I'm a (very) regular MNer but I've changed my name for this. Mainly because some of my family know I post on here and what my nickname is. I don't want them to know I'm airing our dirty linen in public, so to speak, but I really need a place to get my feelings out. I've deliberated for a few days as to whether to post or not...but what the hell, eh?
My brother has been through a really shtty time of late. He split up with his wife - long story - but basically he loved her, she didn't love him, they got massively into debt, she decided to shg his best friend (less than 12 months into the marriage). It was a big, horrible mess. She stayed in the marital home 'til he bought her out. On the day he moved back in he found she had trashed the place - it would have been a good candidate for Kim and Aggie, then the House Doctor. He has worked damn hard to get the house nice again, sort his debts out (she walked away with everything, leaving him with all the debts - he was so devastated he didn't contest this). Their divorce came through at the beginning of the year.
She pitched up on his doorstep 2 months ago (they have stayed in touch, don't ask me why) - very upset. Turned out she was pregnant. Some bloke at work. My brother listened to her, held her hand, made cups of tea. She decided she would have a termination. He took time off work to go with her. He said he sat in the hospital and felt that all the nurses were looking at him and judging him and he wanted to say "it's not mine. She wouldn't have one with me." He said to me afterwards that it was so ironic, because she sat on the settee, in what was their marital home, and said she was pregnant. And he thought of all the times he had imagined her sitting there and saying it and how over the moon he would have been (he was desperate for kids).
Anyway (said it was long). That was 2 months ago and finally, finally, things seemed to be looking up. He got a big promotion at work - which will involve moving away. Although we (me and family) are sad about the move, my Mum and I have secretly said it is a good opportunity for him to distance himself from his ex-wife - a new start. although nervous, he is really delighted to have got the new job.
He found out he'd got the job last Friday. On Monday he got a phone call at work. A girl he had a one-night stand with on a drunken works do. She is 9 weeks pregnant. She's keeping it. He met her this weekend to talk - she is older than him (mid 30s), and he knew her vaguely from work though she has subsequently left. He is absolutely devastated. She says she doesn't want anything from him - though is happy for him to be involved if he wants to be. He hardly knows her but says she is a "nice girl."
I am just so sad. At first I was so angry (like..stupid bl*dy idiot, has he never heard of condoms? She said she was on the pill). My Mum is heartbroken - and I'm mad at him for putting her (and my Dad) through yet more sht. They are neither of them in the best of health and they have already helped him with his (massive) debts and to sort out his house. But as it sinks in I am less angry and just sad. I found myself filling up in a shop the other day as I queued up next to the New Baby cards. It's so weird to think of there being a baby out there and the likelihood is I won't know it at all. I mean, he's a plonker but he's my brother and I love him - and he would make a great dad but not like this. It sounds like something off Trisha doesn't it, and we are not like that - we are just an ordinary family.
Everything is up to her - whether he sees the baby or not, whether she takes him to the cleaners financially, if she gets married at some point where will he stand. What a bl**dy mess. Lord, I don't even know whether to post this or not. I just feel I need somewhere to blurt it all out. I hope she's not a MNer.
Sorry it's so long. Am going to sit now for a minute and decide whether to press the create converstion button or not.