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Original poster

Moving to new area - any advice for settling a heartbroken DS into a new school................?

20 replies

katierocket · 20/04/2007 17:49

He's had nearly a year in reception and loves his school, his teacher and has two really close friends. I know he'll be ok long term but am really worried about how he will handle it. He's already saying he doesn't want to move / leave his school etc, I am stupidly worried about it.

I never moved when I was at school which probably explains why I'm so worried about him.

OP posts:

Original poster

katierocket · 20/04/2007 20:34

anyone?

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BarefootDancer · 20/04/2007 20:38

I moved school at 6/7 but I had my sister with me. Did it over summer hols, so had virtually forgotten school by September. Can you visit the new school and maybe meet some children from the class? Talk to the new teacher about help with settling in. Keep the old friends in touch (email if far, letters, visits). He will soon make new friends. Good luck.

pointydog · 20/04/2007 20:40

First off, you just have to accept that your ds will not want to move and nothing is likely to change his mind until he actually knows his new area and the some of the people around him.

Can you arrange a visit to his new school and a look around some nice things in his new area like a park?

Might give him something to focus on.

(And he's so young - he'll get on just fine when you do move!)

improvingslowly · 20/04/2007 20:43

parent worries about it far more htan the child. i was v anxious when my dd's best friend of 2 yrs - reception and Y1 moved last summer. Need not have bothered, friend settled v well in new school, my dd became best friends with someone else. if your child had friends at old school, will have them at new one too.

DumbledoresGirl · 20/04/2007 20:44

It is hard. When we moved 2 years ago, ds2 (then aged 7) took it very badly. I can't say he is completely over it yet, in fact I feel it will always be a regret for him, but the daily crying does subside after a while.

All you can do is concentrate on the positives of the new place. I don't know if it is a good idea to allow contact with the old friends. Ds2 has minimal contact with one friend from our old home (mainly through internet games and Christmas cards). He was so upset at losing his friends, I suggested they kept in contact, but I sometimes wonder if that was a good idea or not.

With any luck your son will make really good new friends and his upset will only last a few weeks. My ds1 and dd were like that (they were in Yr 4 and Reception at the time). Ds2's main problem is that he has landed himself in a class with very few likeminded children.

Original poster

katierocket · 21/04/2007 08:25

oh god dumbledore that scares me, he is a sensitive little soul!

We can visit t he schoolbefore but not sure if it's a good idea as may actually make him worry about it more IFYKWIM.

I feel so scared for him. The finding likeminded friends is the real worry.

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DimpledThighs · 21/04/2007 08:32

oh katie it will be fine. These things are good learning experiences and I think the suggestion below of checking out a park or something in the local area (or even finding something you don't have where you currently are like swimming pool with slides, legoland, pizza cafe, etc.) and doing a big 'oh we don't have this where we live now - this is going to be fun' thing, you don't even have to visit it if that is too tricky, just talk about it.

Bribery (go on shoot me!) but when we moved ds was a lot younger but he was promised a couple of goldfish when we move adn that did the trick for him.

DimpledThighs · 21/04/2007 08:34

and there will be nice children in the school - most children are nice. I would be really honest with the new people you meet as well be friendly but say you are nervous / worried about ds and people will be understanding.

Original poster

katierocket · 21/04/2007 09:08

good advice, I just hope the children/parents at new school are welcoming.

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uptomyeyes · 21/04/2007 09:28

We moved DS1 between yr 2 and yr3 to a school where he knew no one at all. He did visit once in the term before and met his teacher, and the head teacher got some of the children to write to him saying how they were looking forward to him coming to their school. On his visit day I got the numbers of some similar boys and invited them to play over the summer hols. First morning wasn't great - he cried and tried to escape!, but he skipped out at 3.30pm shouting bye to everyone and we never looked back. We had an enlightened head who gave it some thought - I wonder if you could ask the Head to do something similar.

LadyTophamHatt · 21/04/2007 09:33

whne we moved last year, Ds1 was half way through yr2 and ds2 was just starting reception.

Like you KR, I';d never moved school so I was worried too But I can honestly say its' been fine. Ds1 still mentions his old school friends occaisionally but the move went really well and they adjusted to the school and its very differnt "feel"(old school/nurery was very strict, new one is very chilled) within a few days.

I hop eit all goes well for him

(btw, how is ds2 now?)

MrsMuddle · 21/04/2007 09:33

I'm not sure how big your house is or how small his class will be, but I remember when someone new came to our school, she invited all the children in my DS's class round for a small party, 2 weeks or so after they arrived. Would it be feasible to do this?

pointydog · 21/04/2007 09:48

oh yes, use soft bribery.

dd1 was promised a wooden play hut in teh garden (we didn't have a private garden in the old flat) and promised I'd enrol her in rainbows.

dd2 just promised sweets prob

DumbledoresGirl · 21/04/2007 10:46

I am sorry if I worried you Katierocket. FWIW, of my 4 children, one was too young to care, 2 had positive experiences and only one had a negative time. I don't think you can predict how it will work out for you son. My ds2 was the life and soul of his year group in our old place and I thought he would find making friends very easy, but he was unlucky to find himself with children who do not appreciate his talents and who are very adverse to newcomers (it is not only me who thinks that - several parents who have moved into the school say the same). Ds1, on the other hand, had only one friend in our old school and I was very worried that he would have none at the new school as he is very shy and not very mature for his age, but he has a whole gang of friends and is now a normal happy boy where before he was quite a sad and lonely figure (at school).

As I said before, just keep focussing on the positives. Try to show your son that all the nice things he had in his old home he also has in the new (eg, I quickly got mine enrolled in all their old activities eg cubs, swimming, etc) and don't hold back from inviting some new friends home for tea asap.

sanae · 21/04/2007 18:02

this rings sooooo many bells for me. We all moved 8 months ago. DS just finished Y3 and DDs Y2 and R in an outstanding small village school. DDs weren't too worried but DS was devastated,in tears, didn't want to go (also leaving much loved close family). I felt so upset and guilty. Surprisingly all announced on their first day that they really liked their new school. Since then it's been a bit up and down and several times he's said he wants to move back and also got upset about it, but we've never had any trouble getting them to school and he seems happy enough at the end of the day. He is now at the stage where he admits that he would miss things about this school if we moved back (although he would move back like a shot given the chance). The other school was better to be honest, so I still feel guilty about taking them out of it, but I have to think about the different opportunities they have living where we do now. The whole moving thing is such an emotional roller coaster - I still really miss family and friends so I suppose it would be wierd to expect them not to. One minute I love my new life here, another I will be pining for my old life -I think it is possibly the same for them - we'd all like to live 6 months in each place!

sanae · 21/04/2007 18:13

Just to add my DS is(was) a sensitive little soul too. He found friends immediately, they all did. I think it is good for them in a way and he seems far more confident now than before our move. Interestingly two of his friends from the old school have since moved away so it wouldn't have been exactly the same for him even if he had stayed there. We now have to negotiate the fact that his best friend from his new school will be moving away at the end of this year! We have had a very small amount of contact with an old friend, too much I think can be unsettling - I find it so myself whenever we go back "home". We didn't visit the school beforehand, we had so little time to arrange the move that there was no chance, so it was just in at the deep end on first day of term.

Original poster

katierocket · 21/04/2007 21:09

All really interesting, I guess we just don't know how he will be although I do suspect it will be fairly hard going. On the positive side one of my close friends lives in the area we're moving to so he will know some children (although they go to a different school to the one he'll be going to).

I'm also worried about moving from my own point of view - making new friends, hoping there are like minded people etc but obviously my overiding concern is DS1

LTH - DS2 is settling down a bit thanks (fingers crossed!)

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PeachesMcLean · 21/04/2007 22:20

I changed school twice when I was younger and it was fine, and i don't think I make friends easily. Once when i was 5 and I just went into a new class in the September like everyone else. Then again when I was 7, half way through a school year. That was more tricky, as the class was already established, but the teacher sat me next to a particular girl, and asked the girl to help look after me on my first day. it worked and we became very good friends until secondary school.

Original poster

katierocket · 22/04/2007 14:59

When I originally looked round the school, I did ask the headteacher if they would do anything specific to help in settle in. he said that because they were a small school they didn't do anything specific but it was their general way to make sure everyone was OK. i will definitely ring him and make the point that DS really will need a lot of support. I like the idea of a 'buddy' who could look out for him at first.

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jellybeans · 22/04/2007 15:09

Hi, I went to 3 primary schools (remember my first day for all clearly!) and each time people were fighting over playing with me and my sister as the new kid is nearly always quite a novelty at primary age. My DD's also changed primary schools; one was in year 2 and one was in year 4. I was terrified and felt very guilty so they even went to their old school for a while after we moved. Eventually we switched them and It was plain sailing. Both were popular from day one and it hasn't worn off. DD1 was angry and cross and nervous at first but has really come on leaps and bounds and has lovely friends and is well set up for going to a new school (so less worried about secondary move), the experience of which helps for the future. What helped us is putting them in for a day before they actually start. I just requested it on a Friday a couple of weeks before they started. Then they knew people before the official start. Point out the advantages to the move and new area and be sure to say they can keep in touch with their old friends even if only by email/phone. Good luck i am sure you will be fine xx

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