So shocked by my friend...

[emkana]

I need to talk to somebody about this, and here is the only place I can, as I have been sworn to secrecy - but I'm just so shocked!
One of my oldest friends in Germany told me on the phone today that she's falling for a guy - she has been with her dh for 11 years, they married 2 years ago and moved into their new house at Easter. I haven't spoken to her for a few months, but I always assumed that they were one of the happiest couples I know. She's 32 today, and I have been saying to my dh that everything seems to be in place for them now, and that children will probably be the next step... and now this! Don't know any details, as her dh was around so I could only ask yes/no questions which I'm not very good at, so I don't know how serious it is...
but after I put the phone down I just thought how much I hope that it's only a flirt born out of a bit of a scare at the inevitableness of settling down/having a family she seems to be in...if you see what I mean... I hope she'll just have a bit of (very harmless!) fun and that get on with it...
don't want her to throw away everything she has!

then get on with it

hi Emkana
I cant offer much advice only my sympathy as I was in the same situation about 8 years ago with a friend who was married with 2 children adn who I considered had one fo the best, strongest marriages around.
I chose to keep out of it as it upset me so mcuh, not only because I was sad for her and her family but because it made me sad that life isn't always as rosy as we like to think.
Sorry, no help to you at all but I hope you find someway of handling it. I made it plain to my friend from the start that i didn't want to be involved with any deceit and she accepted that decision. You might want to do the same as soon as possible just in case you are somehow incriminated.

If she wants to throw it away, let her throw it away. If she has some deep dissatisfaction with her marriage, better she acknolwedges it now rather than AFTER they have children. She's sharing some very taboo thoughts with you. If someone shared such thoughts with me I'd consider it a compliment and I wouldn't judge, though I might try to point out what she has to lose. My observation has led me to believe that watching others embark on flirtations or affairs brings out our own insecurities about our marriages/partnerships, making it hard for us to see the issue from anyone else's point of view.

I agree with mckenzie and expatkat. Not much you can do about it. Sad to hear. I've also been shocked by some of my friends - you realize in the end that they just have a very different value system than you do or that something is in fact very wrong with their marriage. . .

Some friends of mine who were together ten years split up recently - she ended it because she fancied a guy at work, and although she didn't exactly think he was 'the one' it made her realise she was unsatisfied. Her ex was devestated but picked himself up and 6 months later is engaged to someone I intorduced him to (eek) marrying next month - he's still heading for the family life he always wanted iyswim. SHE was pretty jealous when he started the new relationship and i think has had lots of regrets. She's still with the new bloke so has just jumped from one ok relationship to another as far as I can see, only she threw away 10 years and a really nice guy.
Predictable psychobabble, but don't you think people in this situation need to work on themselves first - being who they want to be, feeling better about themselves, and not expect a partner to provide everything? Of course the relationship might not have been so rosy from the inside...