negative effects of talk

[loopylou]

I'm probably going to get myself banned now but feel I want to speak out. With all the talk of books being published etc on mumsnet and the popularity of musnet growing rapidly I feel the whole experience of talking on mumsnet has had a negative effect on myself and consequently will soon be going for proffessional counselling due to the personal nature of some stuff I have discussed on here. I regret some of it and have asked musnet in the past to delete some of it which they have not done.Knowing they have copyright on it all and the fact that it could have repercussions on my family especially if some of them were to read it it wouldn't take an expert to realise it was me,it has made me worry about this. I have learnt a valuable lesson here and being a blabber mouth have said rather a lot.Feeling really stupid and hope no one else feels like me.Signing off now.Regards,just had to get it off my chest.

loopylou

you can change your profile to exclude any comments you have made on the boards from publications.

other than that - i'm sorry you are feeling unhappy about this. hope the counselling helps.

all the best.

You can contact Mumsnet asking them not to publish any of the stuff you have written, which they will do. Sorry you feel so negative about it, I know that if any family members or my dh were to come on here, they would suss me straight away, and I've written some pretty personal and bad stuff about my family and relationships. Personally I feel sort of counselled at times by Mumsnet, it's good to get things off your chest. I am fairly safe in the knowledge that my family would have no reason to use this site, they would never buy a parenting book and my dh respects my right to privacy. It's good to share problems and to know that you are not alone. Perhaps bringing up some of the stuff from your past did do you some good? You say you are seeing a counsellor? So there were issues there that you needed to deal with sooner or later. Bottling it all up is not the answer.

I understand that you must feel pretty vulnerable, but hopefully one day you will look back and realise that it wasn't all bad. Good luck in the future.

loopylou, sorry to hear you feel bad. I certainly have concerns about being recognised as I find myself posting on Mumsnet and then telling a friend with children the same tale and thinking if they visit Mumsnet they will know who I am but I have not posted anything too personal and have a policy of not posting anything I would not speak to my friends about anyway. I also do not have the problem of family visiting as I am the only one with small children in my immediate family circle.

However whilst on the subject I wonder if the lovely people at Mumsnet could please ensure that a sorry episode involving a discussion about having fried egg and chips for dinner is not included in the book (I am sure it was not that interesting anyway). It all got rather out of hand and I would rather that only my first posting about SAHMs versus working mums on that thread be included, the thread was "I hate the expression full-time parent". Hope this is possible, it is embarassing more than anything.

I suppose I do sometimes regret posting on Mumsnet, especially if I manage to upset someone but I suppose you have to expect that to happen as you are not speaking face to face and do not know the other person well enough to know what not to say to them. The other time I sometimes regret posting is after a glass of wine but I think the benefits of Mumsnet far outweigh the downsides!

It was my understanding that the Mumsnet books would feature tips and advice re parenting rather than general talk discussions. I had thoguht that on this basis there wouldn't be anything included which would be embarassing or sensitive to the author. Could we have some clarification on this?

That was my understanding too, Croppy - much more how I got my child through teething than why I would like to throttle my MIL.
Loopylou, I am sorry you feel this way about what you have said on Mumsnet, and that you feel the team didn't respond to your concerns at the time. I do know that they will NOT put anything in a book that you do not give your consent to, I am sure I remember seeing that.
I am also sure that they won't "ban" you, the site is meant to be a supportive one for us all, and many of us have poured our hearts out here in a way that we regret later at some point. I think they will be very sorry to hear that being a member has caused personal difficulties for you. Hope the counselling helps.

loopylou - you say that you are having counselling due to some things you discussed on here. I might be wrong but isn't that a good thing? I thought the point of counselling was to help with problems you have in your life, therefore the things you discussed on here may not have come to the surface had you not opened up...The problems were there in the first place, Mumsnet maybe just allowed you to see them and begin the path to recovery (this said, although I've been on mumsent for a year now I have no idea what your problems were/are, so they don't stick in the minds of all the readers) Counselling is a wonderful opportunity to get some advice and help, try not to feel stupid about sharing.

I've had some really personal things on here too -some things I've not discussed with anyone else apart from a v close friend, I've had a little paranoid spell of 'oh my god, but everyone in the world can read it' in the past but hell, I don't think I'm THAT interesting really and if the world wants to read about my little life so be it! I too am a terrible blabber mouth but everything I've blabbered on here has always been met with reasonable, helpful and above all very friendly comments from others. Through this I have gathered a wealth of knowledge (or at least borrowed it!) and met a bunch of lovely people.

I think mumsnet talk exists on lots of levels, one for advice regarding parenting, one for sharing anecdotes, one for deeper discussions of a private nature. It is up to the individual how much info you discuss, I think as an adult human being we ought to be taking responsibilty for our own actions and keep remembering it is easier to blame others rather than see parts of our personalities we might not be too enamoured with. In this case the effects of being a 'blabber mouth' -sorry if that sounds harsh, but it wasn't against your will that you wrote these things, perhaps counselling will help you there as well. Perhaps there is a leson for others to learn here too.

Sorry to go on and really sorry that you're traumatised by it all - honestly I wouldn't wish feeling terrible on anyone. I guess only you know why you feel this way, and I do hope that you get what you need from the counselling...

PS I think if you've made a specific request to the team not to publish anything they really wouldn't - I mean they are real people, they have morals.

Loopylou - I'm really sorry that entering on to the mumsnet talk boards has caused you such distress. I will speak with (tech) Steve, to make sure that all your entries are deleted, although it may take a couple of days as he is away at the moment. Without talking to him and Justine (who is also away), I cannot say why this did not happen previously, but I do apologise if we did not act upon your request.

We will not include any of your entries in the mumsnet books. If anyone is unsure about the nature of the books, please read Justine's previous entries on the following thread:

www.mumsnet.com/s/Talk?topicid=9&threadid=1365&stamp=020719160213

We are always happy to answer any queries personally, regarding both the books or other concerns over things you have written on the talk boards at [email protected]

As we have said before, the talk boards are meant to be here to help - not to cause more grief. So please do contact us if you have any concerns.

Our best wishes

Rachel, Justine and Carrie.

Hi Loopylou,
I was going to remove your messages, but this is the only thread I can find with messages from you on it. If you have previously posted under another nickname, can you send me an email to let me know what it was. Can you also include the password for that nickname in the email so I know it's yours. Thanks, Steve ([email protected])