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Yet another family/money dilemma - aaargh!

29 replies

Budababe · 31/05/2007 13:16

Feel sick and annoyed and sad and and and.....

Call from sis this morning. History - she is married, some problems, 3 DCs, history of PND with all 3, recently diagnosed with bi-polar but is not medicated as terrifed of going on lithium.

She has a favour to ask. Cue me knowing it is money related. Turns out that while in the midst of her depression she racked up credit card debt. Took out a bank loan. Now can't pay that. Looking to borrow from us to pay off bank loan. Her DH is unaware and she is afraid to tell him as she says he will throw her out and take the DCs. She doesn't want to tell our parents as she says she has put them through enough. Went to credit union and they say she needs to save with them for 6 - 12 months and then they will lend her the money but she needs a guarantor.

She needs 15,000 euros. I feel sick just thinking about it.

What the hell do I do? Yes we can afford it. Or rather DH can - I am SAHM. We lent them money before when they were buying their house - they paid it back but it was no where near this amount. I feel so angy with her. Angry that she did it in the first place. And angry that she has put me in this position. She said that she sometimes thinks they only solution is to write her DH a letter explaining and then take an overdose of paracetemol.

When she was really bad she used to go around different pharmacies with altered prescriptions to get whatever she was on. Has been off all antid's and sleeping tabs for about 2 or 3 years but is still prone to manic episodes where she does spend a lot. No guarantees that this won't happen again.

I spoke to DH briefly and his initial comment was that we were not doing anything behind anyone's back.

OP posts:
toomuchtodo · 02/06/2007 09:07

yep good plan!

VerySensibleKbear · 02/06/2007 09:09

I don't envy you this situation but you sound like one helluva sister, I hope she appreciates you. You are doing exactly the right thing I think, just handing her cash isn't going to solve anything.

newlifenewname · 02/06/2007 09:16

I have borrowed from my sister to the point where she neither wishes or is able to help anymore. Fortunately I have now escaped the issues that were leading to me being in debt and I am now struggling to survive financially but I am sortin git out, slowly.

I had a partner who was a liar and a leech. Your sister has an illness which is not something you can just turn your bck on. Of course, although one symathises entirely with her misfortune, she does have a responsibility to address the issues that are making her over spend and this means getting her bipolar under some sort of control. I do not believe that Lithium is a normal treatment for this condition but can check with my friend who has Bipolar disorder. Maybe you could offer your support in this area - being her advocate in accessing support from mental health services?

As for the debt, I would imagine that the best course of action for her would be to come sort of debt management arrangement with her creditors. What country is she in?

newlifenewname · 02/06/2007 09:17

sorting git, while almost appropriate, is supposed to say sorting it!

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