Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Need help!!!! Please x

15 replies

CandyCane007 · 23/07/2018 16:41

Hello, so I'm pregnant and due in less than 3 weeks.
Me and baby's father are not romantically together, however we are currently getting on very well. He wants to be involved in both of our lives. He still wants a romantic relationship with me, which I don't want due to our history I can't trust him. We now live quite far apart.

My concern is that although things are great now, the future is unpredictable and that may change. I don't have a good relationship with his father - he's very anti me and is claiming I will want to steal all my ex's money. That I'm going to change and take everything from my ex and make his life difficult. That this baby is a huge mistake and will wreck his life. Im worried he will one day convince my ex to take my baby away from me completely. My ex has always wanted to please his father and will always do whatever he wants.. (including breaking up with me twice in the past)

Is there something I can do to prevent this, is there something I can do legally to guarantee he can't? I don't want to take baby away from him. I do still love him and he's going to be an amazing dad! All I want is my baby and ex to have a relationship.

Baby is going to have my last name. Ex wants to be on the birth certificate, which I also want. I can't talk to him and voice my concerns as he won't understand and will just say I'm trying to have an issue with his dad.. I'm trying to get a better relationship with his father but he's not interested. The rest of ex's family are all planning on coming here to meet baby, except my ex's father.

I don't want to have to take a legal route, but I just want to feel reassured that the future will be okay and I don't know what to do!

Sorry for this being so long :(

OP posts:
LostwithSawyer · 23/07/2018 16:43

Do not put his name on the birth certificate. He'd have to go with you for his name to be added as your not married.
Go alone.
No name no parental rights over that baby.

Original poster
CandyCane007 · 23/07/2018 16:46

I thought about not putting him on birth certificate. But he's already said he wants to be, and he knows he has to be there so not sure how I wouldn't.

He is also at uni and will get given money to help with baby if he sends them a birth certificate with him on..

OP posts:
SlowlyShrinking · 23/07/2018 16:47

No, don’t put his name on the birth certificate, then he won’t have parental responsibility. Then you won’t have to worry about his dad trying to control you through your ex. If your ex wants to be a proper dad, then he will, even if not on the BC.

SlowlyShrinking · 23/07/2018 16:49

Make the appointment to register the birth but don’t tell him when it is and go on your own. Priorities protecting yourself and your baby. His dad sounds like someone who you definitely don’t want to have any kind of hold over you!

LostwithSawyer · 23/07/2018 16:52

Just because be said he wants to be doent mean you have to put him on it.
You don't live near each other. Go alone!
You may be getting on well now but who knows how things will change with a newborn baby.
Sod him and his dad.
Look after you and your baby.

Bezm · 23/07/2018 16:53

You don't need to tell him when you register the birth!

SoupDragon · 23/07/2018 17:02

No name no parental rights over that baby.

Rubbish. He can apply for PR via the courts.

Gazelda · 23/07/2018 17:10

I sympathise with your situation. I hope you find a solution. But I have to say that I feel,sorry for your baby's dad too - he is trying to be supportive and a good father to his child, but by being prevented from being able to attend the birth registration, he might well feel as though you are putting obstacles in his way at the first opportunity.
Like I say, I can understand your concerns. But I can also see how the father might feel.

LostwithSawyer · 23/07/2018 17:14

Erm it's not rubbish
From the gov.uk website-
Who has parental responsibility
A mother automatically has parental responsibility for her child from birth.

A father usually has parental responsibility if he’s either:
married to the child’s mother
listed on the birth certificate (after a certain date, depending on which part of the UK the child was born in)

titchy · 23/07/2018 17:30

If he's not on the bc it's easy enough for him to get PR through the courts. Only you know whether he would or not.

Best advice - breastfeed your baby. You can use this as a reason to always be there when he has contact.

SoupDragon · 23/07/2018 17:45

Erm it's not rubbish

Yes it is. He can get a court order. You accidentally left this bit off your cut and paste You can apply for parental responsibility if you don’t automatically have it.

Hefzi · 23/07/2018 17:47

Get given money by whom? Sorry, but I wouldn't have him on the birth certificate under any circumstances.

SlowlyShrinking · 23/07/2018 19:08

He could apply for PR, but why make it easy for him by putting him on the BC?
And would the money he gets from uni for being a parent go directly to him? If so, you have your motivation for wanting PR right there, sadly

SoupDragon · 23/07/2018 19:20

why make it easy for him

Because he is keen to be involved, it’s his child and the OP says he’ll be a fantastic father? Why make it difficult for him?

Surfingwhippet · 23/07/2018 20:20

Best advice - breastfeed your baby. You can use this as a reason to always be there when he has contact.

This

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.