moved areas, DS still not settled, words of wisdom please

[sanae]

• sorry to go on again as I have posted a thread about moving before- we are 10 months down the line now from our move and still not sure this is the right thing for us - DS aged 9 in particular does not feel happy. Pros for staying here in Cornwall are: 1- financially much more secure - always worrying about money in Hampshire, here we are reasonably off, 2- this job has family friendly hours (I am breadwinner) which it would be very difficult to find elsewhere, 3- beautiful countryside and the sea. DS still not very happy though - earlier this week described being here as a nightmare, and he is right in saying that we have taken him from a very good, socially lovely little school to one with more of a social mix where he has found it difficult to make good friends. However he does not want to invite friends back here or for trips out as I have suggested. Also school is less academically good though I have come to accept this. DDs have settled better though still would be more than happy to go back to Hants if we suggested this. On top of this we were near to DHs family in Hants and kids miss that closeness. I am not sure that I could get a job back in Hants but should I even try? Not sure that going back is ever a good thing, has anyone else ever done it? Not too sure what I think myself - have not found it easy to settle here but if the kids loved it I would be happy to stay. DH also uncertain. Any words of wisdom?

We have just moved from Bristol to Alloa (450 miles). I think you have to be somewhere at least a year to feel settled. My oldest son (9) has fitted in reasonably well but my youngest is having a hard time. We have been here 6 months now so just a little bit less than you but I think we both should sit tight and see what time does.

thanks figleaf. My head tells me you are right, just worried that we have made wrong decision and that when DS is older will blame us for ruining his life.

Isn't that what they all do anyway? Part of the job description I think.

We moved 2 yrs ago 120 miles away from home

My oldest has settled into school its a good school but as a family we have never settled here and we asked him what he would ike to do stay here with his friends or move back home he chooses home every time

they take a long time to settle I think

we have made the decision to move back home but we have a lot more support there than here and I have missed my family tremendously

Interesting Sniff. We have friends who moved to NZ several years ago. Hated it for the first 2 years and made arrangements to come home, then suddenly realised it had become their home. Cancelled move back and have loved it since. On the other hand another family I know moved to Australia then returned after 2 years, couldn't stand it. Know this isn't a change of country, but still feels very different culturally here and same issues with loss of everyday contact with family and friends. I've read some of the overseas postings and I feel the same about homesickness, just on a much smaller scale. Never though I would miss red brick houses, flat countryside and overcrowded roads! Another part of me thinks that if we moved back now I would miss the rolling hills, peace and quiet and beautiful sea.

thought, not though

I know what you mean I miss silly things and feel its very different up here

There is things I will miss the short walk to school the BF group I am in etc but this cant compensate for family up the road

Its the long treks down the motorway when things go wrong that has swung it for me every time something happens in Birmingham and I have to be there or want to be its a day off school for my ds

As a couple we havnt been out together for the time we lived up here its been very difficult to find a babysitter for example who will look after 3 that I trust

I dont go out with friends because it means a weekend away

on a good note no-one gets involved like they do at home family time is just that family time

I dont get people asking for favours all the time either !!

Agree with your last 2 points - are we wearing rose-coloured specs! When are you planning to move back?

house has gone up for sale so ASAP

must point out though my DH works away from home I know none of this would e that bad if I had a job or he came home every night

and I dont live near green fields or the beach so the surrounding areas arent to die for unlike cornwall

J my oldest said that it takes a year not to be knon as the new boy and then you start to make proper friends because they know you well !!!! hes just nine in yr4 he said boys make good friends slower tha girls because girls fall out a lot -dont know if this is true this is his perspective

I would give it more time I think

I think you know when you are sure because there is nothing you would miss if you left

Food for thought. I want it to work here and I know 10 months is not long.

How's it going Sanae? We are approaching our first year here but you have had your first anniversry.

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