When did your child first sleep over at a friend's house?

[Ghosty]

My DS has stayed at my mum's without me, lots of times. And my sister's house ... the first time was when he was 3 months old and DH took me away for a night as a 30th birthday treat.
I have a very close friend here in NZ who has had him to stay the night a couple of times in a babysitting capacity (DH and I had a work do to go to ...). I know her well, we work together, I know her husband (DH and him play golf together) and son is my DS's 'bestest' friend. Her DS has also stayed over with us one night.
SO ... DS has a Kindy friend whose mum I have a reciprocal arrangement with that works very well - Her DS comes here one afternoon a week after kindy and mine goes over there one afternoon a week - it gives us both a break and a chance to spend some 'quality' time with our babies.
BUT She keeps asking if DS can come and sleep over and for some reason I feel very hesitant to say yes. DS would love it, it would give us a bit of a break as DS tends to wake up very early ... I have met her husband (seems nice enough) ... but I just don't feel comfortable about it ...
Am I being silly?
Should I let him stay over?
What age did your child start going to 'sleep overs' with their friends as opposed to someone you regard as family?
And ... what should I say to her when she keeps on asking, without offending????
Thanks very much ...
G xx
PS ... DS is 4 years and 8 months old

Go on instinct, if you don't feel it's right don't do it, my ds was 4-5 when he firt stayed with my best friend and her kids, this was sort of for babysitting but I knew her very well and she lived right across the road from me too. Her husband worked in youth social services residential so had very high clearance to work with kids. Also he was working nights so wasn't there anyway!
Ds really loved it. Since then it is more us having his friends over here than him going...

I would go with your instinct too.

My dd is 3.5 and has slept at nanas a few times but nowhere else. I DREAD this kind of thing coming up and i don't want her to sleep out at all really, (well not till she's ALOT older).

It does just terrify me, i won't let her sleep at my sisters as i don't know her boyfreind (she changes them very often and i don't get to know them alot) so i definately wouldn't let her sleep at a relative strangers!

I imagine you'll get lots of differing responses but there is mine

I'd just explain to this lady that you have only ever allowed him to stay with family and aren't yet comfortable with him sleeping out.

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But Yorkiegirl ... how well do you know the family?
I have 'known' the mum since DS started Kindy when he was 3 and a half but we didn't start chatting properly until DD was born (in February). We made an arrangement for coffee and it was only then that her DS and my DS became friends. I really know nothing about them, I have met the Dad a couple of times when he has come to pick up his DS. They are probably very very absolutely fine but there is just this niggle ...

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My DD1 had her "1st" sleepover when she was 4 - she went to my friends house with her kids. I have known my friend and her husband for almost 30 years - went to same infant/junior and secondary schools - infact the husband and I both started school in same class on same day!

So obviously, no hesitations about her going then. Now she's coming up for 9, she's had several children staying here (mainly children of parents I know well) and vice verse.

My younger 2 are 6 and 4 - and they've never stayed at friends houses. Wouldn't be that keen for my 4yo to stay with nursery/school friends houses TBH.

Thanks all ...
I think I will have a bit of a chat with the mum and just say that I am not ready for DS to spend the night away yet and hope that she will understand. DS was at their house this afternoon and she rang up to offer to keep him for the night but I said that because of DS' cough I didn't think it was a good idea.
Yorkie, I did think of having her DS come to stay first but then I thought that if I did that then I would have to let DS go even if I didn't want him too.
I am probably a neurotic mother aren't I?

I don't think you're neurotic at all. If you're not happy about it, you're not happy about it. DS (3y) goes overnight to both grandmas loads, he's stayed with some very old friends of ours overnight and we've had other friends stay over here with him once or twice (makes us sound like we're out all the time! I wish lol). But SIL keeps asking if he can come and stay with them and I won't let him - she and BIL have totally forgotten about how you have to watch young children all the time (their kids are older) - they have no gate on their back garden, a pond and live near a main road, and like I say, they're just a bit lax. So I keep saying no - I've been going with a white lie of how he was fine at the old friends' house right up till bedtime, then really upset. Ok, so that's not so much a white lie as a total lie, but it works!

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