Depressed DSD?

[scarletthw]

DSD is 15- shy, but clever and pretty. Never talks to me and says she can’t trust me and that she can’t trust anyone. Used to be a lovely girl, 2 years ago she had a big breakdown at school and said she’d been self harming and tried to commit suicide; me and DH thought it might be a cry for help. She refused seeing a counsellor. Lost most of her friends but last year seemed to be more optimistic and making recovery. Since January she has been going on about how she wants to change schools, doesn’t like anyone. Locking herself in her room and not going out the house. Last month, I got a call from her form tutor saying she was been suspended for drinking alcohol (she’d stolen it from home) and smoking. This is the girl who gets straight A* grades and never puts a foot wrong. Her mother had a bad relationship with alcohol too which makes things worse. Tutor said that she’d finally agreed to see a counsellor, so we had a meeting where she completely broke down in tears (she’s v unemotional) and said that her mother had done something bad to her. Since then she brushes it off every time I try to talk about it, and laughs about drinking and smoking and clearly doesn’t care. She writes in a diary which I believe to be v macabre. She says that she’s just stressed about school, but DH is convinced she wants to commit suicide again. What do I do???

Oh poor girl 😢 and how awful for you and your partner to see, it must be so upsetting and frustrating.
I have no advice but didn’t want to just scroll past.
I do think it’s important to some how (no idea how) get to the bottom of what happened between her and her mother.
This girl, although may deny it, probably wants her mum deep down, although she knows what her mum is like, your mum is your mum. She has obviously had a rough ride and can’t handle it all.
Is she close with her dad?
Have you ever been close?
Are there subtle things you can do to show her you both are there and care? I have no idea what (I’m really bad at this)
I would never suggest reading a diary but maybe if suicide is a concern then you could try and sneak a look to see where her head is at. Although that’s a really bad idea of you get caught, especially if she doesn’t trust you already.
Oh god I’m awful at this. I really hope you get some helpful advice on here 🙈
Xxx

Thanks, Betty. I know she is really having a hard time at the moment and such a lovely girl, I really do feel for her. I had a bad relationship with my mum as a teenager (and dad buggered off) which caused a lot of problems, so I can relate.

Her mum has bipolar disorder and when there are times of depression and mania, anything could have happened. DSD hasnt seen her mum in 5 years though as she lives 3 hours away from me and DH, and DSD has no desire to speak to her. There could have been contact over the phone though, I suppose?

DH cares for her v much as she’s his only child and she knows it, but he’s quite a shy man and whilst he lets her know that he’s there for her, he won’t often reach out directly to help.

Me and her go through times of very good relationships and other times, she can be absolutely awful to me. Overall, I would say we get on well, but I’m perhaps not the easiest to talk to and she doesn’t like opening up. She’s incredibly private. I wish she had a sibling or close friend to talk to, but she’s an only child and seems to be there for her friends more than they are there for her.

I’m always telling her that she can tell me anything and she’s more than happy to talk about ‘private’ things like periods and sex so we have a good talks about taboo subjects, but anything that’s going on in her head and life is a complete no go for her.

I don’t feel right reading her diary, but DH is definitely considering it, so will see if he does.
Xxx