This is a long post, so please bare with me. My husband and I are separating, relatively amicably. I say that because the arrangements financially are and our children are old enough to decide on living arrangements. However, I'm really struggling with my husbands accusations. He's been a heavy drinker for years and works (a lot) from home. I've worked full time for many years. Now I do shift work, but I previously worked 9 - 5, where I'd frequently come home to find him drunk. He never drank socially and never really left the house. It often led to arguments. What is clear is I was deeply unhappy. I've been accused of all sorts which isn't true. He accuses me of being a liar, is very concerned about what I say to people, eg about who ended the relationship (I think most people realise long term relationships ending aren't just black and white). He says I have been very critical towards him (maybe I have been). It's mainly about housework that isn't done properly - I do get frustrated as you can't just put a wash on at any temperature. There are times when he has been pretty horrible to me. He accuses me of twisting the truth (I really don't think I do), denies things have happened when they have, but says I am lying, it hasn't happened and now says I have been gaslighting him. I know one thing he categorically denies, but definitely happened (although have no proof, it was a very hurtful thing to do, to try and get to admit to cheating, which I hadn't some years ago). I did say, if he really thought he was suffering from domestic abuse to contact a helpline, but he continues to just point the finger and throw accusations at me. He did throw me out and end an unhealthy relationship, but he seems hellbent on trying to prove I am not the 'sweet innocent victim' people think I am, that I am actually a liar, manipulative etc. One thing was to publish a website to prove I was lying, although he says he would never have done that. I just don't know how to handle it.