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Original poster

What do I say at my brother's wedding?

16 replies

allatsea · 10/05/2007 03:46

My brother's getting married on Friday, this wouldn't be such a big deal (well, bigger than it already is), but our parents recently died, so as well as sister of the groom, one of the bridesmaids I am the only immediate member of the family who will be there. I need some inspiration for what I will say to the bride immediately after the wedding - you know, the time when the groom's mother is meant to say something to the bride and groom. I am really happy for them both, but I need some very well chosen words - help please

OP posts:
eidsvold · 10/05/2007 04:20

what about finding a blessing or something you can share with them... then just add a few words of well wishes... something about how your parents would have felt ie. how proud they would be of your brother on this day and how you know they are looking out for you all. SOmething like that??, welcome her to the family??

SittingBull · 10/05/2007 04:52

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
allatsea · 10/05/2007 12:09

Thanks eidsvold -
this is just a few private words to share with my brother and his new wife. When my brother was married for the first time his wife was very upset that my parents didn't say anything to her at the wedding, so I want to get this right

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MrsBadger · 10/05/2007 12:11

I'd just hug her and say 'welcome to the family'.
Anything more formal or prepared could get stilted and awkward and that's the last thing you want.

HerculesMorse · 10/05/2007 12:13

Welcome to the family. I am glad (brother) has found someone as special as you to share his life with.

Original poster
allatsea · 10/05/2007 15:33

these suggestions are really helpful. Without Mum and Dad there, I can't afford to muck it up, and there's a fine line between saying the right thing and it not being too over-worked. My children are part of the wedding party too, so I have to work it out in advance, or I'll be too exhausted to do so on the day

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vimfuego · 10/05/2007 15:41

I was at a wedding where the groom's parents had both killed themselves the previous year (seperately, the mother did it first and then the father followed, it awful).

The father of the bride made the tribute. It was very moving. He said something like "there have been a lot of sad days recently but this is a day to be happy".

Original poster
allatsea · 10/05/2007 16:35

That's a lovely gesture. I met the father of the bride for the first time on Tuesday. We've travelled to Candada from England for the wedding, the family are Filipino, and none but the bride even met mum and dad. It is so hard that such a joyful event is tinged with so much sadness

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vimfuego · 11/05/2007 13:04

Best of luck.

Original poster
allatsea · 11/05/2007 15:23

Thanks for your suggestions, I've come up with this ...
I'm finding it quite hard to put into words just how happy I am for both of you today.
You have both had to work so hard and for so long to reach this perfect point. Throughout this time, I've never known you to make any complaint about any problems you face or to fail to look forward at the wonders and possible trials on the road ahead. That you have done this when life has been just so hard recently is an extraordinary testament to you both individually and to your devotion to each other. That you have done this so selflessly, with such enormous thought for others is quite overwhelming.
I wish you every happiness, now, in the future and forever

Too cringy, or ok?

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Laudaud · 11/05/2007 15:35

personally I'd do what MrsBadger suggests. Keep it simple and heartfelt - just make both your brother and his wife know that you are happy to have them as part of your family and want them to be happy.

What you have written is lovely but sounds a bit rehearsed and will be difficult to remember - well I'd find it hard to anyway.

Good luck and have a lovely day.

LieselVentouse · 11/05/2007 15:38

I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.

Laudaud · 11/05/2007 15:44

How about putting in writing in a nice card what you want to say to them and then on the day present them with this, welcome her to the family, tell them how happy you are for them and that you have put in writing some feelings and thoughts you want to share with them.

Pixiefish · 11/05/2007 15:46

that's lovely allatsea

Original poster
allatsea · 12/05/2007 05:48

OK, so I've just got back from the wedding (it;s in N America hence time delay). I followed your advice, kept it nice and simple at the church and wrote the more expansive passage in a card. I was happily working my way through dinner when one of the other bridesmaids said that it was customary for a member of the groom's family to speak. I checked this with my brother and he confirmed that it was the case. I then had under 5 minutes! I asked people around for words to describe him, said what a great big brother he had been, and thatt our parents never said that they were proud. We were told that we had to make correct decisions and that then we could be happy. I told my brother that M & D would have agreed that he had made the correct decision and that now he and his wife should be happy.
I thought that it was good for a few minutes notice. And my brother didn't find the day too sad, - mission accomplished then I suppose

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Laudaud · 12/05/2007 14:34

well done. Glad it all went well.

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