Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Other subjects

Flip

Original poster

How to deal with perverts?

15 replies

Levanna · 22/08/2004 21:47

At a local and busy market today a man rubbed himself against my bum, and was very obviously already aroused. It was extremely brief, I barely had time to turn around to react before he'd dissapeared into the crowd. Ugh, disgusting! I found myself swiping my rear over the next hour to try to get rid of how it had felt. There was no obvious sign of any security, and it really didn't occur to me later that I should probably report it.....I only realised it was probably intentionally directed at me later on, when I was discussing it with my sister (who was at a nearby stall at the time, but didn't see it) she described the same man hovering around us earlier (unbeknown to me) and said he'd made her feel uncomfortable, but she hadn't realised he'd returned when her back was turned.
I have the feeling this man is quite accomplished at doing this to ladies, I should imagine he's a regular at busy places such as this. What should I do? It really angers me to think men can act like this and get away with it! I only got the briefest of glimpses before he dissapeared, so probably wouldn't recognise him again.

OP posts:

Goldfish · 22/08/2004 22:11

I think that maybe I would give my local police station a ring. It can't hurt. I know you didn't see him but if it has happened to someone else in the past and they have let the police know at least the police would know that he was still around. It does make you sick that someone thinks that they can get away with this. These sort of people are so cowardly. You have my sympathies and I hope you are feeling ok now. All we can hope is one day he will get caught and the sooner the better.

wellsie · 22/08/2004 22:17

Report it to the police. People like this need to be reminded that what they are doing is wrong. The longer they get away with it the more confident they get.

nutcracker · 22/08/2004 22:24

I hope you are o.k Levanna ?? A similar thing happened to me on a bus once.
The bloke actually came dpwnstairs and sat behind me and started feeling my bum.
I was stunned and just kept inching away from him.

He got off the stop before me. When i got off I ran faster thean ever before, and must of shook for the rest of the day.

I didn't tell a soul though and wish I had of now.
I was only about 16/17 and just wanted to forget about it.

Honestly it is worth reporting as then they can step up security at the market.

Original poster

Levanna · 22/08/2004 22:28

Thank you Goldfish, I do feel fine (if angry!). I had my little DD in her buggy in front of me at the time, and am 39+ weeks pregnant too, so feeling a little more vulnerable and protective of my body than usual! I've twice been followed / harrassed by strangers (men) in the recent past, during the day in shops or centres - this is the third time and different in that no verbal contact was made. It really is infuriating and paranoia tends to creep in about why people like this see me as an easy target . (Sound really sorry for myself! I'm honestly not - just frustrated!)

OP posts:

Original poster

Levanna · 22/08/2004 22:30

Thanks nutcracker and wellsie - posts crossed! I think I will call the local police in the morning, they may already be aware of him?

OP posts:

Lonelymum · 22/08/2004 22:30

Something similar happened to me once when I was about 20. A guy "fell asleep" in the seat next to me on a train and gradually started lolling over me until finally he was leaning very heavily (or touching with his hand, I forget which) on my breasts. I was so timid, I let him get away with it. Can you imagine a woman doing the same sort of thing to a man? They are very wierd. Don't know if the police would be interested in your experience, bu they should be.

ChicPea · 22/08/2004 22:44

Hope you are okay Levanna and congrats on your soon to be born baby!
I remember two incidents when I was about 15 years old and in school uniform:
The first one: I was on a packed bus standing on the ground floor as there weren't any free seats and the bus was moving slowly. I suddenly felt two hands lightly placed around my waist and thought I must be imagining it but looked at my waist and saw these hands. So, I stepped back in my high thin heeled shoes and made sure both heels dug into his shoes. The hands moved off of my waist swiftly and he got off at the next stop.
Second Incident: On a packed tube going to the West End with a friend and felt someone leaning on my back. I moved slowly to the side to see if I could shift the weight and I did. Then I felt it again so said to my friend "There is a man leaning on me, watch this!" and I moved so fast that the man who had not expected it went flying and my friend and I giggled uncontrollably (we were 15 after all) and after that he didn't have the nerve to try it again.
I think if this would happen to me now I would shout loudly "Get your hands off of me" to the first one and to the second one "Stop pressing against me".
These men do it to either lone women or do it so quickly that by the time the woman has a moment to complain it's over and they can deny it to anyone else who may get involved. This is how they get their thrills. Re: the man who pressed himself against you, i would inform the police as he is probably making a regular habit of it. Yeukk.

Goldfish · 22/08/2004 23:03

Aah Levanna, Hope all goes well with the new baby.
Of course you feel more protective of yourself when you are pregnant especially as far as you are. He obviously could see how vulnerable you were so picked on you. Do ring the police tomorrow and let us know how you get on. Good luck!

Lonelymum · 22/08/2004 23:05

Another occasion I remember, I was walking down the street with a friend, wearing something that very slightly revealed my midriff (this in the days before it was fashionable and commonplace). A man coming the other way, reached out and made a grab for my stomach! The more I think about it, the more I think you should report the incident.

Paula71 · 22/08/2004 23:08

When I was a fairly gobby 19 year old I was taking the bus home to visit my parents. This rather smelly odd man sat next to me, the bus was fairly busy. Next thing his hand is on my thigh, without even thinking I yanked his hand straight in the air and shouted:

"Whose dirty little hand is this? It was on my thigh but it isn't my hand!"

Wish I was like that now! The man slunk off the bus quite quickly while everyone else just stared at me. Oh yeah, I'm the weirdo for pointing it out. I've also done that rolling back with my shoe on his foot on the Glasgow underground once. It really works quite effectively!

Levanna, it sounds like your sister got a pretty good look at this man, could she give a description if you went to the police?

MeanBean · 23/08/2004 08:42

It's amazing isn't it, that you are the problem for having pointed out that someone is a perv. What is the matter with people?

hester · 23/08/2004 10:56

I recently stepped in to help a young girl on the tube - clearly didn't speak much English, and was getting increasingly upset by this drunk guy who was harassing her quite nastily. Tube was packed, and everyone was busily looking the other way. I said to him, 'She's obviously not interested so why don't you leave her alone'. Needless to say, I then get a long stream of abuse, and EVERYBODY - including her! - stares at me like I'm some kind of freak.

Aero · 23/08/2004 11:43

Ugh - sounds horrible - what a creep! By all means report the incident and hopefully at least they will take enough notice to make others aware this person is around. But for you, if you can, I'd try to put it in the past and forget about it so you can focus all your concentration where it should be - on yourself, your family and your new little (due soon) family member!! Good luck with it - you must be almost there now - if not overdue?!

Pagan · 23/08/2004 13:09

I'd give the police a ring. There are too many gits out there who think its a laugh, sadly some of these guys are usually well dressed, professional types who think after a rowdy drink in the pub on a Friday night with their mates, that touching a female up is a great laugh. It makes me sick.

Sounds like the guy you mention is rather slick at it so if he's been doing it a lot then chances are that he may be on CCTV somewhere. There are probably lots of women who have been on the receiving end of his perversions but are too scared to say anything.

Hope you are feeling OK now

Original poster

Levanna · 23/08/2004 23:22

Thanks for all of your replies (still got my legs crossed Aero ).
I did call the local police station earlier and spoke to a nice sounding guy, who was receptive re the brief description I gave him of what happened, and sensitively put me through to a female police officer to arrange to meet with her - she on the other hand, showed no interest whatsoever, at all, in the least . I know it's not a major and life changing ordeal, but she basically made me feel that there was no point at all in reporting it - well, not to her anyway! I've decided to give the market owners a call in the am, just to make them aware of this man, and to suggest they put some kind of visible security personell in place, particularly on busy days such as this! (I was there for a couple of hours, and saw no one in authority after all.) That way at least 'something' might be done? (Can only live in hope!)
Thanks again

OP posts:

Flip