Neighbouring child wrote on my wall - what would you do?

[Tinker]

Since my daughter started playing out with neighbouring kids, every single mealtime is ruined with constant banging on the door to see if *** is coming out. That's bad enough. But tonight, one child, after being told that x was having her dinner, banged on the door again after about 5 minutes. On going out, daughter found biro writing on the wall in the "hall" saying "I know you are there X".

Now, I didn't see the child do it but I think I recognise her handwriting. I can't accuse her of doing it but I'm pretty sure it was her. I'm just so angry that someone feels that this is an ok thing to do

I don't feel I could have a quiet word with the mother - either the daughter would end up getting battered or I would.

So folks, what would you do/what would you have done?

Thanks

Next time she comes knocking, I'd take her inside and have a quiet word. Explain that "whoever" did this was very wrong and that if you catch anyone doing it again, your daughter will not be allowed to play with that child.

Like the idea Freckle of banning my daughter from playing with this child but, practically, can't see it could work. Actually, she's not a bad child, just a bit sly I think. Although realise you're suggesting this to just to spook this child

I haven't been in this situation, so appreciate I may be completely off the wall with this one, but how about getting some stain devil or paint - whatever is going to get rid of it... wait for the child to visit again and tell her sternly that she can play with dd once she's cleaned up the mess she's responsible for then supervise the cleanup?

I know it'd take a bit of work and time, but then at least she'd be seeing consequences of actions. I don't know how old she is, but I suspect her bravado might only be when no-one is watching...

Do you mean this kid wrote on the wall inside your house- ie on your paint/wallpaper whatever- or outside? Outrageous behaviour either way. If she did do it inside, I would not let her- or any other playing out friends- in next time. Make her stand on the doorstep while you tell her your daughter is unavailable and if she asks to come in tell her why she's not allowed, without accusing her directly. Grrr. i would be furious at this one, I have to say.

Thanks for the suggestions girls. Trouble is, I don't know she did it but I do know as well iyswim. She's denied it to my daughter.

It was the internal wall - have a vestibule so I keep the inner door shut but leave the front door open on the catch since my child is in and out all day. Obviously I will now close it properly when we sit down for a meal.

I would like to confront her because I think she needs to know I know but am a littel worried she'll go and tell her mother and, frankly, I'm scared of the mother. Really, really, really don't want to get into a "you accusing my daughter" row.

I do seem to have delightful child neighbours though. The other week one threw a rock at someone's car who had parked in the street for a few minutes and smashed his back windscrren Again, no-one witnessed it but it was pretty obvious that a child holding a rock and saying "It wasn't me!" was the likely candidate. Parents did nothing

Anyone else?

I would clean it up say nothing but try talking to both the girl and your dd about why things like that should not be done and if you feela angry there are other ways to communicate /deal with it. You are not accusing anyone but are addressing the issue. You should not feel intimidated by the mother alto unless you have proof you can not approach her really.

LOL ks - it was in txtspk

Gothicmama - you're right, I shouldn't be intimidated and I wouldn't be if I saw her do it, just don't think I could discuss the possibilty in this situation.

Yes, firm door slamming when it's mealtimes (have already told one of the other little buggers off for constant banging on the door - she doesn't like me now ) and lots of pointedly loud conversations about how rude it is to write on walls and how I notice EVERYTHING

Wall has now been scrubbed and the paint has come off!

I trust that this is a one-off, but, if you are concerned that children might write on there again, you can buy anti-graffiti paint. Councils use them. Chances are they only come in "council" colours though

tinker, I think you've got it sussed - doors to be slammed shut for mealtimes, telling the children that you are the all seeing eye - sounds good to me.

RE the not crossing the parents: one advantage is that your ds has more than one friend. You could wait till they are all in a group, then confront them about the graffiti, without blaming any one child.

sorry - your dd, not ds!

My friend's dd has drawn on our walls- and is generally fairly destructive. She's lovely but autistic and so it's not something I can do much about. So what I do is remove everything I can find before she comes around - the second time she did it it was my fault as I had left some permanent pens she had found on a previuos visit in the same place- durr! Then we try and keep an eye on her- not always easy as she wants to be alone most of the time in strange houses- certainly doesn't want to be with her brother or with ds2 - who want to be with us. At the moment ds1 is being equally destructive and our house is a mess anyway.

Just an example of an "I can't do anything about it" apprach iyswim.

Maybe you could say your dd can't play because "someone" drew on the wall and as you don't know who it was your dd can't play until you do.

And if she does fess up then praise her for doing so, she will be more likely to tell the truth in the future. I know from personal experience when my mum did this to a friend of mine - even though it was humpteen years ago the mothers attitude sounds like what you are dealing with.