Is this rational thinking or am I loosing the plot.......................!!!

[jmg1]

I have no family, no friends.
I have three children and two dogs. I am trying to look after the children + run my own business, I cannot do a good job of raising the children and runing the business on my own.

I feel that my life is effectively over and I should say f**k the business, buy a house in Italy, get the children into a decent school, learn Italian, learn to cook, focus on the children and spend the evening's sitting on my terrace gazing at the fine view of the hills.

Part of 'my logic' is that I cannot be any more unhappy and lonely than I am now!

Is this the type of dream one has before going mad?

In short - stop worrying about moving to Italy - start worrying about what you need to pack

sorry to hear about your situation jmg1. If you can afford to support your family and lifestyle if you move to Italy, I say go ahead and try it! I have seen on other threads that you have been contemplating a move to Italy for a while, so it is not an idle whim of the moment. You can always come back here if it doesn't work out. I think it is far better to risk regretting what you have done, than to hanker after what you haven't done. Personally I love Italy (so of course am biased) but think in many ways it is a better, healthier more family oriented society to bring up children than the UK. A change in territory will either be a roaring success, or make you realise that you prefer to be back in the UK. I definitely don't think dreaming of a life in Italy is a sign of insanity - look at the number of people making lives for themselves in France/Spain/Italy etc. I do tend to think it is a sign of insanity when people with no experience of the country/farming and that don't speak the language decide to go off to France/Spain/Italy and farm, but maybe I am just a conventional wuss!

best of luck with whatever you decide

I think that part of the problem is, is that you have so much to focus on that you don't know where to begin, so it can become overwhelming, and that in itself is enough to make you feel unable to do anything.

What is the main problem that springs into your mind when you think about it? I would decide which is the most pressing and concentrate on that. Moving to Italy could be good, but is there a reason why it has to be right now? I think you put yourself under extra unnecessary pressure by feeling everything has to happen straight away. Take time and find a place that is right for you. Don't get stressed if it doesn't happen in the next few weeks or months, just know that when the right place comes up you will be able to take it.

If you can afford for work to take a back burner then let it. Spend some time doing stuff you want to do, with or without the kids, even if that means doing nothing.

Tbh if you really feel like your life is over (with which i disagree), then whereever you move to is not going to make it better. The same problems and feelings will move with you. What you should concentrate on (imo) is getting yourself out of this huge depression that you are in, and then decide if you want to stay or go.

You are a good dad, which I am sure you have been told before. You might feel like you are not, but I bet there are many people who would back me up.

I can't help with family. Sometimes I think we are better off without them tbh. As for friends, well you know we only live a few miles away. Dh is always up for a pint, and I'm always temptable for a night on the tiles . I've told you before you can always call for a chat. You should take advantage of the friendly ears and shoulders sometimes you know.

I feel like I shouldn't post here as I don't know you very well JMG1. Lou and Beetroot are both so right. I just saw your other post for a swap. Your sadness is coming throughit would be wonderful if you could somehow view this awful time as something positive to get you moving in a directionan emotional direction, not necessarily a physical direction. If you can't stand the thought of counseling or are not sure if you are "depressed" (as I don't really know you at all), try at least to nuture yourself right now. Having a massage once a week, going for osteo-cranio therapy, something soothing that you enjoy doing (golf, sailing, etc.) all of these things can help you to shift your perspective a bit so that your choices are not made out of "distress". Take advantage of Lou's offer, I do believe you have friends here. I am in the states, so I can't offer! And I get so addicted to Mumsnet that I try not to log in too much! Sending positive thoughts your way...

jmg - best I had better bow out as I guess I don't know enough of the background - best of luck to you whatever you decide

take care

particulary as I can't seem to string a coherent sentence together atm should of course have said "guess I had better bow out"

MummytoStevennot knowing the situation didn't stop me as you can see! Your post and Wobbly's were fine too, I didn't mean to exclude a complimentJMG1 will sort it out and sorry if I offended.

jmg - you seriously do have friends though, especially lou, and if you ever need a chat you know where I am.

sunchowder - certainly not offended by your post - more that reading Lou's post made me realise that maybe there was something I was missing IYSWIM

Thanks MTS--I am too senstive most of the time! Quite the anxious one I am!

message withdrawn

I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice about whether something is mad or not. I just wanted to say welcome back to MN - and don't underestimate just how many friends you now have.

coppertop - you should know about doing mad things IMO!!!

Agree with all the advice about not doing anything too quickly - you should definitely start a course to learn Italian like you were talking about and carry on looking for places in Italy (you will find one, it just takes time) but don't push yourself to do everything NOW.

But in the end, if it is what you want to do and you are able to do it, don't let anything hold you back.

jmg -does it have to be Italy? I've just been looking up a website that deals with cottages to rent (long term) on the estates of big country houses/stately homes all round England (read about it in this week's Sunday Times). If you sold your London houses and moved out to a village in Yorkshire or Oxfordshire you'd make loads of friends and could live relatively cheaply on the proceeds of the house sale (rent about £550 pcm on the Castle Howard estate), spend lots of time with the kids, cook to your heart's content and maybe even keep going with the business?

Forgive me adding my bit when I know nothing about your situation (am only gathering from Lou's post that you're a dad). I would so love to do this myself, but am caught by millions of ties, so I'm thrusting my thwarted dreams onto you....

The website address is www.treasurehouses.co.uk - just incase you could be tempted to look.

jmg1 - have read your posts over the months, so know your situation. About 7 years ago, my life was slowly falling apart in almost every area. I felt desperate to sort it out, but had no idea where to begin. I had little support in real life too. It was depressing and scary and overwhelming.

I made the crucial decision that I was looking for a long term solution that would REALLY change how I lived my life. I entered into psychotherapy quite intensively, and it has made a huge difference for me. The changes have been very gradual - and I must admit to some frustration that there wasn't a quicker/easier "fix". But, I can say that it is absolutely the best thing I have ever done for myself.

It is a big commitment in terms of time and money, but it's worth it, worth it, worth it. If you have a good analyst, they will teach you how to think differently, they will help you to see self defeating patterns and behaviours, and will help you understand how you can react differently in situations so you don't keep getting different versions of the same results. I would completely recommend it.

You've got an awful lot on your plate with the kids, your business and your life history (if I can be so presumptuous to make that sort of comment). It's not surprising that everything gets on top of you. Going to Italy might be wonderful, but as someone else said it could also be hugely isolating and stressful - and you'll take your own personal demons with you. If you want to contact me via mumsnet, I can give you a few names of analysts in London - who perhaps can refer you to someone in your area. Best of luck, and keep posting. We're all pulling for you.