MIL what went wrong ?

[Kerrylou92]

Now you might a bit of a back story.

I have been with my man for 7 years now and we have 2 beautiful boys. MIL and I have or should I say had an amazing relationship. But since my partner moved in with me about 3 years ago when my eldest was born. It starting going down hill. We leave 20 minutes away from her and she doesn't drive. She use to look after my eldest while I went to work. But after a few months she would message me (as I am about to leave the house or on the way to hers) saying she can't look after him as she is sick. (Fair enough she can/does get sick often) but it became everyday. So I told her it's costing me loads in petrol and sometimes making me late so I thought it would be easier to use my dad (who drives and leaves 5 minutes away)

During on visit my 3 year old struggled to get a few words out. She didn't mention anything until my partner when to visit by himself a couple of days after. She then decided to mention that my 3 year old struggling upset her so much she held back tears until we left. I was very hurt that she didn't mention this on the day or even to me.

Now my partner keeps saying I should make an effort with her and take the kids alone during the week. So I asked is she asking this or is this you? Apparently it's her. I said well she should message me then. Apparently she has and nothing comes of it or I cancel our plans. I haven't plan anything with her since January and then SHE cancelled. I know half the time her excuses are bollocks as they are a family of flankers.

I just don't understand what's changed I felt part of the family. Until about a year ago and now I feel like a 3rd wheel Everytime I'm there

I think you need to find some time and tell her this is how you feel - say how much you enjoyed your relationship and you want things to be like that again but you don't understand what has gone wrong?

You'll need to be prepared to listen to her, if she decides to talk to you about it, and that could be hard, and you may have to work hard not to be defensive.

With you 3yo and difficulty talking, I guess it could be she felt that didn't want to be that MIL who comes over like she's criticising her DIL and that's why she hid it, and maybe you can tell her that you'd like her to be open about these things with you.

In any conversation I think you'd need to focus on bringing back the positives, not what the negatives are now - what is realistic for both of you to achieve in the time available to you, and what her health will allow?

Also, can DH not take the kids over more often?