Inability to feel happy?

[youvegottobekidding]

I don't really know how to explain this, but here goes!

I don't think I'm depressed. Been there before & it's not the same feeling. I don't think it's feeling 'fed up' either. Basically I just seem to go from day to day, doing whatever needs to be done, without feeling any happiness or lust for life. I don't really have any hobbies or passions. Okay, so I've been feeling pretty ill for a couple of weeks (Flu/toothache/blocked sinuses) but even before that, I've never felt happy.

I'm grateful for what I have. A family, 2 kids who I absolutely adore, a husband who is very loyal & hardworking.

My brother died suddenly when I was 18, while I was dealing with my grief, I had to witness my parents grief, my dad didn't cope very well at all, he wasn't working at the time, so unlike my mum, had nothing to occupy his mind. I never truly understood or appreciated what their grief meant until I became a parent myself.

I was bullied at school. Picked on because of my face being so wide & flat. It's stayed with me throughout - I dispise my face. I always wish I looked like someone else.

I just wish i could feel happier about life. About myself. Does anyone else reasonate with this?

you can find suitable hairstyle for your face.
there are celebrities who do the same.
you have to have a goal.
are you truly happy in your marriage?

I can't imagine not being married to my OH. We've had our differences, we've always remained loyal to each other. Whenever we visit my sil, she's super bubbly, happy go lucky person, always laughing, I can't imagine she'd ever feel insecure about herself. I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, but it's hard not to. She seems to have it all, fantastic personality, very close, big family, extremely good looks, lots of friends. Everything I haven't. I know this sounds really really stupid but when we do visit, my dd & her dd take the piss out me, because of my face, so it takes me straight back to those school days, even after all these years. I know deep down dd loves me & she wouldn't do or say anything to hurt me, they're only joking around. I just have to pretend to laugh it off. Silly old ugly me. Or I could be just be feeling 100 times worse cos I'm poorly.

when you are poorly you can get depressed.
how about when you get well you go to a good hairdresser?

and a good make up?

I had my hair done a couple of weeks ago, it's kind of inbetween stage, it needs lightening a bit more, I admit it's doing my head in but I've just got to be patient. Style wise, I reckon I can't really do anything else with it, I definitely can't go short - I'd look horrendous!

Make up wise, yeah I do make an effort, I wear the basics for work but I don't really go anywhere else so no need to do a full face for anything.

We've actually booked a holiday abroad this year, the first one in a very long time. I haven't told anyone yet! I am looking forward to it, but that's the thing, why aren't I getting so giddy about it, I should be!

Although I feel like this, I try my best to hide it from the kids - the very last thing I want is for them to feel any negativity about life or about their mum, I try my best to be a fun mum, I know I'm not all the time. They're great kids, I'm proud of them. It's a testing time with a teenage daughter, but I know it's her age! Ds is a bit younger, he's like my best buddy, we love to watch tv & movies together.

I know just how you feel. Flat and empty inside. No moments of lightness and joy. I think grief changes you as a person. I don't have the answer I'm afraid but you're not alone. As an aside, I think you should talk to your daughter about being kinder and not mocking people (and you) about their looks.