The worlds most awkward bestman speech!!!

[Aquababe]

my friend (female) is having to do her dad's best man/woman speech and has asked me for advice/ideas.

she's not very happy about the wedding as he met(etc) his bride whilst he was still married to her dm.
Also the person he's marrying is younger than her and was only 17/8 when they met.

There is no-one else to fob the speech off on
It's possible that her mum may be at the reception. (still in the air)
Also her brand new bf is going to be there

She loves her dad and wants to do him justice.

my advice so far has been to keep it short and sweet, but she has to say something in between "Thank you for coming" and "to the happy couple"

Any help gratefully accepted

Hmmm, tricky one. I'd keep it v short, obviously.

Talk about how it's been a lovely evening, maybe? How nice it is that everyone's come together to celebrate this? (particularly if her mum is there?) She presumably doesn't want to lie, but also doesn't want to say 'this is icky'.

Our best man's speech contained nothing more than a list of things he had been asked not to mention. Done well this can be very funny and avoids any potential embarassment. Those in the know will laugh, the rest will pick up on the more obvious ones.

e.g. Ours included:
shotguns (I was 7 months pg when we got married)
transvestites
Lost weekends in Amsterdam
drink
excessive drink
excessive drink stories with hilarious consequences
Accident and Emergency rooms following excessive drink stories with hilarious consequences
etc

The list went on for some time and I suspect (or hope) that half of it was completly made up. He did it all in a droll tone of voice (think Rowan Atkinson's reading out the class register sketch) and followed it up with "Thank you for coming and congratualtions"

I've been reading a book called overheard in Dublin.com

Now whether this tale is true or urban myth I can't say but supposedly while a best man was thanking the bridesmaids as is part requirement, he told them they were all looking very beautiful, when seemingly some smart arse roared from the back, "Shoulda gone to specsavers!"

She's got a gift of an opener in how unusual a "best man" she is.

The best best-man speeches I've heard are the ones which give the people at the wedding who don't know the groom a really vivid lively introduction to who he is. I would have thought a daughter could do a fantastic job of that - "you all know XXX as a colleague/pub-quiz mate/whatever ... well let me tell you what he's like as My Dad" - and if she's very fond of him and wants to do him justice there'd be loads of things to say there. Two or three stories and there you go.

(The "intro to the groom" thing was done wonderfully by one of my brothers (who are twins) for the other - BestManBrother managed to dig out GroomBrother's diary from when GB was about 8, and at that time very very pious and Serious (BMB on other hand was not at all a serious little boy). BMB read selected bits out - you can imagine the effect.)