I'm extremely confused and in a bit of a state

[notadmittedthistomyselfbefore]

I need to ramble. Apologies in advance. I am a regular, but really don't want to do this under my usual name.

My children attend a sports club. One of the instructors has been accused of fairly minor inappropriate behaviour (accepting that any inappropriate behaviour is unacceptable but it truly is the bottom end of the scale).

Oddly enough, his story correlates with the complainant's story, and this has been consistent, but a complaint has now been made. The police are investigating, rightly so, but at this stage seem to have intimated that if nothing else is found, there's likely to be no charges. His solicitor has also implied that there's no case to answer, so now he has to wait until October.

If I'm honest, my first thoughts are to take the children and run, but I'm very confused.

Although I intend to delicately probe my children, I believe absolutely that they have never been subject to any inappropriate behaviour. They have never been alone with this man, there is usually another instructor/member of staff there, and as parents we're there the vast majority of the time. They have never exhibited anything that would indicate any wrongdoing at any point.

Innocent until proven guilty is a basic principle of British Law, but I also know that children should always be believed in these circumstances, until/unless proved otherwise.

There's no smoke without fire, as they say, until you factor in the complainant's mother, who I know from past experience has no qualms about lying. (I realise I may be flamed for that comment, but sadly that's the truth).

General observation is that the complainant himself has always had an excellent relationship with the instructor.

When I discussed the situation with one of the other mothers as to where we go from here (we're quite involved with the club in an unofficial capacity), without any prompting she said virtually the same as I had thought, as detailed above.

I really don't know what to do for the best.

The instructor is seemingly very open about all of this, and he is devastated by the accusations. He has told a small group of parents what has occurred, and intends to inform the rest of the parents as soon as possible, but is trying to work out the best way of doing this (meeting? letter?).

We think we (the small group of parents who already know) should have a meeting with him, and ask some searching questions, and take it from there.

Oh God, I'm so confused.

Wedges occurred whilst fully-clothed, not underpants, iykwim, just in case there is any misunderstanding.

It is horseplay, but inappropriate given that he's an instructor. The complication being that the mother is (was) also good friends away from the club (although friendship was formed through the club) and different behaviours then becomes acceptable, don't they?

My children are old enough to give reliable answers, and both DH and myself are well aware of the need not to ask leading questions (but a valid point Twiglett).

That's the situation we're trying to avoid DevilWP.

There is another element to all this (sorry). Both DH and I have to tread very carefully in all this because of our jobs. IF we stay away from all this, and there does turn out to be something, we could both have serious questions to answer. This is also the reason the CP officer wants us to be involved.

I am not being obtuse, or ignoring your advice, but if we don't get involved, the only other alternative is to take the children out of the club now, and I'm not sure that's fair on my children or on the instructor.

And don't apologise VSS, I appreciate all the responses received.

sorry everyone, just joined this thread. May seem a really dumb question, but if his 'inappropriate behaviour' is giving 'wedges' why are the police involved?

my own person opinion would be to take the kids out of the club until the situation has been resolved by police or other authorities - the scenario you describe does seem to have gotten pretty serious to me and unfortunately it is the world we live in today that forces us to be suspicious of what would normally be construed as messing about/horseplay.

I would suggest moving DC to another club - see what their reaction is - until situation is resolved. If resolved to your satisfaction (go with gut feel) then you could always take them back?

Mum has made a complaint to the police, and the police are investigating.

Hmmm

Yes I agree, if the instructor knows the children on a personal basis, behaviour which would be unacceptable with other children, does become acceptable with them.

Blimey what a dilemma

quite!

If he is being investigated by the police he would not be alllowed to run the club, so there is little you should worry about for now.
I agree you should just wait and see what, if anything happens, and not wade in or involve your children unless they have been directly involved.

You wont but this will haunt you until one of your/others boys tell you what went on in a few years.

GET YOUR SON OUT. There is nothng wrong with feeling uneasy. Put him in another group.

When will Mums believe that it's likely to be your brother, husband, father, very close friend who abuses 99.9% of children.......

How old are your children? You say they are totally comfortable with him, right?

What does your gut instinct tell you about this bloke? What did it tell you before this incident?

I would be inclined to sit through the investigation procedure. If he's never actually alone with children, I don't really see the problem here.

Is that aimed as me as a mum UCM, or the complainant's mum? Rest assured, I am very aware of the stereotypical profile of paedophiles, the risks of grooming, and their likely targets, etc etc.

My children are pre-teens, and yes they are comfortable with him.

Mine and DH's gut instinct about this bloke is that there wasn't a problem.