What makes a good godparent?

[Earlybird]

I've recently been asked to be godmother to a friend's daughter. I'm honoured to be asked, but wonder exactly what it entails? I come from a place (not the UK), where godparents are not that usual, so need a crash course on what is expected - and beyond that, what a 'good' godmum does.

Would hugely appreciate being guided - everything from pre-Christening, to on the day stuff, to birthdays/Christmas/other special occasions and general stuff too. Are there other 'moral' and/or commitments/obligations?

Also would welcome suggestions for a christening gift. Money not a huge issue, so can stretch to something very nice...unless it's exorbitant!

Thank you!

Hi Earlybird. I'm a godparent to two girls. The youngest lives only a few miles away, so i try to see her as often as i can (i work fulltime). I see myself as someone who she can hopefully confide in or turn to if she's ever in trouble etc. I suppose the real idea of a godparent is to stear them on the right path - but as i've said to my god daughters mum before, if she ever strays she'll have ME to deal with . The eldest lives a long way from my home so i do try to make every effort to get to her when i can!
Enjoy being a god parent, it really is a wonderful gift

I am godmother to a close friend's daughter (DH is godfather too). We see a lot of her - but that is as much to do with the fact her parents are our close friends and kind of see the relationship as like a neice. Before we had our own dd we would be available for babysitting and 'look out for her'. I hope we will always be there for her. We make a fuss at important times and give her bigger presents than other children we buy for (although also buy equivalent for her little sister but thats just to make it fair). Although obvioulsy its not about presents !

Pre-christening I don't think we did much although I did help out with food for the buffet at the christening. YOu will be pretty much guided at the christening itself as to what to do.

We bought her a charm bracelet and charm for a present with the idea of adding to it on important occasions. The only one we've added so far is when her little sister was born. I intend to get her one when she starts school in September.

One of DD's godparents got me to set up a bank account when she was christened and on her birthday and christmas she adds money to it so she will have a fund when she is 18 to go travelling. I think this is a great idea (probably won't when she is 18 and my PFB goes off to god knows where ). She doesn't put huge amounts in either - £20 ish but it should all mount up by the time she is ready.

just reread my message and the 'looking out for her' is something we will always do not just something we did before we had dd. It reads a bit wrong .

I think its all about love, fun and security. It's also about supporting the parents too. Prehaps a bit of babysitting so they can enjoy being a couple once in a while. My godchildren (the older ones) also know they can approach me confidentially about stuff too, eg for things they might be worried about telling their parents. I'm not particularly religious, and I suppose most of the parents of my godchildren are less so than I am. So I have offered to be a point of reference in that respect if they would like.

Financially, I would love to be in a position to set up trust funds or saving accounts for them but sadly that really isn't possible. Instead, I maybe spend a little extra at birthday and christmas times. I don't why I do it but I try to always send a card which says to my godson/daughter, I think its my way of letting them and their parents know that I'm still here and thinking of them in that respect iyswim.

On the day, the parents would probably appreciate help running the proceedings, catering, entertaining, filling drinks etc. That way they'll probably enjoy the day a bit more. I've lead the toast to the baby before now, where the parents were a little shy about it. But I would talk to them beforehand about that though.

Re presents, I don't go down the conventional route I'm afraid, so you're better off not listening to me. Money's a bit tight so I couldn't give anything spectacular, instead I write poems for the children (cheesy I know), or copy a well known one. I'm a calligrapher and I write the poem and sketch cherub ink drawings around it and then frame it. It's not for everyone, and I've only done it where I think its appropriate (always had a positive reaction though). The most cherished gifts my dc were given on their christening where a personalised silver cup and a ceramic plate, which had their name and date on.

In sumary, I think that the parents would have chosen you because of the person you are and what you do already, so probably carrying on in the same way is all you need to do. I'm proud to have been asked just recently to be godmum to my seventh godchild.

Beety is a good godparent to my children but may not be able to respond this week as she hasnt taken them with her abroad!

Hi earlybird - I am godmother to 2 girls and my DH and I are godparents to 1 little boy - the lttle boy lives quite far away as is still young, so our involvement is mostly birthday and xmas -his mom and dad are traditional parents so we got him an engraved silver cup to commemorate his christening day.
for one little girl (now nearly 5) I bought her a beautiful enamelled 1890's dressing table set of brushes, mirror and comb as I was more after the idea of something with longevity rather than a toy of some description. To that end, the charm bracelet is a good idea as well as a gold cross to be worn on a chain (unless it would offend)
If you do wish to do a "money-based" gift like and account of some description, then I would suggest to check with the parents first as this can sometimes be received somewhat obliquely. (and I do speak iwth some experience here, unfortunately)
I have also explained to parents of said children I will be more useful when the children are older to do sort of "fairy godmother" stuff like high tea treats in London etc. This was importatnt for me to make clear as I have heard too many friends complain about the lack of involvement of godparents in their childrens lives - so it does no harm to make clear what they expect or what you can do.
We also have some good friends who have no children and so have 11 godchildren, some of whom they see a lot and some of whom they are very rarely in contact with - so it all depends on parents, their expectations and the children themselves.
That said, it is a huge honour and we though long and hard before choosing for our DS - and lots of fun!

Ok, ive got 7 Godchildren.
Each and every one is precious to me and very very special.
I feel very honoured and special to have been asked to become God mother.
I dont feel like i do as good a job as i should as i dont really know what is expected of me.
I try to see them as often as i can. I ensure that they know how special to me they are.
Birthdays and xmas i try to get them God child cards.
Im just there i suppose for them should they need me.

My DD sees her godmother twice a week allday, from 9am-4pm when my mum picks her up. She takes an active interest in her life takes her to school, play groups etc.
Buys birthday & xmas presents. She my DD is the daughter she never had, just like her son (my Godson) is the son i haven't had.

I think the main thing is to stay involved and stay available as the children grow older. We are Christians, and our DCs Godparents promised to 'Pray for them, to support us as parents, to take an active role in their lives, and to offer themselves as mentors to the children'.

Staying involved IMO means you need to get to know them, and know what their likes and dislikes etc, not just the odd card (of course this may not always be possible, eg, atm all our DCs Godparents are in Australia and we are here!).

I think its really important for children to have stable, loving adults from outside their imediate family taking an interest in them and being involved in their lives. It helps build they self esteem and broaden their experience, and research suggests it helps children grow into more resilient people.

Oh, there are some lovely thoughts and sentiments here. It's wonderful to hear what an important role a godparent can play in a child's life. It is also valuable to hear about day to day practical involvement, along with a committed and stable emotional presence. Thanks too, for the gift ideas - will really help me as I think about what to do.

(waves to Coolmama - haven't seen you around much lately - or are we simply on different threads?)

my goddaughter is my niece so i am there for her anyway
i have added the date of her christening into my diary and on that day will every year i will take her a card and a gift to celabrate our godmother/goddaughter day
i got my niece/sister for the christening 2 photos on canvas of my niece in her christening dress, all i did was offer to have the baby for the day stuffed the dress in a bag and go to the already booked photo shoot with her, i then went back to veiw the photos and arrange the sizes etc.
then on the christening day i drove to the venue and had them put up onto the wall before carring onto the church
my sister loved the photos and has them in her sitting room.

presents. I think. That's what my friend with god parents seemed to think anyway.

Hi earlybird - have been scarce due to some domestic upheaval ( all good BTW ) but life is slowly settling down again and so am back to see what eveyone's up to.

Our dd's godmother missed her 1st birthday . Her birthday was 2 months before her christening BUT imo she knew that she was to be godmother along with her dp (dh's best friend)..Her dp came to the party BUT due to her having an argument with him she stayed away..imo not fair....In fact I wanted to retract our request of her being one of the gp's BUT felt that I couldn't iykwim.

We see one set regular..every week/few weeks. The other set is usually on certain occasions when we all get together.

Coming a bit late to this thread but:
We chose our children's godparents very carefully as what we want is people who will be there for them as they grow up - take an interest in them, be a listening ear when they think their parents don't understand, maybe have them to stay occasionally when they are older. They are all really good about remembering birthdays, but presents are not the point of it for us - it is something much more important - caring about them, wanting to get to know them as people and having a relationship with someone of another generation that is based on something more than mere genetics.

Shhhh, ds2's baptism was on his 2nd birthday, so we had a joint celebration. One of his godmothers is a very good friend of mine. Don't get me wrong, I really do not think being a godparent is about presents, but all he recieved from her was a birthday card. In fact that's all he's ever had from her. I too question whether I've done the right thing in asking her to be godmother. She's been a great friend to me, but it seems she's not as interested in my ds as perhaps I thought she might have been. Never mind, too late now, good job he's got other godparents.

kinki, I think the same..I agree gifts are not everything BUT I think they are for kids..when babies/toddlers they don't really understand "its the thought that counts etc" and do enjoy gifts.....

We are godparents to our friends ds (they they are dd's) and we never forget birthday and christmas and in fact even get gifts for occasions such as easter..hey ho...I think at that age it nice to spoil them BUT ensure that once at an age they understand, that you make them aware of your role and that you are around if they need you iykwim...

You've all given me a real sense of how to be a good godparent with specific information - thank you. I definitely don't want to be one of those 'where is she' type godmothers! Thank you for suggestions.