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Original poster

Driving anxiety - new to driving, aged 31

10 replies

Frokni · 21/01/2018 11:29

Hi guys,

I have recently started a new job, got a new baby and finally got my first car. I am finding it hard to get in the car and drive confidently. I passed first time about 6 months ago and drove okay in mum's automatic but find myself in my first ever lovely manual car being anxious about my driving. To be point where I don't even drive myself to work, I get taxis instead or the bus which is silly.

I know why I have some of the anxiety: leaving baby for first time, 3 year old very aware of mummy now working away from home, financially been a tough last year and things are getting back on track only to be losing money each month to Hire Purchase fees.

Anyway, I also know some of it is to do with driving with my kids in the car, I really dress taking them with me as I am already anxious.

Does anyone have any tips please?

Thanks in advance
X

OP posts:
Original poster
Frokni · 21/01/2018 11:29

*dread not dress

OP posts:
FarmerSee · 21/01/2018 11:44

I totally understand driving anxiety. I suffer with it too. It started after I passed my test and found myself in the car alone - no supervision from an instructor. I felt like I was in charge of a deadly weapon and would eat myself up with intrusive thoughts of "But what if I kill someone?!!"

I barely drive at all really, only very shirt journeys. Then I had a baby and the anxiety got even worse then. What if I killed the most precious thing in my life?! Eventually I stopped driving altogether and sold the car.

However, my son then started reception at my first choice of schools, which us not in easy walking distance. I HAD to get a car if I wanted him to go to this school. So in the summer hols I got a car and made plans to drive somewhere with my DS in the car at least once every day. I started off with little trips to Tesco down the road and gradually increased the distance.

Exposure therapy. The more you do It, the more you learn to relax. Don't give in to the fear no matter how much it's trying to hold you back. Start off slowly and gradually build up the distance. Then when you feel the anxiety has eased enough start to drive yourself to work. Maybe just one day a week, and then build it up.

I'm by no means totally confident myself yet, I've only been back behind the wheel for 5 months and I'm still yet to take myself further out of the borough I live in. I also still need to build the confidence to go on a motorway - this fills me with utter dread. But Im determined I'll manage it sometime this year!

Good luck Flowers

FarmerSee · 21/01/2018 11:47

  • I barely DROVE at all, only SHORT journeys

  • which IS not WITHIN easy walking distance

ObscuredbyFog · 21/01/2018 11:49

You have to concentrate a lot more on actually keeping the car going faster and slowing in a manual because you're gear-changing than you do in an auto. Why don't you trade the manual for an auto?

If that's not an option, get someone to look after the children and get out in your car for an hour every day for a month so gear-changing becomes second nature.

BelfastSmile · 21/01/2018 11:53

I had spells of this, although unlike @FarmerSee, I was better when I didn't have the instructor there - I liked being able to go at my own pace.

Just keep trying. Try to get into the car at least every couple of days, and drive somewhere you know well, and feel safe. Gradually go further, and more frequently. Sunday mornings are good to start with, as the roads are so quiet.

This time of year is hard, because it's dark and the roads are often wet or even icy. You may well find that you are more confident come the Spring, so take that chance to get out and practice.

Honestly, it will get better in time. I quite like driving now, and am happy to do things like motorways, big scary roundabouts, new places, and even snow. I wouldn't particularly choose to go out driving, but I don't give it a second thought if I need to do it.

FarmerSee · 21/01/2018 12:04

Oh, I also changed to am auto car. It really took some of the pressure off because I also had a lot of anxiety built up around stalling the car... which happened often because the more I became anxious, the more Id physically shake and I'd lose clutch control. It was a vicious cycle. Changing to an auto eliminated this and really helped me to focus better

user1473069303 · 21/01/2018 16:17

You have my sympathies. It's something I've been struggling with for three years and I still haven't dared take my test! I agree that exposure therapy is the way to go. If you go for too long without driving then it will become even more insurmountable in your mind. I just force myself to drive now, instead of finding excuses. The other day I did a 300-mile round trip involving several shit-yer-pants scenarios (which weren't actually that bad in reality!) and have been on a high ever since. Maybe try practicing your regular routes during quiet periods? You just need to keep chipping away at that fear!

Original poster
Frokni · 21/01/2018 19:25

Thanks so much for the reassurance guys! Exposure therapy seems like the best option. I do wish I could change to an auto but I am on Hire Purchase so it's not going to be easy, just even more stress I feel.

I am gonna try and drive tomorrow and leave for work a bit earlier me thinks. It is getting to the point where I am talking myself out of ever getting in the car again I feel.

Thanks so much again peeps x

OP posts:
FarmerSee · 21/01/2018 20:00

You can do it OP. Don't listen to that evil little voice that's trying to talk you out of it. It wants you to fail - prove it wrong!

Good luck for tomorrow, you'll be great Smile

Original poster
Frokni · 21/01/2018 21:49

Thanks farmersee thems encouraging words! X

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