Wedding present How Much?

[JulieF]

In a couple of weeks dh and I are travelling down South to his best friend's wedding. Dh is going to be the best man.

They have been living together for a while and already have most stuff so they have asked for vouchers instead of wedding presents which leads me to my dilemma.

I have no idea what I should spend. Normally I would spend around £20 but as dh is best man should it be more? When my brother got married we spent £50 but that was before we had children and had a much lower mortgage.

With a present you can buy something really nice but not too pricey, when it is vouchers the amount is there for all to see.

Dh's friend and his fiance are both professionals with a decent wage. Dh is in the same profession as them but I am on maternity leave from my part time job at the moment. When we got married his friend was still a student so we didn't expect much.

I really don't want to be stingy, but tomorrow we are going out and will probably spend about £100 on a suit for dh to wear, he is travelling down for the stag do which will involve an ovenight hotel stay. Thankfully we have managed to save hotel costs for the wedding itself by combining it with our family holiday in a caravan nearby. I will also have to buy an outfit for myself as nothing I have either fits or is compatible with breastfeeding.

We are close, they always buy for dd (ds wasn't born then) at Christmas and we will probably ask them to be godparents for ds.

So Mumsnetters, how much do you think we should give?

I hate giving vouchers as it seems so impersonal and, for want of a better word, rather "blunt". In our shoes I would ring them and say that shilst you respect their wishes for vouchers, as best man and partner you would like to get them something special and more personal than a voucher and ask them if they could think of anything specific or are happy to let it be a surprise. They are bound to be ok with that - and then you can work around that embarrassing money thing.

sorry for typos - typing too fast, baby waking!!

Have some experience of this as we had a wedding list, but some people gave us completely different presents.

I think when people have been together and have everything they need, they often ask for vouchers. I don't think this should stop you from breaking the rule and buying a specific present which you know they will like.

Set yourself a budget and buy something lovely within it. Glassware is always a good bet - you can get some really stylish stuff thats not too expensive.

Just put on the gift tag, that you wanted to choose a specific gift, as a memento of their special day.

We have a pair of champagne glasses, a gift to us on our wedding day (not on our list). We used them when we drank the bottle of champagne in our hotel room on our wedding night. They hold very special memories - they weren't expensive, but very pretty and we treasure them.

Do you know where they went for their first date? Get them a meal for 2 there for their 1st anniversary.

I agree with the special gift idea. Me and DH asked for holiday vouchers for our wedding in March as we'd already set up home together a year before, but still had some lovely surprise gifts which we treasure.
We totally understood some people would rather give a gift than vouchers, but by asking for vouchers, we did cut down on the number of vases and towel bales we got! We got just the right amount of nice gifts and lots of vouchers towards our honeymoon (which we won't be able to take until after our surprise baby is born!)
People's generosity bowled us over, most voucher gifts were around £50, but other things which mean just as much, cost a lot less.

They won't care about the money you do or don't spend, they want you there more than your gift, so don't fret. Give what you can afford and they'll appreciate that more than you struggling to spend what you haven't got.

I would go with the special present idea too. Much more personal than voucher, which (although I understand the thinking behind it) I always hate.

I think it is a bit rude asking for vouchers, but everyone seems to be doing it. Would you rather save the shopping time, and just send them a voucher for £30 or £40? My schoolfriend (both she and fiance very well off and living together for years, and she often boasts about their expensive holidays, furniture, etc) has said on the invitation they don't want any wedding gifts but invite donations to a particular 3rd world development charity. I thought that was really lovely, but then read on, and they have said as an alternative, they welcome contributions towards their whistlestop 6-week honeymoon tour around the world! I really want to give to the charity, but is it a real choice, or a trick question?

As they've already got all the house stuff they need, I too would probably get something a bit different. My friends recently got married and we bought them theatre tickets to see a show whilst they were away on honeymoon. Another thought is a bottle of champagne for their flight if they're having a honeymoon, done this before for someone too.

I have to say that we got lots of "special gifts" that were not on our wedding list (that we spend a long time doing well so that we would actually take what people decided on rather than using the cash for other things) and I cannot think of one that I like/have not got rid of.....lots of middle-age-looking vases, lots of sets of 2-4 crystal glasses that do not match the rest of our glassware, delightful statuete of bride and groom, cutlery that doesn't match the rest of our cutlery etc etc - I think if someone asks for something there is a reason so it's probably best to go along with it.
On the point of how much to spend, I normally think about how much the couple is likely to be paying for you to be there so if dh and I are both going I'd spend about GBP100-200 subject to how much we are having to fork out for travel/hotel.

A bottle of champagne sounds like a lovely idea and it doesn't matter if they already have one !

If they want vouchers, give em vouchers. How about Ann Summers ones