how do you tell a 6yr old his granddad is dying and isnt expected to make it past the weekend?????

[WelshMum23]

my grandfather has been back and fore the hospital on kidney dialysis for about 8 months he has been in hospital permanetly now for about a month and 2 weeks ago we was told he also has stomach cancer they said if he ate and put on weight he could have chemo n come home only ive just had a phone call off my mother saying that the doctor just rang and has said he only has a few days left he doesnt want his great grandchildren seeing him the way is is because he looks really thin n ill although he has asked for me, my sister and my brothers as we're all over 13 to visit tomorrow for the last time i need to tell my son whose 6 tonight incase there is anything he wanted to say to him before he goes but how do i explain it to him im to upset to think and this post has taken me half hr to write because im crying so much

any help would be grateful xx

p.s i never told my son about grandfather being on dialysis as we didnt think it was to bad at first and we thought he was getting better also my auntie my grandfathers daughter died 19 months ago from stomach and we didnt tell him until after but he didnt understand as he was only 4

{{{{{Hugs}}}}

DOes he know anything is wrong with g-dad?

I would just go with G-dad is very ill and when epeople are old and very ill they don't always get better.

Just tell him that he has become too poorly for the doctors to help him. Tell him that you are going to give him kisses and hugs and is there anything else he wants you to do. Someone once posted on here on a smilair thread about using a sock over your hand to explain how the soul leaves the body behind which i thought was a good visual way to show a child. It will be hard but ime kids take it much better than adults as they don' always understand the finality of it. Hope it goes ok.

I was 6 when my Grandfather died so I really empathise with your situation.

It is hard to give advice as I don't know what your ds knows about death or what concepts he has of what happens after death. But I guess just discussing how ill Grandad is and then explaining that it is likely that he won't see him again and Grandad might have to go .......? Do you have anyone around that can help you have the discussion? Just thinking that if you are really really crying that might scare your ds a little. It would be really good to admit that you are feeling sad that Grandad won't be around anymore and then ask them how it makes them feel.

Don't be surprised if you don't get much of a reaction and then get lots of afterthoughts later.

Sorry I don't think this is much help having read it again but I think you need to be undramatic, matter-of-fact and honest without scaring your ds. I really wish you well.

SOrry to hear about your grandfather....we had a similar experience, although the children were taken into see their great grandfather, only 2 mins he asked them about school and then said he was really tired so would they mind letting him rest. He just wanted to see them a last time, he didn't look well either but the visit was so fleeting they didn't notice.

We had warned them before we went that he was very ill. After the visit we explained he was going to be going to Great Gran in heaven as he loved her so much (she had died 5 days earlier) and they seemed to take a bit of comfort in that. The youngest was 4 and oldest was 10.

This may help.

WATERBUGS AND DRAGONFLIES

(A Parable of Death As A Transition To A Better Afterlife)

by Doris Stickney
Pilgrim Press, 1982 New York (ISBN - 0829806091)

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft muc on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?" Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return. "That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second water bug. "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third. No one had the answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise," they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water, and fallen onto the broad, green pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings. The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly.

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by, the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were, scurrying about, just as he had been doing some time before. Then the dragonfly remembered the promise: "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why."

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water. "I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least I tried, but I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies, too. Then they'll understand what happened to me, and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful world of sun and air!

hope/strength/love