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Original poster

Caused a car accident yesterday and have lost all confidence

23 replies

SheenaK · 08/06/2018 10:14

Hi Mumsnet

Yesterday I crashed my car into the side of another car, while pulling out onto a main road. I had looked both ways, as it's a really busy road usually, and truly didn't see the other car. The other driving was fuming until she say me and recognised me - turns out she is my OH's cousin, although I don't know her.

Luckily noone was hurt, but there was damage caused to both cars, and we have agreed that the best route to go is through my insurance. She's been lovely about it all, with all things considered.

I'm still feeling completely terrible about the whole thing though. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and had my DS, who is just over 2 and a half, in the back of the car. I keep thinking about how much worse it could have been, not just for myself and my babies, but for the other driver as well. I keep trying to think back to what happened and I just don't know. I wouldn't have pulled out if I had seen a car on the road, but I don't know how I didn't see her. I'm feeling incredibly stupid and careless.

It hasn't even been three months since I passed my driving test, and now I feel like I've lost the confidence I've only just built. It's like I can't trust my own judgement, and there is just too much at risk. I don't want this incident to put me off driving, and I know it's mostly because it's still fresh in my mind, but I honestly don't want to drive again.

I've been struggling the past few days and feeling pretty miserable with being pregnant, poor sleep, keeping my toddler occupied and the heat, I've had no appetite and because of that I've had no energy.

I'm hoping with time I'll get over it and stop beating myself up, but at the moment I'm my own worst enemy. I just really needed to vent and get it off my chest.

OP posts:

Luxembourgmama · 08/06/2018 10:18

I hate driving i used to be terrified but when i wa s pregnant i went for extra lessons to boost my confidence. Even though i passed my test a few years ago. I'm now Okaaay i'm not nervous anymore altough I don't like it. Could you take extra lessons?

Shadow666 · 08/06/2018 10:19

OP.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Focus on looking after yourself first. Try to eat something, try to get some rest. Accidents happen, try not to be too hard on yourself.

Racecardriver · 08/06/2018 10:23

This was exactly me two weeks ago except that I am not pregnant. Got a bigger car and got back on the road ASAP. No problems now. But I have realised that little black cars are a bitch to spot in sunny weather so I've learned from my mistake and am extra careful in sunny weather now. Also never buying a black car ever.

purplelass · 08/06/2018 10:29

I understand how you feel, but you have to put it behind you - these things happen to us all.

I tell you what though - it'll make you a better driver from now on! Sometimes having a small accident can be a bit of a reality check which will make you more cautious and less likely to have another one.

My advice would be to get back out there with a friend in the car for reassurance if you like, as soon as you can.

EatSleepRantRepeat · 08/06/2018 10:29

Hi OP, glad you're ok! At the end of the day, although it was careless it was an accident. It's ok to feel terrible afterwards, most people would, but don't let it put you off driving. If anything it just means you'll have an extra awareness at junctions like that in future. I've been in various accidents where it's not been my fault, but after the initial shock I've not been angry at those people, because we all make mistakes sometimes.

It sounds like you're having a miserable time at the moment and are a bit shaken up - go easy on yourself, and don't forget there are counselling services available through the nhs and various charities if you're still having negative thoughts when the initial shock has worn off

TheBrilloPad · 08/06/2018 10:32

Perhaps get a dash cam fitted OP? You might find it helps. I liked mine when I was a new driver because there were times when people beeped me/got aggressive and I genuinely couldn't tell what I was doing wrong, and it's so helpful to be able to watch it back with someone who can say "Not your fault at all, the other driver was driving too fast/in the wrong/being a dick" or "Ok, so you probably left it a bit late before turning" etc.

cistersofterfy · 08/06/2018 10:33

If you're sleep deprived and hadn't eaten then your judgment was quite likely impaired by those factors. As an inexperienced driver, it would probably be a good idea not to drive if you have additional things like that going on that affect your judgment BUT because you did then I think you can tell yourself that ordinarily your judgment is completely fine.

Always look each way more than once in case something was hiding in a blind spot the first time (behind the pillar at the edge of your windscreen etc).

Chalk it up to experience and get back in the car quickly before this plays on your mind. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be.

Chairpatiobike · 08/06/2018 10:35

Hi, I am a very good driver! Not trying blow my own trumpet! However when I was pregnant I was awful! I stopped driving until babies were born and I was fine again. I have no idea why but I just couldn't concentrate. I never had an accident but if I had carried on I probably would have.

I would say lack of sleep and no food doesn't help concentration.

Do you need to drive? Could you have a rest from it whilst pregnant?

On the other hand though getting back in the drivers seat straight away may help you to not get afraid over time. Could you go for a short 10 minute drive today? Literally down the road and back again?

Tambien · 08/06/2018 10:41

I’ve had an accident too. Nothing serious (hardly any damage to both the cars BUT my airbag went off). Both dcs in the car too.
I have to say I was shocked and stayed in some sort shock for quite a while. And was apprehensive about driving again despite it being the first accident I’ve had in 25 years of driving.

I think the answer is to get back behind the wheel. I stayed on well known routes to start with and I am still more ‘careful’ than I was before but getting back behind the wheel is what I needed.

Knowing you only had your test not so long ago, maybe also consider getting a few drives it’s a driving instructor just to get some confidence back again. I did that some years and years ago (I had passed my test but then stopped driving for more than a year and didn’t have any confidence I could still drive iyswim) ain’t helped massively.

Original poster

SheenaK · 08/06/2018 11:01

Thanks so much everyone. I've been meaning to get a dash cam for a while now, and I definitely will be buying one asap.

I'm feeling torn about it, I don't want to drive until the baby is born, but at the same time most of the advice I'm getting is to get out driving again asap, because the longer I leave it, the less confident I'll be. Which makes sense! For today at least I think I'm going to hide at home and feel sorry for myself. Feeling mopey :(

OP posts:

Branleuse · 08/06/2018 11:04

get back on the horse as quick as you can. Youll be a bit more nervous for a while, but this will likely make you a more careful driver in the long run.

EatSleepRantRepeat · 08/06/2018 11:41

I see what you mean OP but think about what that means for your first time back behind the wheel, if you wait till the baby's born - potentially both a newborn and your other DC in the back crying/acting up and stressing you out.

If you have a partner or parent, could they sit with your DC at some point this weekend while you go for a relaxed little tootle locally on your own? Even if just to the supermarket or the shops? It will be hopefully less stressful than having to do it because of an emergency / poorly baby etc.

specialsubject · 09/06/2018 12:10

we do all make mistakes although a dashcam is just.another distraction.

go out without the kid to get some confidence back. but driving tired is dangerous and thats the lesson.

Pastaagain78 · 09/06/2018 12:15

If you had a good relationship with your driving instructor and can afford it I would recommend a few extra driving lessons. Not because I think you are a bad driver but to boost your confidence again. It would help to be out driving with support from a professional.

MrsDilber · 09/06/2018 13:11

Please don't give up driving. You are in shock right now. I have a niece who was in an accident and it stopped her driving.

Your life will be so much easier as a driver, your children be able to do so much more as you will have the independence and ease of a car to get them there.

Start with small journeys, even if you keep them small for months, that's ok, just don't stop.

Accidents happen.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 09/06/2018 13:13

Don't stop driving

Keep doing it

It is quite common for new drivers to have a small mishap in the beginning

holasoydora · 09/06/2018 13:21

Hi OP. I have been driving since 1995 with no problems and earlier this year I hit a cyclist (he was fine) which really knocked my confidence. It was a similar situation to yours. He was fine but it really shook me up but I agree that the best thing to do is to put it behind you and get back behind the wheel.

That said, I did decide to also start using the bus where I could, eg for local journeys, so got myself a bus pass which feels very freeing.

holasoydora · 09/06/2018 13:25

PS I think I was quite sleep deprived at the time of my accident. Lack of sleep really affects my driving, so (to slightly contradict myself) I do think it would be absolutely understandable to give yourself a break from driving while you are feeling so heavily pregnant and lacking sleep, as long as it doesn't make you depressed to not be able to go places.

My kids were also in the car and I worried about that at the time but they seem to have forgotten about it and I am no longer a nervous wreck when I get in the car!

AnyFucker · 09/06/2018 13:27

I once drove into the side of a bus

Who the fuck doesn't see a bus ?
Accidents happen. Everybody is ok. Try to move on x

larrygrylls · 09/06/2018 13:29

It is an ‘accident’ because it is out of the ordinary and not foreseeable.

Everyone makes mistakes and loses confidence for a while. The best thing to do is get straight back ‘in the saddle’.

Knittedfairies · 09/06/2018 13:34

A dash cam may not make you a better driver; experience will.

billybagpuss · 09/06/2018 13:37

You made a mistake no one was hurt.

You should however get back out there as you will be better off having your car with DCs and the longer you leave it the more anxious you will get.

Why don’t you look into a pass plus course or just another couple of sessions with an instructor. Not that you need it. You have passed your test of course you can drive but it would maybe give you more confidence.

DeathByGlamour · 09/06/2018 13:38

Have you anyone who could go out with you in the car? If you have a partner/family member who could drive you to somewhere quite so you can get behind the wheel again and build up your confidence? I've had 3 minor accidents in the 17 years I have been driving (2 involving bollards in car parks!) and after each accident I didn't want to drive again. Unfortunately I had to drive so just had to get on the horse so to speak.

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