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Original poster

Would this annoy anyone else?

28 replies

Pinkchampagne · 27/05/2007 10:04

I have recently moved house & haven't had any spare keys cut yet, but my mum took it upon herself to get herself a key cut while she was looking after DS2 in my house.
I hadn't realised she had done this until I returned home after collecting DS1 from school on Friday & found my door wide open!
I was a bit shocked at myself, thinking I had walked out of my house leaving the door wide open, when I was sure I locked up, but then my mothers face appeared at the door.
I asked how she got in, and she told me she had got herself a key cut while she was looking after DS2 the week before!
This kind of wound me up a little, but I guess I may it shouldn't do, as I suppose she may have thought she needed a spare key for emergencies.
I just feel she should have maybe asked me first!

OP posts:
fryalot · 27/05/2007 10:05

deep breath in, deep breath out...

I would be livid.

But then I would probably concede that she's used her initiative and I would have given her a key when I got around to it anyway.

I would still be livid though.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 27/05/2007 10:06

Should say "I guess maybe it shouldn't do" got distracted by DS's!

OP posts:
Trinityrhino · 27/05/2007 10:06

would annoy me, only polite to ask

Freckle · 27/05/2007 10:08

I'd be furious - especially given how unsupportive she and your dad have been of you over the whole situation.

Do speak to her about how inappropriate it was (do you even want her to have a key??) because it sounds to me as though someone else is trying to gain some control over your life.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 27/05/2007 10:08

If she had asked me first, it wouldn't have bothered me, it was the fact she not only took it upon herself, but that the first I knew of it was coming home to an open front door & then seeing my mothers face!!

OP posts:
Boco · 27/05/2007 10:09

It would have been polite to ask. I guess she's being thoughtful though - but i'd find it a bit intrusive.

Change the locks! That'll learn er.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 27/05/2007 10:12

Lets just say that I wasn't in a hurry to get mum a key cut myself!

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 27/05/2007 10:18

If she'd always had a key, then it would be fine. But I gather this isn't the standard arrangement? If so, I'd be annoyed, yes.

babygrand · 27/05/2007 10:18

If my mother did this, I would get the locks changed.

aDad · 27/05/2007 10:19

of course she should have asked you for one!

berolina · 27/05/2007 10:21

What babygrand said.

NannyL · 27/05/2007 10:29

would annoy me!

Whilst i gave my mum, my dad and my grandparents a key to my house the day i moved, and i have NO problem with them using the keys when i know in advance that they are coming / if i cant be bothered to answer the door etc, i would NOT be happy with them just letting themselves in!
Also they wouldnt dream of just letting themselves in!

Im not possesive about my house.... anyone i know / all my friends are welcome all the time (often my friends have a a key as well for whatever reason) i expect to at least know that they are (or even might) be here!

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 27/05/2007 10:29

She did have a key to our last house, and got that cut off her own back too, but I knew that she had done it straight away last time, this time I knew nothing of it until I came home to her in my house!

Boco - she hasn't been thoughtful with anything else during my house move & I think this is adding to my anger over all this!

OP posts:
Freckle · 27/05/2007 10:34

If she is to keep the key, I think you need to lay down some ground rules, such as she is only to use it when first agreed, e.g. she has collected one of the boys from school and taken them home, or she has agreed to wait in for a delivery or somesuch.

I would make it absolutely clear that she is not to use the key to let herself in whenever she feels like it.

I'm amazed you don't feel more strongly about this. You have fought against ex-H and your parents for so long to have some autonomy over your life and within weeks your mum invades your new sanctuary without any thought as to whether you would want this or not. Do be careful that you don't let your mum start to take over where ex-H left off.

pirategirl · 27/05/2007 10:35

blimey, why didnt she ask you, if you had another key for emergencies. Then to cap it all lets herself in without you even realising she HAD a key.

I would be very angry, thats treating you like a kid.
grr

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 27/05/2007 10:42

I do feel very angry, Freckle, but part of me was wondering if I was being a bit over sensitive due to how I am feeling in general about my parents atm.
I told her that she had frightened me as I didn't know she had a key and I was taken aback to come home to find my door wide open when I remember locking it!
She is away atm & ex H is staying in their house, but I will try to talk to her about all this when she returns. I wanted to check I wasn't being OTT about all this first!
It will probably lead to another major fall out though!

OP posts:
pirategirl · 27/05/2007 10:54

no she's blatantly, without any thought at the outcome, gone and done something which is bound to casue a reaction.

If she truly didnt think it would, then that seems rather naive to me.

di she always have a key before, is it something she just thought was a matter of course??

Even so, its not up to her to get one cut

gawd

evenhope · 27/05/2007 19:22

Would really wind me up too.

FIL had the key to our old house because he used to come and feed the animals while we were away. Then he decided that as he had the key that meant he no longer had to ring the doorbell and several times frightened me to death by "appearing" in my lounge. The last time he did it DH was at work and me and the dcs were all in PJs after a bath

When we moved we deliberately didn't give him another key.

Tinkerbel5 · 28/05/2007 10:55

Firstly she should have asked for a spare key, and secondly she shouldnt have let herself in without you knowing she was going to be there, I would have a polite word

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 28/05/2007 15:29

I have a feeling that mum may have quite a strop with me if I have a polite word, but I can't have her keep letting herself in like that.
I will have to make sure I keep my key in the door when I am in, so she can't just let herself into the house, but I am going to have to pluck up the courage to ask her not to let herself in my house when I'm out again, unless it is an emergency.

OP posts:
Freckle · 28/05/2007 20:15

The alternative is to have an additional lock added to the door and not provide her with a key. That way she can't let herself in unless you have already agreed that she can and, on that occasion, you don't use the additional lock.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 28/05/2007 23:01

Good idea, Freckle!

OP posts:
BreeVanDerCamp · 28/05/2007 23:16

Did you find your keys ???

The ones you left at a soft play area this weekend ??

Such a shame you had to get all the locks replaced.

How bloody, bloody dare she.

Stand up for yourself. Do it now, or you will be replacing one controller with another.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 28/05/2007 23:36

BVDC - are you LGJ??

OP posts:
SpringBunny · 29/05/2007 12:27

If you have just moved in you should probably change the locks anyway - it is a good security precaution as you do not who the previous people gave keys to.

Then you can decide in your own time when and to whom you give keys

I am not sure i would be too annoyed if it was my mother, but having read about yours i WOULD be in those circs

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