazy human being for the raw and graphic faces of dying people lying in rows of bed - most at the final last stage of Life's cycle - they re all being prepared to die in peace - the smell of death in the air is very strong odour ..smells metallic - when one step' into the actual ward/s walking around - the smell hits one at the back of one's throat the first time - one's almost gagging or coughing , dry mouth and one's overcome with raw emotions with all the dying patients harrowing sicken eyes filled with utter fear of despair.. just staring at healthy visitors like me - just wishing they could have their time of health - life reverse back many years - hopelessly staring into space defeated finally - staring death right in the face , straddled on a hospital or on a hospice death bed and no where to hide but to finally answer the call of death one after each other - as one person dies, the bed is cleaned up and the next dying patient is wheeled in - to endure palliative care and endure the long slow painful process of embarking on the final and last journey - the act of dying " - to repeat the same processed over again .. likehow a clock works (24 x 7 - 365 days a year)- There is no stopping this . process - no one can flirt or dance with death but sleep with death - the final call, the final curtain the final show and chapter of life = its game over right there and there.
At this final phase of life - for most , it's become too painful and humane to feed/or be force d feed, the simple process of , drinking, eating , going to the toilet all becomes too stressful and painful for a dying patient - the decision to stop aided assistance comes from someone very senior either at the hospital or at the hospice - and preference is for nature to take its nature course to speed up the process of helping the patient to die in their sleep - sedated on morphine to lessen the pain and anguish of pain and sorrow right through the end. THE END OF LIFE IS COMPLETED AT THIS POINT .
On occasions like this , our memory serves us best and worst at the best of time through our life history of grieving for the soul of a lost one known to us. Each passing second, minute, hour, goes by daily, weekly, monthly, yearly - their thoughts are at the back of our minds - missing and remembering their absence i.e. missing in death = R.I.P
any typical daily incidence triggers a thought, smile, crying in floods of tears indoors - outdoors but the death of someone means at that precise moment - their soul is there in spirit around us - invisible to the naked eyes - giving one a feeling of comfort and assurance they are safe where ever their soul and spirit resides ? - no one can answer this question 100 per cent.
Thanks for sharing - l wrote this off at the top of my head, my memory is as vivid as it just felt like this happened today - even though this event happened 2 decades ago, one can never forget the loss of a parent, parents, close family member, relatives or friends.. it is still a very raw and vivid account of watching someone die in real time - one can never forget.
***
I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE ONE OF MY FAV MOTTO WITH ALL OF YOU -
"FOR TODAT IS NOT OURS AND TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED, REMEMBER TO LIVE YOUR LIFE IN REAL TIME - THIS IS THE TRUE ACCOUNT OF EACH OF OUR LIVES" FOR THE FUTURE OF EACH OF OUR LIVES IS MEASURED IN THE PRESENT TIME - WITHIN THE CURRENT SECOND OF TIME AND NOT IN MINUTES THERE AFTER"
If you read the above motto twice , you so get the understanding how life is so precious to each and every one of us living today in real time - food for thought.
lt was a privilege supporting my mother through the dying process - she asked me to be by her side as she was so scared of dying - facing death on her own, l was there with her dying - visiting at one stage at the hospital and at the hospice - she asked me to help plan her funeral whilst she was still alive - l did that for her carrying out all her instructions - l now know a lot about the funeral industry in the UK , l conducted my personal research - some facts l share with you documented below - my advice to anyone reading my post is to "start saving for your funeral cost " for the exception of those who may want to denote their bodies or organs to what ever project they so desire - now that the UK Govt have approved new regulations about us making compulsory donors of either or full body/or partly donated body parts or multiple organs to the NHS supply bank - there are lots more options for us all to think about moving forward - someone is going to be required to fund your funeral cost directly or indirectly , have you got the answer to this question now ?
l know death is a taboo subject in the western world, no one is comfortable talking about it or , discussing it at all.
Well, l lost both my parents within less than 12 months of each other - this is a massive blow to my system - 2 funerals in under 12 months - one cremated , the other buried - l now know a lot of about the funeral industry , and the loan sharks and scams pulled by some of the funeral companies that offer their services of handling the dead and bury the dead - through no fault of mine - its a very expensive business, and must people usually approach funeral companies when they are under a lot of distress, in pain and in sorrow as well as grieving - they mostly say yes to all the technical terms used by funeral employees - it's usually then a case of sign these forms and how would you like to pay for this funeral service ?