School Gate Etiquette - please be honest

[bushpig]

Hi I'm new. Really recently arrived in Sth of England from Wales, and child starts reception in Sept.

My problem is, how should I behave to other parents (selfishly not yet worried about my child) My instinct is to greet all the other parents I recognise already from various open days, but an acquaintance here said she felt it was not "done".

Please, please tell me. I'm scared I'll grin endlessly at people and end up feeling I've been too friendly, however the opposite, being thought unfriendly is also a worry.

My partner thinks its false to pretend that parents of kids in the same class are some kind of
community

Hi Bushpig,
I think you could be worrying unduly here! Personally, I think it is just good manners to greet parents you know: you don't have to grin like a lunatic, but a friendly smile and a hello would be the very least I would expect!! You already have a great conversation opener in that the parents you will meet have kids of a similar age, are probably going through the same kind of stuff with their kids as you are with yours etc. Because you have something in common, it should not be too difficult to start up a conversation with them.

I think its like any other situation, where you will undoubtedly come across some mums you 'take to' more than others. Perhaps as you are new to the area, you could ask advice about the best place to buy .... or places to take the kids on a rainy day. The opportunities are endless.

As for your aquaintance saying that it was 'not done' to be friendly at the school gate, I find this absolutely bizzare! Why be snooty when you can be open, friendly and probably get to meet loads of nice people into the bargain !! Good luck

I'd go for a low key smile and a friendly hello and see what happens. Move onto "I recognise you from..." or "My child's in reception too"

Don't expect all out friendship right away but it doesn't hurt to be friendly! I would be upset if someone I recognised didn't at least smile at me.

I'm sure there will be other new parents to the school in September who will feel just as nervous as you. You could always break the ice by asking 'is this where we wait' or talking about how quiet it has been at home without your child. I'm sure you will recognise some of your neighbours when you actually get there. I threw myself into the Parents and Friends association to meet more people when DS1 first started school and I didn't know anyone.

What bizarre advice from your friend! My ds starts school in Sept too and I don't really know anyone either.
So far I've smiled at anyone I've passed in the playground and while waiting for ds to come out I've made an effort to chat along the lines of "how's your daughter getting on at these visit days?". How anyone could possibly object to that I don't know. But then maybe they all think I'm a gurning simpleton who hasn't worked out the form

I agree, it's a good opportunity to say that you're new and do they know where the best wine bars/strip clubs are? (JOKE) Good luck settling in.

Crikey - this thread has got me worried! My DS is only one but we were invited, by a neighbour, to attend the local school sports day today - I know quite a few people by sight so I just bounded up in my usual manner & said hello, got chatting, got roped into one or two more events - fund-raising etc - am I too pushy?

On a serious note - I have an aquaintance who often says she has no friends, she too was at the sports day but I noticed did not move from her seat, spoke to no one (except me) ......... does this tell you anything?

Yes definitely greet the Mums in your child's class. Join the PTA too and you'll hopefully meet some new friends. R