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Coping with 3 children of three and under

19 replies

Mog · 19/08/2004 20:00

I'm drawing near to having baby number three and my oldest has just turned three. I'm at the 'can't be bothered to get off the couch stage' and am wondering how I'll have the stamina to run around after three.
Has anyone got any tips for coping. I also find it hard to keep on top of housework at the moment and wonder how I'll be able to fit everything in. I'm not hugely houseproud but find if the house descends into chaos it makes me feel worse. I'm following the housework thread with interest.
I know there are a few on here with three children so would love some tips or just general inspiration and positive stories as I set off on this adventure

OP posts:
geogteach · 19/08/2004 20:07

OOOOh me too, eldest nearly 3.5 and no 3 due October I'll look forward to some positive stories. Any ideas for how to get DD 14 months walking before the imminent arrival?

kkgirl · 19/08/2004 20:51

Positive story

Don't worry about the housework, there will be too much else to do, and it is hard work looking after three at such young ages, and you will need all the rest you can get at first. Slowly and Surely you will be able to cope with the kids and housework, but unless you relax a bit you can drive yourself mad.
I am just beginning to get my house back into some order and mine are 10 and 2 X 8.
But at the end of the day, whats a bit of mess and untidiness, compared with the joy of three. After all they grow up all too soon.

Finally will your 3 year old be going to Playgroup soon?

Mog · 19/08/2004 20:59

I'm lucky in that my eldest will continue at nursery two full days a week and the middle one will go one day a week. Also my mum is coming to stay for a month when the new baby arrives so this should ease the load a bit.

OP posts:
susanmt · 20/08/2004 11:05

Hi Mog! When my 3rd was born my eldest was still 2 months off turning 4, so I had 3 of 3 and under for a wee while.

It would be dishonest of me to say it hasn't been hard work, but it has been worth it. Some tips?

Be organised! Use the time NOW to get things organised for when No3 is born, to keep the other amused while you are endlessly feeding etc. I made 'nursing baskets' for my 2 older kids, with nice little quiet things to do in them - colouring in, books they could look at themselves, and a snack, so that we all sat down together. I also made sure I had organised clothes etc so that dh would not be forcing them into things that belonged to each other, were too small etc (eldest is a girl and middle is a boy, doesn't stop dh getting clothes mixed up though!)

I was lucky in that we were able to afford to get a cleaner which made a huge difference to me, at least I know that on Friday the house will get a good clean before the weekend! My dd1 goes to nursery every morning (free place!) and ds goes 2 afternoons.

Accept every offer of help, and if people ask what they can do - suggest something! I had several people cook meals so that I could have them in the freezer for when I couldn't be bothered cooking.

But though it has been chaos (and I've been ill as well), its true to say what kkgirl did, what is the mess compared to the joy of 3. I never planned to have 3 and now I think it is the best thing in the world!

Mog · 20/08/2004 18:51

Thanks for the good tips susan. I've got a dd and then ds - what did you have third? I'm currently debating whether it's best to have middle ds in nursery one day a week (costs over £30) and so have a day to myself with new baby and catch up on housework. Or should we get a cleaner instead. We couldn't afford to do both. Would be interested in anyone's views on this.

I'm not very good at accepting help from non-family members but think I'll need to work on this. I'm really not that bothered about how tidy the house is but I do hate the feeling of falling over everything and also not being able to invite people in because the house is a tip! I'm talking keeping on top of basics here!

OP posts:
geogteach · 20/08/2004 19:25

Mog we sound even more similar, DS does nursery 2 days a week (and will do 2 mornings pre school in Sept). DD does 1 day a week, we also have a cleaner so very lucky I know.

clary · 21/08/2004 21:46

Mog, I had three under 4 for a while (2yrs between DS1 and DD, 22 months between dd and DS2 so not quite as close as you, but still...) It was fine, I was and am very positive about having 3. I kept my 3-days a week childminder going for the older 2 tho I took on nursery run and had more days with the older 2 in hols etc, but that was a godsend and wd definitely recommend it to give you some time with new baby. But you will find he/she just fits in in terms of feeds and sleep, and doesn't need any entertaining with those big children to watch!
It helped that I was healthy so make sure you get all the sleep you can and eat well, drink water and not too much alcohol or caffeine - honestly, if you are feeling well you can cope with anything! (You may do this healthy eating lark already so if so apologies).
Housework; well I took (take!) the view that if everyone has clean ironed clothes to wear and there's food in the fridge and more to the point on the table we're doing OK.
Just enjoy it. I had a year off work with DS2 and it was wonderful. Yes, my house is very untidy but I don't happen to think that's the most important thing, and it sounds like you don't either. Don't worry what anyone else thinks. They are not important. You, DH/DP and your lovely little ones are.

tallulah · 22/08/2004 09:02

DS2 was born on DS1s second birthday, & DD was 3.5. Apart from having 2 in nappies again, I don't remember the transition from 2 to 3 being as dramatic as from 1 to 2. You are already used to juggling, so the new one just slots in. I found synchronised nap times was a good idea, to give you an hour or so of catching up time. Other than that, no pearls of wisdom i'm afraid!!

Mog · 24/08/2004 20:01

Bump - anyone else?

OP posts:
JanH · 24/08/2004 20:08

My neighbour has a family like kkgirl's, Mog - with a boy just turned 2 she had twin girls in December, and her DH is a submariner and disappears for months at a time (no communication at all!)

She has help from Homestart (?) and her parents and sister live nearby; her kids always look happy and lovely and so does she. Makes me feel tired just looking at her but she seems to cope fine!

jasper · 25/08/2004 17:10

HI Mog. My third was born the same week as my first turned three.
They are now 5,3, and 2.
It's a bit of a madhouse but I love it. Having three so close together is wonderful. There is a real "gang" mentality which I love.
The mess of the house gets me down at times and I have no time to do ongoing house repairs and stuff like that and constantly feel I am chasing my tail.

I still feel as though I can't be bothered to get off the couch!

susanmt · 26/08/2004 10:40

Mog, I've just come back to check this thread! My 3rd was another girl. Poor ds! But he is such a self sufficient wee soul (always has been) that I am sure he will cope with having sisters on either side.

I wouldn't know what to pick if I had to choose Nursery over cleaner. I'm very very lucky cos our local nursery is a community nursery for a Gaelic speaking area (not your sort of area, I'm guessing?) and so the place for dd1 in the morning is free (the state funded place for 3 yrs and up) and ds goes 2 afternoons a week for 2 hours, for £6 a week! But I wouldn't want to be without the wonderful Isabel!

I found that when I was on my own with dd2 to begin with it was great - she was able to sit and watch me in her little bouncy chair, she slept a lot, etc etc. But now she is almost 9 months and pretty demanding, and I don't get half as much done as I did in the early days. I've got very very good at the 10 minute dash around to make sure things are bearable. On a good day I kick them out in to the garden and run round the house like a banshee, tidying as fast as I can. I try to make sure one room is tidy enough for guests at short notice - we've got a big kitchen with a sofa in there so I try to keep that clear in case anyone drops by.

I used to be terrible at accepting help from other people but somehow I've got used to it over time. I dont know if you know my story at all, but I have been very ill with kidney stones pretty much constantly since I was pregnant with ds (had a 4 months break before I got pregnant - accidentally - with dd2 and I am still clearing the stones out that I made during that pregnancy) so I was in hospital a lot during the 3rd pregnancy and just after, and dh was coping with looking after the kids, working full time, commuting 23 miles each way each day to see me in hospital, trying to do on-call (he's a GP), and so one day when a friend came in to the hospital and said 'would your dh like me to cook him something to have in the freezer' I jumped at it and somehow after I had said OK once, it was easier to do it again.

another tip - get your Mum to clean! My Mum is a demon cleaner and I laid it on a bit 'oh Mum, the best thing would be if I could start with a tidy house when you leave' and she did it - it was great. MIL comes to stay quite regularly adn though a best description of her cooking skills would be 'limited', within those limitations she is pretty good, so whenever she comes she stocks us up on Lasagnes and stroganoff and Irish Stew (she's from Belfast!) - her 3 things! Great for those days when you have no idea what to cook!

I'm trying to think of anything else. The best thing we got after dd2 was born was a vasectomy! No, that was even before she was born (I'm not allowed to get pg again, due to kidney thing).

When are you due? I got to the 'not bothered to get off the couch stage' at about 4 months pregnant and am still in it now!!

mears · 26/08/2004 10:58

Welcome back Jasper - how are you?

jasper · 26/08/2004 20:39

knackered

Jollymum · 26/08/2004 20:54

Do you have to be fairly OK wth cash to have so many littlies? I presume you're not working, or maybe working from home? There was no way we could have afforded that many so quick, even though we have four now and you must be saints or serious earth mothers!! I hope you have help, 'cos you'll need it! Hope you have some time to yourselves and good luck with all thos nappies!

Mog · 27/08/2004 16:34

Jasper, great to see you back on mumsnet - and that you are coping with three close together and a running career Love the description of your three as a gang as this is what I'm hoping mine will feel like.
Jollymum, I suppose we have had them close together for age reasons. I'll be 41 when this baby is born. I've worked in between each babe so have qualified for maternity leave and dd is on an assisted place at nursery from September as she is three. Apart from loss of earnings I don't find them a drain financially at this age - breastfeed, recycle clothes and use NCT sales.
Sure I'll be in for a shock in a few years though but really wanted a third.
susan - I didn't know your story. It must have been really tough keeping everything going with your illness and hospital stay on top of it. I'm due in three weeks and can see that the initial months will possibly be slightly easier than when the baby becomes mobile. My mum is great with the children but is an abysmal cleaner (always has been) but I think I'm going to work at that as it is the one thing she could really make a difference with.
I'm currently trying to declutter so that there is less stuff around to create the chaos in the first place.

OP posts:
jasper · 27/08/2004 21:10

Mog I work three days a week . When people ask me "how do you cope?" I say "I don't"

I honestly just guddle along. The kids are well fed but not particularly clean.(bath every night but still somehow grubby all the time).
The house is a shambles.
Sometimes I drink too much wine.
Over the past few monthes I go for a "run " for half an hour three times a week which seems to relieve tension.

Every so often I think about getting a cleaner but
a) I'm too proud
b) I'm too mean
c) the house would only be clean for ten minutes after the cleaner had gone so I think what's the point?

How long have you got to go till the baby is born?

laa · 27/08/2004 21:31

Mog, good luck! I'm 16 wks. pregnant with no.3 - due Feb, when DS will be 3 mos. short of his 4th birthday and DD will be 21 mos. I'm wondering where my energy will spring from too! My only hope is remembering that I felt a damn sight better post-natally than in pregnancy. I wish we could have a cleaner. Fortunately my mum is almost obssessive about it, so I have to get her over! Anyway, glad to see someone other than me is wondering how they'll manage - but you will! Best of luck with the birth.

Skate · 28/08/2004 10:39

It's great to see everyone giving advice and support - my third is due any day (6 days over now), DS1 is 3.5 and DS2 is 21 months. I get no sympathy from my mother really who also had 3 of us at very similar gaps but had 'no money', 'no car'...blah, blah...'how do you think I managed?' Arrghghghggh!!

I too like the 'little gang' quote - this is what I'm looking forward to. Hopefully, despite the mess (which I'll struggle with - I'm so tidy!) and hard work the house will be full of fun and interaction. I can't wait!!

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