Meeting mother after 7 years - dunno how to handle it!

[bohemianbint]

She's been, to be frank, a shite mother, and is generally referred to as the "egg donor" around these parts. Very long story but I've been brought up by my dad and step-mum (who I call Mum and who is my mum, basically.)

I dunno what happened but 7 years ago while I was travelling the E.D. suddenly ceased to contact me and became really weird. When I got back to England I called her to see what her problem was and she wouldn't tell me. Shortly afterwards she told me never to contact her again or words to that effect.

Obviously I wasn't over the moon about it but I dealt with it by thinking "f*ck you" and got on with my life. I emailed her last year to tell her I was pregnant but she responded in a very odd way (she's probably got a personality disorder or is psychotic) so I left it. EMailed her to tell her when DS was born, no response.

And now suddenly 9 months later she emails and wants to meet up, and I'm going to meet her tomorrow.

I'm not taking DS, a) because it's impractical adn b) I don't think she deserves to meet him at this point, and I absolutely will not have her swanning in and out of his life as she did with me.

I'm just talking to myself out loud really, it's just that I haven't really thougth about how I'm going to handle tomorrow and I'm wondering if maybe I should.

set a time limit of the meet up - or get someone to call your phone so you can leave if you want to. Keep things on your terms.

best wishes xxx

Can I come back to this this evening? (ds's birthday, ILs and godparents due to descend). My situation is/was different, but I've recently started seeing my parents again after a similar-length gap. Bump it up for me please (I might forget otherwise - pg and birthday brain).

bump

Definately go but be guarded, she has hurt you and owes you a big explanation, whatever it is though its no excuse for what she has done to you, your children will also be your children and that includes unconditional love, good luck and be strong

Thanks for the feedback. I think the hardest thing is that because of whatever it is that is wrong with her, she is incapable of seeing what she does and how it affects people. For instance she often says she is sorry but that she doesn't regret what she's done because regret is "negative" and "it's all in the past and to live in the past is pointless", and other pseudo-spiritual type crap. I find it all massively insulting. And I don't really know the best way to deal with soemone who just has no concept of what it is that they do. Or worse, does know but isn't sorry. She also tends to re-write history in her head to suit her as well, and convinces herself that she has nothing to apologise for.

But I know she'll be as nice as pie tomorrow, I had to speak to her briefly to set up meeting and she was like nothing had happened. I find it all very odd and a bit disarming. I don't want to be sucked into being all nicey nicey!

Bumped for Berolina! Really interested to hear what your experience of odd parents is...