I HAVE LOST MY ABILITY TO STICK UP FOR MYSELF, HELP!

[Scotschic]

As above then after being a heroin addict for 7 years then I feel that certain aspects of my behaviour towards others, especially females, has changed and I seem to have lost the ability to stand up for myself.

I work in an all female environment and there’s quite a lot of bitchiness and I have had negative things said about me to me and I’ve just sat back and said nothing, and then I start to resent the female that has said said negative thing, and instead of saying something to her then & there then I let it fester inside me yet say nothing, I’m really starting to feel weak and of course this gives the person more confidence to be bitchy to me, knowing that I’ll just take it like a doormat.

I’m in my late 30s and I work with females who are in their early 20s right through to women in their late 50s, it’s the younger ones that are bitchy.

I go home after a long shift and I think on what was said all night & sometimes weeks, and months later, I also go through all the things I should’ve said but didn’t, I no longer seem to know how to turn these thoughts into words, I’m a great communicator in all honesty but not where these negativities are concerned, I let people walk all over me and pre-heroin then I was never this way, the strange thing is is that I’m only like this with females and not males. I don’t know if it’s because I’m suffering with mild depression -I’m on antidepressants now but they haven’t kicked in yet as I’ve only been on them 10 days- I would have no qualms in slapping a female at work but then this would make me look like a crazy person and of course, I’d lose my job.

The more I get on with a female and know them personally, then I am okay with sticking up for myself if need be, it’s the ones I only know at work that I’m having problems with, even though I’ve worked with some of these girls for 18months.

This is really getting me down and if I don’t put a stop to my weak behaviour ASAP then I never will, has anyone been through a similar thing? Can anyone please give me some advice on how to get back to the person I once was? I’d really appreciate some love here ladies!

Thanks in advance xx

It sounds to me as though you've lost a great deal of self confidence, not helped by the social stigma of addiction, particularly that of heroin. Look how far you have come, not only are you clean, which is a massive achievement, but you're also in gainful employment! That is incredible! Please don't let bitchy comments get you down, you don't know what skeletons are lurking in your colleagues closets. Think of everything you've overcome and achieved to get where you are, that indicates an extremely strong character. Please don't be belittled in your own eyes, you're incredibly resilient and you need to stop viewing yourself as a former addict and as a strong, hardworking member of the workforce. Maybe some self affirmations to use a mantra in times of stress might help. I salute you for what you've achieved, well done.
PS Did you mean to be so rude always helps, along with surprise at how well your colleagues keep up with gossip despite working and generally living life