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Original poster

DO I WANT TO HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT?

21 replies

sportyspice · 29/08/2004 20:13

This is how i feel at the moe, desperately want a 3rd baby and dh has said "if that is what you want then lets do it" (not terribly romantic but at least compliant!!) and i'm also thinking that i would like to do my nurses training. I couldn't commence this until the children were at school, dd2 is only 16 months so a while off yet but if i have another it's even further off and then is it something i can do with 3 children?! So...my mind then says "stick with 2" but then i also think "but i want 3" so then i say "forget possibility of nurses training" and then i think "but i desperately want to do it". I want my cake and i want to eat it as i want it all...what would you do? it makes me so sad to think of no more children but then i also doubt whether it will be possible for me to do my nurses training after 3 children which also makes me sad as it too is something i want to do in my lifetime! Sorry it's a bit rambly.

OP posts:

lavender1 · 29/08/2004 20:16

sportyspice, how old are you if you don't mind me asking?

nutcracker · 29/08/2004 20:18

OMG You could be me. Honestly that is a coversation that i have in my head loads of times.

I would really love a 4th baby and did give it a go this month but no luck.
I am also due to go back to college to do an access to nursing course to enable me to go to uni.

I chop and change my mind at least 10 times a day and tbh it does wear me down sometimes.

Afraid I can't help you with your desicion as i'm no closer to making mine.

Eulalia · 29/08/2004 20:31

I don't think you are ever too old to return to studying and there is a shortage of nurses. Also can't you do relief work while you are training even with young children? A friend of mine works nights and it means her dh can look after the kids. I am sure anything is possible if you put your mind to it and work hard. Good luck!

lavender1 · 29/08/2004 20:35

sportyspice, are you still there??

you know I personally think you should go with what feels right...sounds a bit of a cliche but if you follow your heart it is often the better decision because it's what you really want, rather than what you feel you should be doing..

I don't believe that having another child at even 40 (which am sure you may or may not be) is too old...add a few years on whilst they are at home and mid-forties...I am sorry to be so optimistic but was reading "Donald Trumps" key to success in the free Hello magazine yesterday and he said the reason he did what he did was because he never gave up and did what he enjoyed he did (he's a millionare property developer or something) I know that it's not the same situation but I do believe that in this life you should can do anything within reason...you sound like if you didn't do this you would regret...so imho why do anything else....I think it's very admirable that you know what you want....and if at any time you need any chats and stuff, please talk....as my old sales job affirmation that we used to chant on a daily basis "What the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve"..

Good Luck lavxxxx

midden · 29/08/2004 20:37

Is there no way for you to do your nursing course part time, maybe when you feel 3rd baby could be separated freom you a couple of days a week? I have had this argument too with myself but there are lots of ways to study now.....

Original poster

sportyspice · 29/08/2004 20:44

You'll probably all laugh as i now say that i am 25....'all the time in the world' i can hear some of you saying but by the time baby no 3 went to school i would be 30 and i guess i just fear that by then it won't be possible with 3 children and then i fear i might feel regretful about it but also know i'd feel regretful about it if i did my nurses training and then didn't have a baby! This is the nearest to an enthusiastic mention of a third that i have come to from dh and i feel very much like it is now or never as he's not interested in waiting years and then having another. Oooohh i want it all don't i?

OP posts:

Avalon · 29/08/2004 20:50

A woman I know from school has 3 children and when the youngest was 4 she started to train to be a nurse. Naturally she's tired sometimes or rushing here and there, but on the whole it's worked out well for her. Go for it!

nutcracker · 29/08/2004 20:55

Blimey we are similar ages too, I am 26, and TBH most people would be horrified if i had another but at the end of the day you really need to do what you think is best for you and your family.

IMO You do have plenty of time to have another baby and still do nursing.

I should really learn to take my own advice

Tanzie · 29/08/2004 20:56

Have the baby and do the training later. I am not sure you will still have time to make your DH fresh cappucinos though

lavender1 · 29/08/2004 21:01

25 omg I thought you were 40!! have another baby and become a nurse!!!!

Original poster

sportyspice · 29/08/2004 21:04

Tanzie - made me laugh that you remembered about the cappucinos!!! maybe i'd have to set up the machine the night before

In my heart i say baby first and then training as i know there is a possibility of doing the training after a baby but virtually no possibility of a baby after nurses training (bearing in mind i'd have to wait until 16 month dd2 is at school and then 3 further years of training, about 7 years away and wouldn't want such big age gaps) I think i lack the faith in myself to complete the training with 3 children which would disappoint me greatly but i do have a very supportive dh (and you lot) and what Avalon said is encouraging

OP posts:

Yorkiegirl · 29/08/2004 21:10

Message withdrawn

Original poster

sportyspice · 29/08/2004 21:11

Am off to chat with dh now, he's just given me an hour long back massage so feel a bit guilty for neglecting him although he is watching a film too. Anyway, thanks for all the advice and i'll keep you posted. Good night xx

OP posts:

Original poster

sportyspice · 29/08/2004 21:13

Couldn't depart without thanking Yorkiegirl for that bit of encouragement,..thank you!!!

OP posts:

lavender1 · 29/08/2004 21:20

encouragement from avalon and midden too!!

Flossam · 29/08/2004 21:39

Sportyspice, I've done my nurses training in the past few years. There were several 'mature' students there who had children. Some were in their 40's and some looked even older ! So In really wouldn't worry about your age, it's not that much of a factor. I also found that those with the kids tended to get the best marks and the most out of the course. One of the women in her forties who had more than two children I'm sure, actually came out top at the end of our training. They were more organised, they had to be!
It will be tough, you will be working shifts for nearly half of your training in most uni's, but if your husband is supportive and you can arrange suitable childcare for your three (!) kids you will be fine! Also, can you do the access course at night school or at convinient times (or even over the internet?)? What I'm trying to say is that you should be able to fit that in around your family quite well, and will get you in to the swing of things for your training!

Best of luck with having your third baby AND doing your nurse training. I'm sure you'll be able to do both! (PS, I don't know what you do but if you go to your local hospital and find out if you can apply to be on the staff bank, you will gain basic nursing experience and be able to work when it suits you and your family, the experience like this will be invaluable when you start your training. HTH and I haven't told you everything you already know!)

Twiglett · 29/08/2004 21:50

message withdrawn

Twiglett · 29/08/2004 21:50

message withdrawn

libb · 29/08/2004 22:48

well rambled Twiglett! I will return to study when I get a moment's breath (have more important stuff to deal with first)!

I'm thinking Psychology or something along those lines, for no other reason than I want to - to do it so you open new windows of opportunities is an even better reason.

You are still young and so you can afford to go back to study now and then think about a possible third baby later on - starting a course now might prompt your decision for sure! you may love study or you may hate it, but at least you will know and can then form a decision on that. Does that make sense? sounds mumbly to me . . .

tallulah · 30/08/2004 10:31

I did an A level at 28, with 4 kids aged 6, 5, 3 & 1, then went to Uni full time (only works out about 20 hours of formal lectures/seminars) the following year, whilst also working 16 hours pw in a call centre.

I didn't have any goal in mind other than to get a degree, so didn't really do anything with it, but I was 33 when I finished & the children were 10, 8, 6 & 4.

I did feel that my youngest didn't really get enough of my time, but as the alternative for me would have been more hours at work, I felt I'd rather spend the time away from him doing something I enjoyed than something I had to.

posyhairdresser · 30/08/2004 15:22

Become a nurse then have another baby?

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